It was 11:45 P.M. exactly
There was no more time
For any outrageous foolery.

You had to bring her home
By 12:00 no later and already
You had fifteen minutes to spare.

You stopped the car and sat
For a minute to listen
To her steady breathing.

She waits for you to say something
But you only look ahead
And listen to her breathing.

"Are you alright?" She asks you
And you reply with a smile
But to answer––it takes a while.

Maybe you don't want to admit it
But you're not alright.
Not alright with anything at all.

Not alright with the fact she's
Still with you right here
Right at this spot at this time.

Or maybe not with the fact
That her parents actually like you
And that her brother trusts you.

Does it scare you? Of course.
Do you want to believe it's real?
Of course. No gold ever mounted up.

But something still terrifies you,
Chills you to the cores of your bones
And makes your innards quiver.

Especially your heart.

But that's besides the point.
You had an imaginary woman
Stuck inside your head for years.

You're ashamed to say
You wouldn't let her out
Even though it's been so long.

She's banging at your forehead
Right now as you listen
To the other woman's breathing.

She wants out.
But you won't let her out.
She will stay with you.

No––she won't. Want to know why?
Because there's a better woman
Sitting right next to you.

She's beautiful, you know that's a fact.
She's sassy, you know that's a fact.
And you definitely know she's sweet.

So why is this other woman
The one stuck in your head
Still banging away? Trying to escape?

You know it's because you're scared.
The woman next to you? She's real.
You can touch her––she's real.

You're scared of real, aren't you?
You're scared that since she's real
She'll drag along heartbreak.

You're scared because you depend
On the woman inside your head
Far too much to be healthy.

She's fake. She won't ever hug you
Or kiss you or cuddle you or love you
She won't cry or laugh with you.

Why doesn't the imaginary scare you?
Is it because she can't ever leave you?
Is it because she's perfect?

No––obviously not.
You're not perfect,
So she's definitely not perfect.

So again, you ask yourself,
Why doesn't the imaginary scare you?
And why doesn't the real satisfy you?

It's bizarre, yes. You know that.
But seeing the woman next to you
Smile and touch your cheek,

It's terrifying.

Maybe you should leave
Maybe you should go
Hole yourself up in your room
And spend hours with the
Woman inside your head.
Maybe you should run
Before she can catch you,

Maybe––

"I love you." She suddenly says.
And you blink.
What did she say? I love you? To you?

"Why?" You ask with a cracked voice.
You don't deserve this.
You've been thinking about another woman.

"There are many things,
But I want you to know I do.
I really really love you."

She loves you?
Truly?

"Yes." She starts laughing because
Apparently you thought out loud.
You break into a smile at the sound.

She grabs your face and pulls you close.
"I love you. I love you. I love you."
And you start crying.

Because you can hear
The genuity in her voice
Clear as a sunny day.

And also,
It's now 12:01 A.M.

from my mouth
grows a sunflower
with every breath
from my lungs
a vine entwines
itself around
my ears
and i can hear
the whisper
of all my fears
i lay in a bed of roses
silent broken and still
time is an icy wilderness
surrounding me
as my tears
fall frozen
to the ground
and the sunflower
bends it's head
into my darkness
and dwells there
instead.

hello poetry is quite inactive lately. where are all my fellow poets gone?

dear attention,

I have a few words to say to you.
You caused me to grovel before the feet of others
and forced me on my knees in surrender to my fear.
You changed my heart into a fickle one,
I left you once and I came straight back.
I'm furious that I lost myself entirely to you
because no piece of me is my own anymore.
God opened a door and I shut it,
only thinking I wanted you and you alone.
I wanted you so badly, but I never received you.
Because I couldn't obtain you, I desired you.
I put you before myself, before everyone else.
I forgot that I do not need you to tell me what I'm worth,
I am stronger than this, I told myself.
I didn't need you.
But whenever I look at you, and see what I don't have,
my heart fills with jealousy all the more.

