Where can words reach?
How many ears will hear what I say?
How many eyes will see what I write?
Will they understand what I mean?
Or see no further than the words on the screen?
Can my humble words strike a chord?
Reach a key note in their heart?
How deep can words made for me be for them?
Does it matter?
Maybe I should just write,
Call them poems or ramblings,
I'll write anyway,
For me,
In the hope they'll mean something,
For you.

Through branches of shaking trees
Clinging on to their long-dead leaves
Lights glare in my tear-stained lenses
And flicker between breaths

Those bark-coated fingers
Reach out with shadows
On moss-stained fences
Tired, unable to stand

And in these fading hours
I see only where the dark touches
And smile only at dead and dying
Broken and falling.

Those glinting lights...
Needles in my eyes

I never thought it would work out
I never expected any return
But given a sniff at success
I chased without end
Kept clutching at
Half-broken twigs
That could never have kept me
From falling too far.

I'm complex.
Not simple as you have been told,
In the channels and divisions of your mind,
I take many paths,
Each defined and broken between my hands,
Which gracefully crush,
Barbarically love,
Until the inner-workings of your heart,
Escape to the outside,
Where truth flows in rivers,
And drowns the fruit of hate,
A new understanding,
That we cannot contemplate.

A new world,
A freer place closer to the Earth,
A place built around nature not on it,
And the ways of life that here have been forgotten.

A world of choice,
Where boundaries are wide and blurred,
Where my decision is mine alone - unquestioned,
And there's enough space to be myself.

The wrong way?
Or just new?
No one ever agrees.
We can't see the difference,
Between steps forward,
And towards the fire.
Each of us knows,
Which we think it is,
But together we can't decide,
Where to place our feet,
And of course,
If our step is shaky,
We're bound to fall.

To the semi-conscious mind of a child barely starting school,
The mind makes demons of the unknown,
Self-formed beasts,
Ready to feast,
To chase you to bed in the night.

And as the child grows and learns of real monsters,
Of fire and sharks and running out of air,
Chained back, shapes grow,
Shadows rose,
The mind's self-torture closes in on truth.

But as child becomes student, bigger concerns
than death or danger plague the mind
The nightmares of sharks replaced with
Nightmarish marks,
Anticipated failure paints the dark.

Nights are worth no more to me,
Than I am within them,
No shadow nor moonlight,
Can shake me to sleep.

For in the forgotten corner of some,
White-walled room,
No life, nor light,
Can reach me in my

shallow writhing, running from my,
Own demons, with
No mercy, nor rest,
To give me even a chance.

I'd missed you, I knew,
But my eyes wasted no time,
In reminding themselves how to
Marvel at you,
And my hands,
Remembered how to long for you,
And the warmth in your palms.

In front of me, again, the beauty who never saw,
Her own precious nature,
Whose laugh blocked out all thoughts,
Of panic, or sense of
time and deadlines,
Instead wishing only to hear her voice,
And her joy between her tears.

There you were,
Unreachable,
Yet held tight,
An angel of the night,
Who never wanted the light,
But I just couldn't let you go.

It all comes together
The stage is almost set
The lights are in position
The mics are all in check
The costume has arrived
They’re ready for the acts
And all that's left to do
Raise the curtain, tip my hat

The air has no bite today,
It is little more than a sigh
'Gainst the skin of a lover's neck,
And her caresses' heat
Reaches below the surface,
To calm the stirring of the soul.

My heart calls, restless
I hesitate to answer
So unease remains

Could a more lonely sight,
Be found,
Than a lost and broken,
Girl crying,
Under a clouded sky?

Could a more bitter tear,
Be shed,
Than that of a child whose own,
Parents cannot,
Accept who she is?

Could more insincere words,
Be spoken,
Than that of a daughter,
Telling them,
"I'm fine" yet again?

I must miss the chaos,
Or the promise of surprise,
Or the perfect excuse to relax.
Why else would I feel so lost now I know where I'm going?
I wanted to be missing,
Searching,
Wandering with no goal,
But now all those mysteries I craved have been solved.
I know how to get there now,
I recognise each step,
Like a path I've walked before,
Not at home,
But maybe an early morning in Ireland,
Where we stayed for a while,
Where I used to wander,
Like remembering a picture,
But not quite sure when it was,
Each step feels like that.
Like a memory,
Not a journey.

It's been
Too long
Trapped
Lost
Confused
By nothing more
Than my own
Mind
But
Released
Perhaps
Yes
At last
Free
Sort of
Almost
Maybe
One day
I will not
Have to fear
Stepping
Outside
As
Myself

Don't cry,
They'll know,
Your makeup will run,
And they'll make fun,
Again.

Don't cry,
They'll see,
Your mask will break,
Tears wash it away,
Again.

Don't cry,
They'll hear,
And they always blame you,
"It's not what we do,"
Again.

Don't cry,
Not here.

These words will not be sad enough,
Until the ink's run a little from the tears,
Nor will they be weak enough,
Unless they are as shaky as my hand,
They will not be desperate enough,
Until they fill every corner of the page,
Searching for hope which is not there.

Death is not the end
As long as memories live
Your story remains

My friends aren't therapists,
They're the reason I survive without one
But I need to learn not to
Lean on them
Or when they go
I'll lose balance and come
Crashing
Back
Down

There's no going back,
The time is gone,
Now,
The time is lost,
And the eyes,
Are closed,
Now,
But I am here,
I will never go,
So be strong,
Now.

