How do I express this without taking it too far
I'll lend you both my eyes so I can show you what you are
We'll put our feet in places where the sun is always ours
And lay beneath the open sky to watch it fill with stars
The air that I am breathing through the lungs that you provide
Is something like the lightest breeze I want to keep inside
I'll listen to your stories as the melodies unfold
And put them in my pockets, they'll continue being told
Remember where you're going let me follow while I can
I'll meet you on the other side of everywhere I am

is anything as deep as all the oceans in my Soul?
their waters carried gratitude that sanctified me whole
I swam into the waves and let them break upon my back
as joy began to cover all the feelings that I lacked

my longing turned to waiting and I thought about The Time
when life put me in places where your heart was only mine
I disappeared completely and it put my heart at ease
my Soul is in the ocean and I’m left with only Peace

Let's break apart the cymbals and the clashing of the time
remember what is holy and makes all of you divine
There's more than just a blessing in the melodies we seek
the grace we dare bestow will find its strength upon our knees
Whatever we remember and whatever we let go
will make itself a pillar in the places we will know
I'm not the only seeker and I've learned along the way
the people we connect with are the ones who choose to stay
And even as we grow in all directions that exist
the truth remains the same for those who bow their heads to it
I live, I serve, I love with every cell I see and feel
your presence in my life remains the only thing that's real

for those who need to see and feel the physical to breathe
there’s always been an element of, “show me You are here”
the movement of Your Spirit led my spirit to Your Hands
and even though I saw them, it was hard to understand

while both my eyes bore witness to the Miracle You are
my body clung to science and the meaning of the stars
by primitive behavior and by ways You spoke against
I tried to learn the heavens with all hell as my defense

I wandered and I wondered and I wore my body down
I made of my own senses nothing more than passing clouds
I tried to let The Meaning of the reason I am here
convince me You’re a thought that I could make to disappear

Release the smoke inside my head
and I'll be on my way to bed
I will not dream enough tonight
awoken by the morning light
you're only here when I am gone
to keep the warmth we're built upon
But what is sleep when dark is day
and everything is not okay
I want to be alone with you
and watch the phases of the moon
The quiet sky can hear the beat
of broken hearts and tarried feet
I'll walk away from all of this
and find the home of nothingness
A body carries many things
but human's only part of it
So take my bones and bury them
a naked soul I can't defend
The more I think, the less I am
apologies become my hands
I'm sorry now, I always was
the sun is up for both of us

the beauty of a human can't be bound by anything
and when we move together there is life beneath our skin
be not afraid to make yourself a canvas for The Truth
the color palette being what for others you can do
it's not about appeasing every person you will meet
for there is so much treason in desires many seek
the heart was not created to be treated like a stone
and every time it beats it doesn't beat for you alone
to find the pulse of promise you must daily lend your hands
by way of giving wholly may the others understand

though all my crosses bear a weight, they crumble in The Sun
they disappear completely and I slowly come undone
I wandered through a head of space I can’t believe I had
and actively ignored the every question I once asked

though all my choices bear a mark, they don’t define my Soul
they make a way for me to heal as soon as I let go
I recognized the wickedness my beating heart had seen
and actively pursued The Grace that brought me to my knees

What an awful thing it is to cast away your sun
To settle for reality that's never really done
I know the work that I have logged invited night to stay
But now I must come face to face with everything I say
As I confront them one by one, the words that I released
I find that rather than prepared, I've come to them decreased
And so I try to raid my thoughts for desperation's sake
In hopes that somehow memories can summon me to wake
Alas, the place I once arrayed has now been hollowed out  
And I'm ensnared inside a world I cannot  talk about

a fool of curiosity
      i never understood
          why medicating mentally
   was questioning the good
cannot explain it more than this        
                   except to also say
that who you are can walk with you        
      but also walk away

So how did I become the kind of person that I am
By changing every part of me I couldn't understand
I wonder what I'll find inside the skin that I suspend
Or maybe what I've lost is more apparent in the end
And where is all the evidence I carried on my back
The weight of it has turned it into something inexact
A haziness pervading what I once believed to be
The only inconsistency I wanted to perceive
Secure in all my shakiness but never unaware
That I was going down a road that wasn't even there
And maybe in my head I thought I'd save a place for you
Until I came to realize that's something I can't do

all these pictures in my mind
I've lost the plot and press rewind
the film is good, the reels have spun
but what I've seen has come undone 
I can't retain the stories told
they keep on slipping from my hold 
the screen I watched is blanket white
but can't be seen without a light
it's never day and always dark
I blocked the sun with my own heart
I feel it beat and listen close
it's fainter still, I've grown morose
so tell me please, it's all a dream
the final frame will tear the seam

Perhaps it was a night you don't remember
When your soul indiscreetly smothered mine
And there in the middle of the moment
I waited for the sun again to shine
I thought there was a purpose to the madness
The way my life began to rise and fall
But realizing day and night are lovers
I came to know the meaning of it all
I wasn't here to mend your broken spirit
I wasn't here to write you like a book
I must've thought I stumbled into shadows
For you to give me such a heavy look
But ours are not the eyes of the assassins'
we may destroy but we could never ****
I'm certain there is nothing left to wait for
We've seen it all but we are breathing still

