Up north
There's this thing called queuing
Down south
It looks more like ******* looting
I can see the trouble brewing
Squeezing on the tube – can't even get my ******* shoe in
Some of these miserable ******* look like they need shooting
Stuck on the northern line back to Tooting

Imagine all the things I could have been
And all the places I could have seen
I should have married that girl
From Kensel Green
A beauty queen – so serene
The day alcohol ruined my life

Imagine all the books I could have read
And all those words left unsaid
I went out and got ****** instead
Fell down the stairs and broke my leg
Ten pints and I'm ready for bed
The day alcohol ruined my life

I could have been a Premiership footballer
One of the greats – the league's top scorer
Sponsored by Adidas and Diadora
Up there with Bobby Zamora
Scored an overhead kick from a corner
The day alcohol ruined my life

I could have been a movie star
Champagne and Caviar
Me and Arnie in the Terminator
*******, hookers and fast cars
Enough money to fly to Mars
The day alcohol ruined my life

The day alcohol ruined my life
I lost my kids
And I lost my wife
I woke up in East Fife
On the day alcohol ruined my life

I drink when I smoke
And I smoke when I drink
I think and I hope
And I hope when I think
I drink just to hope
******* hopelessly drink
I think down the road
There's a place I can think
In this place I can drink
And with my drink I can smoke
I'll finish my drink
With a feeling of hope
After this drink I will think
And think I can cope
I can't cope with this feeling
Of being alone

Look at all these wannabe gangsters
Terrorising our streets
That one's wearing camouflage trousers
Just wait till you hear him speak
'Dems bear skills mate'
'Can you lend me fifty bar?'
He sounds like he's from Los Angeles
Doing time in the yard
But he's not
He still lives at home with his mum
And his pregnant girlfriend
And he's under the thumb
You see them outside Tesco
But they're not shopping for pesto
Let's go
They've seen the old bill
He's known around this town
For selling dodgy pills
Guns, knives and slang
That's what you need
If you wanna be in their gang
No education
Just a stolen Playstation
And don't forget the ****
Even on a school night
They're out doing speed
You'll see 'em in the park
With a bottle of cider
Then they'll start
On a poor old-timer
Tracky bottoms
And a Burberry hat
Chav fashion
Cause they think they're all that
But the funny thing is
They don't have a clue
They don't think like
Me or you
They think that they're rap stars
Dreaming of fast cars
But they're just wankers
More like 'wannabe gangsters'

Hard drugs and safe ***
That’s all you need when your life’s a mess
A bit of brown
When you’re feeling down
Can really help
Turn your world around

A tight belt
Then an injection
A bit of foreplay
Time for protection
He rubbers up
And takes no chance
Safety first
In this romance
He needs no bed
Or fancy candles
They do it outside
The ***** scoundrels
He doesn’t want to compromise
Or run the risk
Of another life
He’s got everything
He could ever need
A crack pipe
And some speed

This is no place
To bring up a child
He knows that
They’d rather go wild
They shoot up
And take some blow
Take off their clothes
It’s all on show
She kisses his neck
Like he wants her to
Get the ‘jonny’ out
You know what to do
No emotion
It’s all commotion
A rollercoaster
Of deep devotion
An open mind
And the empty air
Hands entwined
As they lay bare

All he needs is hard drugs and safe ***
That’s all he needs when his life’s a wreck
A bit of brown
When he was down
Gave him a smile
And took away the frown

She broke his heart
It needed stitches
Then he said
All women are witches

She let him down
You’re not to blame
I’m leaving this town
It’s not the same
We had love
But it went away
What could have been
Wasn’t meant to stay

He can’t sleep
And his body itches
Then he said
All women are witches

One bad experience
Cut him deep in side
Deeper and deeper
With a rusty old knife
What was once love
Wasn’t meant to be
You’ll get over her
And those memories

The mind weeps
While the body twitches
Then he said
All women are witches

He took the wrong path
And he walked the line
She took him for granted
While he bought her wine
She lied to his face
Time after time
An utter disgrace
He’s now doing just fine
It's never easy
But you've got to let go
Enough is enough
I’m tired of this show
Now he's free as a bird
And back on track
He’s ****** her off
And got his life back

Now she’s gone
He removed the stitches
And no longer thinks
All women are witches

We're not all gonna live forever
Not matter how big
Or how ******* clever
Though it would be nice
To think twice
About how we're gonna spend
The afterlife
But in reality
We live and we die
We laugh and we cry
We love and we lie
We look fate
Right in the ******* eye
And when it's time
Life passes us by
And we end up in a box
Staring up at the sky