I found you when my knees hit the bare tile floors.
You only truly find God with sins professed.
Hands stretched high, falling to the ground in remorse,
Choking on breath, heart crawling out of my chest,
digest my sins and pray on those paper planes.
Send love with my tears and hope for better days
when my heart doesn’t beat poison through my veins.
Tell me your name to love you, let me count the ways
You were baby teeth; things I thought I needed
on nights spent carving caverns from compliments.
You pray with hands clasped and sins to be pleaded,
until God takes the doubt from your confidence.
As your flesh meets the barrel of the pistol;
Hands high, knees to floor, surrender all, take none.

I died daily but you resurrected me with every good morning.
I'll tell you that love plucked me like a guitar.
Love made me feel beautiful, but I only got played.

I'll tell you that love cannot do math
because if he did, he'd know that
subtracting himself from the equation would leave me a 0.
I'll tell you that love is a game of tag.
They always end up running away.
I'll tell you that love has engraved his name on my soul
and when I die I'll only see the mark that he's left on me.

I’ll tell you that we’re all just stars in the sky. Just because there are nights you don’t shine through the city lights doesn’t mean you’re not there, remember, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost the purpose to create beautiful things, so don’t burn out just yet. When there are nights you can’t seem to push through the negativity that clouds you, remember; you are more than your current disposition.

ONE: I’ll tell you that you’re made of stardust and have galaxies for eyes, giving me the faith to muster up my doubt to look at the sky and expect for more than just this.

TWO: To the boy who told me I could do anything, except the one thing I love to; your words held the knife and cut through me. I am not a statue cut in stone any longer. I can grow, change and evolve into someone greater than the smile you chiseled into me. I am not a tree planted by your disposition and watered by your opinions.

THREE: I’ll tell you that people are not hospitals. They can’t enter your life and heal what isn’t broken. They are not hands with vacancy signs scratched into their veins. People aren’t  pills for a quick fix to ease the lonely. You will only end up more sick of the placebo lies that are stuffed down your throat in attempt to heal you.

FOUR: I will tell you that love is just a game of hide and seek. You will look in the wrong places and feel lost in the dark, but you don’t stop looking. You don’t stop until finally, they’re it. Why do we fear when the scariest thing we can imagine resides in our own mind? When we feel broken, our scars inked onto porcelain skin are simply faded encounters with fate. You’ll fall flat on your face, but at least then you will know it was real. You are a story, novel, art in the human condition, 600 words per minute, but you are not a puzzle waiting to be completed. You are an incomprehensible metaphor for tomorrow.

Maybe I don’t know much, and maybe I don’t know anything at all, but I do know this;

FIVE: When we feel helpless, hopeless, and on the brink of nothingness, that is when we know we’re still alive. It’s just another reminder that we’ve still got work to do.

Sometimes I cry so hard
A thunderstorm erupts in my rib cage
And my hands tremble like beach houses
In the path of a tsunami
But thinking of your eyes
Helps me escort oxygen to my lungs
And hold a paint brush instead
Of strangling the sheets of my bed
As if my tears will create a waterfall
Sweeping me away from you and
My pillowcase is wondering why I haven't screamed into it
In about a month or so
But I found reconcile in how your freckles
Resemble stars in the sky
And I've been trying to tell you
If you need the galaxy rearranged
I will do that
every single time the moon says hello,
I can promise you I can make the sun play hide and seek for as long as you'd like
If it means I can see the creases being created
By your smile again

I am who I loved.

To you, I am childhood innocence.
I am pig-tails and the jungle gym.
I am the park and mismatched socks.
You lit up a room and I was your shadow.
For years of recess I thought you were always It.
I am positivity and enthusiasm.
I am childhood fantasy dreams.

To you, I am practice.
I am a bus transfer that took you to your next stop.
I complained every time you refused to play a song for me.
In the end, I was the only one that got played.
I am painful loyalty and forgiveness.
I am mistaken.

To you, I am a fresh start.
I am the butterflies in your stomach and comfort.
We made sense. Everything that we were worked.
I am sensible decisions and logical emotions.
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.
I am independence.

To you, I am an adventure.
I am late night conversations and the first time I lied to my parents.
Knowing you was like the moment you reach the top of the swings all the time. It was discovery and unexplored territory.
Neither of us understood.
I am recklessness and helpless romanticism.
I am not quite love.

To you, I am familiarity.
If you are the joke, I am the punchline.
I am who I always wished I could be.
For the first time in my life, being with you terrified me because I never wanted to lose you. I am knees that can't help but buckle whenever you smile, and eyes of reassurance and safety.
I am risks and rewards. I am blind faith and belief for a better tomorrow. I am sleepless nights spent crying from laughter. I am awkward hand holding and hiding from parents.
I am confident and protecting.
I am young love.

To you,
thank you.

do not confuse comfort for love
do not mistake the way he makes your stomach twist, for butterflies.
you will learn three months down the line that there is a reason why you are never at ease when he is around.
do not lie to your friends about the way his words grab you by the throat
and stop you from breathing
this is not love.
do not make a home out of a boy who cannot be bothered to be there.
do not make homes out of people.
do not let him cheat you of time.
do not deceive yourself
and take his obsession for love.
do not say yes.
do not let him tear you apart
and mistake his company for building you back up,
if he really ever ******* cared, he wouldn't have done it to begin with.
he only calls you when he's high
and only cares when he has nothing left to lose
do not lose yourself loving him.

i cannot write about you
because you've taken all my words.
you've taught me that emotions cannot be substituted with things
that are said in the heat of the moment
and forgotten just as quickly as they are said.