I wish I could leave you completely,
but I'm thankful God opened the door again after I closed it.

so dry
am i
i lie
in sand
i wait
for water
that will
never
come by

so dry
i cry
but my
tears
wash
away
into
nothing

so dry
i want
to die
so i
say
good
bye

Don't get me wrong,
Even though I loved him,
He never dictated my happiness.
He just—he made me happier.

we were never friends consistently
and yet i loved you most ardently.

throw
me
away

let
me
waste
away

tell
me
i'm
okay

that
i'll
live
another
day

with
sand
in between
my
toes

and
fireflies
dancing
in
the
sky

throw
me
away
but
do
it
gently

i tied my heartstrings to your neck
and dragged you everywhere i went.
any step away from me you'd take,
you would end up dead.

you have golden fingertips
and the touch of midas
in your hands.

with every step you took
it was a little farther away
each time you took a step
it was far away from me

it was then that i realized
if he couldn't bother
treating me like a queen
then he had no right
to stand in my kingdom.

let another queen
decide your fate,
my love.

you waste my time.

"you brutal sky. so far away, yet everywhere I see. nothing but blue with white clouds dotting your silk skin every so often. rain will pour down your marble cheeks when monsoon season comes around the corner and your eyes will flood. you cruel sky. you cause my blood to run into glass castles attempting to feel the pain you tease my senses with. clouds aren't soft on you. ceramic edges slicing your sky and porcelain dolls shattering on the bathroom ground of your heart. how strange you've made my words. even now, when you've left, I still ache with your pain and suffering. I didn't need your pain, but I asked for it anyway and here I am. a raining monsoon season filled with old memories that were never mine. this inheritance is prideful and I have built my great wall high above your sky and ceramic edged clouds. so leave me behind. I won't see you leave. I won't look behind me when I am too fragile to watch you fade away. it will be painful, sensing your absence having never said goodbye."

motivation is
inspiration
in movement

if you feel insecure
let me hold you tight
i will love you
when you can't love yourself.

if you start to fall
let me be your wings
i won't let you hit the ground
or at least let me hit it first

when you're in pain
i can try and be your medicine
but i know i can't cure you
unless you let yourself be

don't destroy yourself
i can't keep putting you back together
eventually i'll run out of thread
and my needle is wearing thin

please don't leave because i stayed
don't break me when i'm already so
stop blaming me for hurting you
when i'm the one with the bandaid
and you're the one with the blade.

as wild as this ocean beneath my feet
as wild as these waves that calm me
as wild as this flower near the road
as wild as these hands that only hold
as wild as the sky way up above
as wild as these mourning doves
as wild as the wind from out the sea
as wild as the whispers calling me
as wild as this cherry blossom blooms
as wild as this duskblue moon
as wild as the wild spring in May
as wild as the heat from summer days
as wild as a frost during winter nights
as wild as these mountainous heights
as wild as the love in this heartbeat
everyone,
let us be.

sunbitten fingerprints all over my hands.
my body is my transport and everything in between.
i am a passenger in lethargy
fallen away sleeplessly
staples in my bedsheets my skin its paper
sunken in teeth
heavy rapid quick quickening shaky breathing
shamed to be burdened and carried
but all the same burned by the sun
by the son
aimlessly to wander where i first began
handheld and handmade but i am just an automaton
writhing in my own flesh.
give me a piano and i can return it new
but God, tell me i'm not alone in this.
all of this is so lonely.

Cutting my neck open wide
to let you see and touch
what is and was inside.

Staring into universes
to taste what blessings are
that will eventually turn into curses.

Gasping in the foul air
that your lungs provide;
you lure me into your lair.

Feeding me maggot-ridden,
crying, destructive and putrid words
lain under the depths of your tongue.

Falling into my eyes
a devastating force of gravity;
falling into your own lies.

Your empire will sink
and your kingdom will scream
for its own destruction.

And until you admit your defeat
you will never walk in light
and I will no longer
stand by your side.

Sweet to the tongue,
you taste of silver sugar,
dripping saturated love.

Beautiful to the eyes,
you look of starry sunlight,
glowing cruel ebony night.

Pleasant to the ears,
you sound of happy bells,
just a sound of sadness long.

Soft to the touch,
your skin glows ivory gold,
a careful cut diamond cold.

Aromas gentle to me,
you smell of roses and cloudy skies,
a child's play in rain.

Cascades of waterfalls
run down your flushing cheek,
it's sad to see to watch you die.

