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Skyla Sep 15
Would you, If you could press reset?
You stole my heart, put it back in my chest
You hate me when I’m lifeless but I love my emptiness
I’m not the soul you once met
I just need to lay underneath the dirt and rest
All I see are silhouettes
Do you love me too much to forget
even in this mindset?
Or do you regret?

I don’t feel pretty, I feel scared

I wanna be your dolly, broken and impaired
Sad, skin and bone
In your arms I found a home
Made of glass and deeply fragile
You cradled me while I was in denial

Do you adore me, yet?

These handcuffs are tightening
Everything is frightening
I don’t feel the thunder but I feel the lightening

Just hold me, don’t scold me, I know that you worry, but I feel so lovely,
I’m lying, I’m dying, I hate that you’re crying, and you think i’m falling but I think I’m flying.  

You said that perfect don’t exist
Then why do I feel it in my emptiness?

You see my sadness and my brittle little head
   But you don’t see the gore or the bloodshed

I destroy you while I destroy myself
You don’t think I’m pretty anymore because I’ve destroyed my health

I  wanna be half, ‘cause I hate being whole
So I bow down to a porcelain bowl

You try to find my skin under the sheets
But you only find the swelling cuts and my bones, so you dig deeper underneath
But there’s nothing there.  Not even blood or muscle.  There’s absolutely nothing but air.  

And I know that’s not what you want to touch
And I’ve robbed you of the girl you loved
I’ve taken her place and I wear her face
and you miss her most, but for now all you have is her ghost.

You try to force life into the ghost of her body
How come you want the “healthier” her, but you don’t want me?

Do you not see how much I’ve done for you?
Replacing meals with fingernails and trying not to feel
Growing too thin so I can finally win
This game that you don’t even want to be in

I love you, and you love a girl who is withering away into nothing

You don’t love my body you love my soul
You love my heart, which has grown cold

I’m shivering under your fingertips in this hollow body, in this cold skin of mine
Not from your touch but from feeling no heat
No heat from your love, no warmth from your touch, just cold and sad and stuck.  

And when I look in the mirror and tell the ghost of me that she looks pretty
She screams in return and her eyes ache for me to see that I’m absolutely hideous this way

Darling, do you adore me yet?
Bigorexia & Bonespiration
went to bed.
Bigorexia blew off
& Bonespiration was dead.

Torschlusspanik & Tidsoptimist
went to bed.
Torschlusspanik blew off
& Tidsoptimist was dead.

Jealousy & Compersion & Compersion
went to bed.
Jealousy blew off
& Compersion & Compersion & Jealousy were dead.

The ****** doors & Michael Caine
went to bed.
The ****** doors blew off
& Michael Caine was dead
chuffed.

Israel & Iran
went to bed.
Israel blew off
& everyfuckingbody was dead.
Novembre Oct 2018
I
Anorexia
She's the most cowardly death
There can be.
So much effort
Many lies
And also a lot of courage
Just to be consumed
And see you die
More and more
Everyday.
But never
I felt more cowardly than now.
Never.
Anorexia
Like self-harm
Are the scariest monsters
I could meet
Because even when
I think I'm out of it
I know it's not like that
And I suffer
And I try to do everything possible
For not to swallow anything
But it's late now
I just have to stay
Waiting for that flow of acidic liquid
Get out of my mouth
And free me
Free me
From that feeling of disgust that I feel
Throwing down a single bite.
So
I would like
To take me to cuts
Cut that crap of fat
Everywhere
And be light
And free.

— The End —