someone once told me you’re no good for me that we shouldn’t hold onto something not guaranteed back then i didn’t believe them but now i know we cant grow - now i’m faded sitting in my bathroom wishing it was you that would come back soon thinking bout the good times that are tangled in these vines in my mind contemplating suicide waiting for the sunrise to save me from taking my own life
girls Are like apples On trees.The best ones Are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach For the good ones because they Are afraid of falling and gettting hurt. Instead,they just get the rotten apples From the ground that aren't as good, But easy.So the apples at the top think Something is wrong with them,When in Reality,they're amazing.They just Have to wait for the right boy to Come along,the ones Brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree
If a child came to you and asked “What is wrong with me?” Would you say anything?
When you look in the mirror And ask “What is wrong with me” Do you stay silent?
So what is the difference Between you and a child besides your age? Its not like one of you feels less, Is less human…
So when i begin to charge the calculator in My mind So that it can count how much And how many, How little and how big
I remind myself of this: There is a reason I decided to get better
Because it is much better to be laughing with your Friends over pizza then to be crying by yourself On the bathroom floor … over pizza
Because this body that you are tormenting and Starving and cutting and killing Has been trying so relentlessly to save you.
Even when all you wanted was death When it felt like the most natural solution, When it felt like it was impossible to be happy To be at least fine for a singular moment When the blood was gushing from your veins Your body thought it best to patch up your skin And repair your cells And it tried to save you Because it loves you more than anything could
So why do you try to spite it? What has it done to you but Save your life?
“Stop falling in love with the things that are killing you” That's what a psychologist said to me And it seemed like the most simple solution But the hardest to execute.. Because once you’re in love Nothing can take you out of it but time
And for so long, I skipped breakfast so i could eat dinner or I skipped dinner so i could eat breakfast And for so long, I was in love with Drinking coffee for all 3 meals But I didn’t yet understand that life was just One long stream of moments And in these moments … It will never matter what I looked like It will never matter that i ate A little too much one day Or that when i finished my cereal i wanted another bowl And Slowly I began to despise the very things i once loved
And this was a long, hard journey I called recovery.
It was reteaching myself the reason I exist, And that it definitely was not to shrink.. But to grow… No matter how much it hurt In the process.
Because just 2 months ago I was writing poems about How I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours and how I Was so..
Dear J, I may be at a loss for words half the time, and the other half I might have too much to say, but I can almost always say this; I love you. I have felt fear and I have felt bravery and I have felt loss. I can look pictures of us and I can recall everything we did that day. I can listen to videos of you and I can tell what you felt. And I know that you didn't think I was paying attention, but I knew how you looked when you thought something was unfair. And I knew the look in your eyes when you saw the light just right in a sunset and you knew that nothing could ever be recreated quite like that. I felt the same way about you. Wherever you are, know that loving someone isn't a matter of feeling something or not feeling something. It's a matter of knowing what you're feeling and when you need to let go. I think that people know that letting go involves unfurling your fingers and watching something fall from a great height. It's the act of following that objects downward motion that gets to us. That once it meets the ground or whatever surface it is deemed to hit, it's gone. What was there is gone. And once you think about that you think of what could have been there. That one last touch, that one last feeling of bliss that comes with knowing that the moment you wake up the sun will be shining in rivulets through fingers that tangle in hair fresh off the pillow. It's sad to know that nothing like that will happen again. The sun won't shine the same way. Instead it may simply fall. It won't cascade, it won't flow over the edges of noses or smiling lips. It's the same way water may lose a stone from a riverbed and from there on after it doesn't run quite the same way. But another stone, another pebble will fall in place because replacement happens. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that letting go is letting someone else take a spot. In order for something else to happen you have to let your joints move out of their grip and unfold from their hold on something that wasn't meant to be held by you anymore. Sometimes you have to let them land somewhere new. I only hope that it's somewhere even more beautiful than before. Claire
For all the girls who are out there And think they are fat and **** Your not Your beautiful Your body is **** Don't let anyone bring you down We all can't be the same sizes Imagine might as well make us all look alike Thats why god made us different And we all go through different stuff Please love yourself as who you are Trust me there is someone out there Who loves you the way you are