Like the rivers of the Amazon,
long and vast do your tears spread,
until all they can do is stop.

paperback spine.
you have a paperback spine.
it is creased with liquid white.
liquid moon.
i trace my piano fingers
to feel your used.
the used is how the white came about.
the stories you've lived and told.
you wouldn't tell me that it was
painful
but i've already read it.
your paperback spine.
there was bad.
and there was good.
you've seen colder winters than i.
i've asked before if you regret
your paperback spine.
if it becomes unbearable to show
vulnerability as a color.
as the liquid moon
dripping down each crevice
you said no
because honesty
was what made the liquid moon white on your back.
you were proud of that.
and i didn't ask anymore.

let me swim away
              let me dive into the ocean
and leave the world of humans
              to dwell with the creatures
that lie underneath the surface
               let me run away
let my feet turn into fins
               so that i can race the dolphins
the water is bluer than the sky
               i've always wondered if
ocean creatures want to fly
               let me lungs breathe water
and let my freedom become the sea
               let my freedom become the sea
let me swim away
               let me swim away
let me breathe the water
               let me breathe the water
and race the dolphins

i want to stop loving you
the way i wish i could love myself

whenever i feel content
with it just being me
and God in the same room,
i know i have succeeded.

whenever i think about you,
i always remember when
we danced in your front yard
at 9 pm
in front of boys
in front of your dad
in front of people
i didn't even know
and just didn't care.
we just didn't care
how bad our moves were
or how awkward
the stares were.
we just didn't care
how grainy the music was
on your broken phone speakers.
and of all the memories i have of you,
this one's my favorite.
and one i'll remember
with a smile.
because even though you told me
you didn't need me anymore,
i will still remember
fondly
but maybe
with a touch
of bitter sadness.

Okay no
You're not obligated to think of me
But it still hurts when you don't

as brightly lit as i am,
i was forgotten
among the stars.
a ship lost in moonlight
searching for a skylight
that will never reach the dawn.
take my hands,
and do not regret
pulling me to shore.

my choking words suffocated me
a hangman's rope around my neck.
their eyes were sunlit fires, staring at me
judgement and damnation aflame.
I cursed them, I cursed myself,
but again my words suffocated me.
I cried silent on the bathroom floor
in a heap of broken dignity.

I used to cut out my tongue
so I couldn't tell anyone my secrets
and I cut off my ears so that
I couldn't hear myself scream it.
I would lay on the floor, ignoring
ignoring the blood that poured
from my eyes–my mouth
from my ears and my heart.

I thought myself a single crack
a single crack in a castle made of glass
a mistake in perfection made
a stormy day, a moment ignored.
I groaned at my reflection
and an empty soul stared back.
I rained a world's worth of water
no sunshine came and no flowers bloomed.

but you saw me and embraced me
you danced in my rain and I saw
how beautiful you danced in me.
you learned sign language for me
and taught me how to speak again
and washed away my blood.
you made my ugliness beautiful
and I found I loved my beautiful.

i have a horrible habit
of writing poetry about
the boy i love.

When I tell you
That I'm in love with you
I will do so with a poem
Because that is the language
That I speak.

You could throw me in a cage
and grate my skin from my bones.
You could eat my heart raw
in front of me.
You could let a lion ravage me,
tear me apart, piece by piece
with my ****** ashes
soaking in ocean water.
You could feast
on my madness
but I will not be truly scared
unless you take my tongue
and my pen.

hug the sky
give as much love
as you would a puppy
because the sky
cries just like you
sleeps just like you
gets lonely just like you
because the sun and moon
are too far away
for the sky to talk to
hug the sky
and the sky
will hug you back.

everything is pausing
hesitating
cautiously.

when will we give this game up?
this game of pride and greed.
throw your walls down
and break down theirs.

don't wave goodbye
to a chance you never grasped.

i am young, i won't lie
responsibility hasn't quite kicked in yet.
my eyes are still wide and naive
but at least they're a little more open than before.
i am young, i won't lie
but i grow up a little faster each second
as the world delves into chaos.
it's a strange thing to yearn for adulthood
when i don't want to lose my youth.
i am young, i won't lie
halfway to thirty
quarterway to sixty.
i am young.
but
i'm not quite sure
i want to inherit
the earth yet.