The time is dripping slowly,
As dew falls from webs,
In the now-distant winter mornings,
When I would run to my place,
My haven,
My safety,
As fast as I could,
But still the time dripped slowly,
As the words I heard,
In the now-silent whispers of spring breeze,
When I would stop and stare,
At beauty,
At water,
That ran as fast as it could,
And yet the time will drip slowly,
As the emptiness of summer days,
In the too-long months of not knowing,
When I will lose myself,
Lose hope,
Lose sanity,
Waiting for those drips of long-lost time to fall.

The very air is clung to,
With the whispers of summer,
Held in the gentle breaths,
Of a child-drawn swirl in crayons,
Are the smells of salt and sand between toes,
And the smiles of bathing,
Or basking in rare glimpses of sun,
Which disguise the one hollow rejected truth,
That this day won't last forever.

Hinted tears shining
Shimmering past all deceit
To cry out for help

I lost my childhood,
I lost those days of running
Outside and playing in the summer
And dancing in new dresses.

I'd have them back
I'd grow up again,
Lose those inhibitions I built up
To be that little girl.

But if I did,
Who would I be?
Some shadow of the human who sits here
Typing at half-past midnight
To spread some message of
I-don't-know-what-but-it-matters?

Could I give up myself,
For such material hopes?
No.
What if I'd never met
The angels and guardians
Who showed me how
Love works?

I have lost my childhood,
I can't get it back,
But I will grow up even so,
From a scared little girl,
Into the woman I was meant to be.

A buzz in my pocket halfway through physics,
A glance at the screen under the desk,
4 letters and I'm there:
Unlock, swipe, tap, type
And revealing the name I waited for.
Halfway through physics, 2 weeks before Christmas, offer 4 of 5.
My passion, my motivation, my drive -
My future, secure.

Singing along to songs I know too well,
Finding new ways to hear,
New meanings in old words,
New words in old meanings,
In the hope that I will forget the days,
When these songs were our theme songs,
When these words were our poetry,
Not mine.

Eyes once filled with dreams
that spilled out into visions
Now dulled by time and memory
And struggle not to close

A heart once fed by love
that glowed with hope and meaning
Now beats with broken voice
And aches for other's pain

Lips once loud with stories
That weaved emotions with one breath
Now tired and silent
With no reason to speak

A girl who'd dream of futures
And speak of hope with pride
Now sits alone, with no fight left
She accepts her fate
And cries.

I was once told that being yourself,
Was all about you and no-one else,
That you should be the person you want to be,
Not anything else, at all, but "me".

I was once told that loving another,
Was all about you and your true lover,
That love is blind and sees only the heart,
And keeps you together when you're apart.

I was once told that how I dress,
Was all about what I think looks best,
That as long as I'm comfortable no-one will mind,
Just make sure you leave a good impression behind.

What I was told is crushed everyday,
By "friends" I trusted and the words that they say,
By ignorance and expectations I'm forced into,
Being someone else who can't speak the truth,
And when I finally admitted to the lie I've been living,
I guess I was hoping for something more forgiving,
Than assumptions and refusals to call me by name:
I just want you all to treat me the same.
Only one thing changed:
My honesty.

Once you learn misery,
That's it.

You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can add more,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

After the cold, brutal hands,
Of pain and death strike,
Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

There is no recovery,
Not for any soul,
After the cold, brutal hands,
Of pain and death strike,
Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

Once you learn misery,
There is but one escape,
There is no recovery,
Not for any soul,
After the cold, brutal hands,
Of pain and death strike,
Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

One escape: Love

Muffled beats
Of broken noise
As light and death surround

Burning heat
As pain destroys
All hope that can't be found

In lonely streets
Messed up boys
Kick bodies on the ground

As losers defeat
Shattered toys
While they're fed to hungry hounds

If I'd only,
Held you a little longer,
Smiled a little brighter,
Or looked deeper in your eyes,
Would that show you?


If I'd only,
Been a little stronger,
Laughed a little lighter,
Or whispered the words in my mind,
Would you understand?

If I'd only,
Had one chance I'd have taken it,
If I'd only,
Been brave enough to say,
If I'd only,
One more day,
I'd spend it with you.

From the far-off edges
The voices jumble in disharmony
Lost, confused dissonance commands the air
But drawn in, by unseen will,
Unknown intentions reach them
And you
Close to the centre
As words merge, overlap and mix
And in glorious difference declare
We Are.

Here, in truth, we're found
Unified upon this common ground
Divided hearts held together
Secured by jagged edges.

Here, in hope, we're loved
Wrapped in scarves and gloves
By an over-fussy mother
Determined to keep us warm.

Here, in strength, we stand
Arm in arm, hand in hand
And we know we cannot fall
We are: One for All

He will never let me down
Never lose the fight
The glory of his word
Stands up against the night
At the centre of it all
An everlasting light
Hope to the hopeless.

Our fear set free
But still human beings,
So hesitate, worry, panic and doubt
That everything will be OK
That our problems can be sorted out
So easily
So simply
Beautiful, merciful,
Graceful Grace
Beyond comprehension
Broken tension
And proclamation:
We are his.

On a night like this,
Hate is beyond reach.
On a night like this,
Love is not just winning,
Love is killing off evil.
On a night like this,
Hands cannot help but join.
On a night like this,
Lungs cannot resist singing.
On a night like this,
We cannot stay silent.
Until everyone hears
That love is here.

Every day,
For a month,
I have tried to write,
From my heart,
Through my hands,
Onto paper made from light,
Though I found,
It hard at times,
I think it's gone alright,
And I hope,
You have enjoyed,
Joining my mind's flight,
Your words for mine
Have kept me smiling,
And helped keep my heart bright,
So thank you all,
And I hope you'll stay,
To see tomorrow's flame ignite.