I feel like a stranger to all that I know
as all of Your Wisdom envelops my soul
and suddenly thinking is healing my heart
I had no idea I’d fallen apart
they say when you’re breaking you’re never alone


so maybe I’ve lied to myself for too long
I’m learning to humble my person again
each day is an ocean of Mercy and Strength
to think I was safer inside of myself...
I must have gone crazy before I got well

we've pushed the gates of time a little tighter than they were
we've built our marble houses up on mountains made of words
as snow begins to melt, expose the fire of our tongues
there's nothing left to ruin, sow your silence back to Love
no not the kind that's fleeting, adding wrinkles to your skin
but One much lesser heavy than this cage of bone we're in

I've seen a trail that leads to the sky
that if I said I walked I'd be telling a lie
Instead I just stand here and let out a sigh
while something inside me stirs up a cry
I'm barely coherent and wondering why
my body decays but I do not die
Upon whom or what can I wholly rely
when purpose to life I cannot apply
This mind is the center of all I deny
blooming with thoughts that keep running dry
Lassitude follows and I will comply
create here a knot that I can't untie
I'm soaking in tints of thick heavy dye
and letting the color drain from my eye
I feel so much lighter as if I could fly
so set me on fire and watch me go by
I'll burn off the fuel of what I defy
and be left alone in my blueprinted high
You may all think my plans went awry 
until you uncover my motive - the 'why'
     


         the 'what I've been hiding all of this time'

there's nothing more unusual than syllables and tones
the movements of the tongue that you can feel with all your bones
if we could be their master what a world we would create
a frequency identical to humans and their ways
where someone else's stories can be ones to call your own
the art of you believing you would never be alone
but even as you speak there is a purple on your words
the portrait of a shadow that should not have been disturbed
for while you're sleeping steady there's a face that's on the loose
with cadency unrivaled and a notion for the noose
the case is in the details, in the smallest of the small
and what is most important - we may never see it all
a feeling is a feeling but a purpose is the sea
so put it all together - it was real for you and me

sometimes I feel invisible, sometimes I feel so seen
but mostly I exist inside the subtle in-between
I tarry in the stillness, let it satisfy my soul
but carry all the pieces that You give to make me whole

on paper I am brighter than the sun on any day
but underneath my skin I am another kind of way
I give up all the energy I have inside of me  
and leave myself with nothing more than everything I need

today I feel as visible as every kind of Grace
I walked into this morning knowing I would see Your Face
the papers I’ve been reading made their way out of my hands
so here I am rewriting all the words I know I can

Cover the casket with both of your hands
don't let them know that you had other plans

If it's out of sight then you've gone out of mind
you're traceable only by what's left behind

And those are the things that you cannot remove
try as you might, til your face has turned blue

For that is what put you inside of yourself
where nothing is living but no one can tell

you've talked about the many things that plague your lonely heart
how someone came into your life and made you fall apart
And what a difference it had made, the process of the loss
that in its stage of infancy alone was winter's frost
and coming out of sleeping spells that claimed you for so long
you somehow found a way to write an ending to the song
I saw you here inside of me and watched you walk away
I wanted this, I wanted you, I hoped that you would *stay

I want to leave my senses on the side of every road
I want to be suspended like the clouds but in my soul
I want to be immeasurable like stars are, in the sky
Like every kind of pain that can exist in human eyes

But

I want to put my heart into the oceans and the seas
I want to be reminded of the Times I went too deep
I want to know The Spirit that would let me crash in waves
But take me back to shores where I could fully come awake

So

I want to leave my senses in the marrow of my bones
I want to walk in tandem with the people I will know
I want to be as human as my soul lets my flesh be
So I can feel your heartbeat in the only Place I seek

there are people who have endgames, I’m the very least of these
I flourish in the stillness, where l fall upon my knees
it is there my every human trait surrenders to Your Truth
and teaches me The Only Way to live because of You

there are people who have heard You, there are many who have not
but still You manage peace despite their all-intrusive thoughts
as they flounder in the darkness and they fall upon their face
I wonder if their broken bones will lead them to Your Grace

there are people who have endgames I will never understand
I’ll share my words regardless, leave each syllable at hand
may it matter where they came from, may it matter where they go
may words I speak be graceful unto everyone I’ll know

so find yourself the time to die today
to all the things that cause your soul’s decay
being dead to flesh will remake your heart
Create of all your bones a Work of Art
The Painter is a Sculptor and Writer too
a Master in The Craft of Loving you
through everything that is and will always be
through every time you die but do not bleed

a thief believes everyone steals, he once thought
but into his pockets he wept
“I’ve taken and sold for a penny to have,”
“and nothing but nothing is left.”

a thief believes everyone hides, he once heard
so out of the shadows he crawled
The Light would reveal every Promise He Kept
the thief was exposed by them all

a thief can exist when there’s something to take
but not when there’s something to give
so Grace can’t be measured or bought for a dime
or sold for a second to live