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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
 Jan 2019 Paige McCulley
Marissa
you feel it happening again
the shaky legs
driving you insane
the sweaty hands
ruining your plans
the racing heart
making you want to dart
are they watching me?
what do they see?
I feel their eyes all over me
is this a nervous breakdown?
i really need to come down
get it together
you say in your head
but the voices don’t let you forget
you’re better off dead
stop it, stop it, go away
do not come back another day
it’s just chemicals in my brain
but all I can feel is pain
anxiety is not beautiful
it certainly does not make me strong
I just want to be normal and feel like I belong
panic attacks are not cute
and I cannot “just calm down”
it is a disorder and debilitating
it makes it really hard to breathe
average tasks become mountains
it’s not simply all in my head
it feels like I’m about to drown
but with patience and persistence
i will never back down
 Jan 2019 Paige McCulley
eF
Eyes.
 Jan 2019 Paige McCulley
eF
Your eyes, they stop time.
Wondering if it happens
When you look at mine.
One day I’ll write more than 3 lines.
Sorry.
Trapped inside her mind.
There are a million different doors.
All of them are locked.
None of them can fix her catastrophic thoughts.  

Only she knew the extent of her limitations.
But she didn't want to disappoint, so she kept on doing more.
All these tasks pushed her past her breaking point.

Little did she know,
Kindness was the poison rooted deep inside in her mind.

All alone.
There she goes.
Watch her soul float away.
Now she no longer feels any pain.
Moods can change and switch
Sometimes on their own
Making a sad moment exciting
Making a happy moment dreadful

Like flipping on and off a light switch
These emotions change
Not on purpose, of course
The emotions rearranged

If a day wasn't already hard
This would make it harder
Being dragged into an abyss
This is what it's like to be bipolar
What I deal with every day, for the people that don't know.
 Jan 2019 Paige McCulley
jinx
i always have cold feet
because i don’t eat
homeostasis
called me up on the phone
but i didn’t have the time
living life in the fast lane
desperately grasping at rhymes
i know why i’m always cold though
my friends and i race through the snow
in nothing but bikinis and speedos
i want to run away from you
because i don’t know how to speak
when i’m staring at your face
you touch your hand to my waist
i take vitamins to keep my hair from falling out
but i can track my symptoms in other ways
blacking out for days
dull eyes
yellow teeth
paranoia
and cold feet
 Jan 2019 Paige McCulley
Novembre
I
 Jan 2019 Paige McCulley
Novembre
I
Anorexia
She's the most cowardly death
There can be.
So much effort
Many lies
And also a lot of courage
Just to be consumed
And see you die
More and more
Everyday.
But never
I felt more cowardly than now.
Never.
Anorexia
Like self-harm
Are the scariest monsters
I could meet
Because even when
I think I'm out of it
I know it's not like that
And I suffer
And I try to do everything possible
For not to swallow anything
But it's late now
I just have to stay
Waiting for that flow of acidic liquid
Get out of my mouth
And free me
Free me
From that feeling of disgust that I feel
Throwing down a single bite.
So
I would like
To take me to cuts
Cut that crap of fat
Everywhere
And be light
And free.
no one receives love by demanding it            
and that’s my biggest fear
if i ask for something and i get it
no questions asked    
it’s not love
it’s sympathy

-something i’ve learnt recently
 Jan 2019 Paige McCulley
Anne
I thought I was smart enough to know that five m&m’s isn’t a meal
So I’m getting fat again yet I still have bulimic tendencies!! Awesome!!
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