I ******* hate you
And this power you have over me
Because I don't fall in love gently
I fall so hard into the water and I sink; and I drown
I'm looking for you round every corner
In every blue Toyota
In every buzz of my phone
I come up empty
We're strangers
We've come full circle
But how long will it be before I'm done dreaming of you?

Sit patiently beside me while I dig through the shredded skins of my past selves, as I dig through the madness these scars hold, find and pull myself, brutally and with all the struggle of a world war, out of this black hole. Because once I come out of that black hole, I can discover the wonders of space; it’s stars, nebulae and the beauty of standing underneath the moon with you. Just let me save myself first.


©Noelle Marie

Somewhere I heard
The person who is your first thought on waking has your heart
Baby whoever said it was not wrong
Before my waking mind begins to unfog your name is at the forefront, your face is on the surface
Your scent, the feel of your touch is all there is
Memories of you, moments filled with you
You wholly own me
&
You have wholly forgotten me
Gods, all I pray for is to one day forget you.

Today the light went out
So what
Today I didn't get up
I just stayed on the floor with the dirt, blood drops, stagnant air
Today I stopped breathing, my organs stopped functioning
And I stopped being
It all fell off my shoulders
I gave it up, the race is too far, there's no chance of winning
Who am I explaining myself too?
Who the **** is there?
Who is there to call? To tell them I'm dead?
Who is there to miss me but my bed partners
-self-hate and sadness
You'll have to find someone else now
I'm gone
You'll have to tell no one that I'm dead
There's no one to tell.

I slept wrapped with your limbs
I slept with my heart enclosed in your hand
I slept with your skin caressing mine in the night
Breath mingling, sharing air
You walked, unaffected
I was in so deep, blind to anything but you
Still blind to anything but you
But you dont want to see me anymore
Stop calling, maybe Ill be able to progress from crawling.

Tell me
Why, one day I'm yours, I call you mine
The next we're nothing and you're cheery ******* fine
While I question the enormity of what I just gave you, how it meant so little
Feels like my insides are dragging behind me, a newly formed hole in the ozone sphere of my life
There's pieces of you, dotting my space
I hold back that need, want to beg, chase, convince you
Come back to me
I was talking decades and centuries, now all I hear is maybes
I was in such depths,
You were barely in the shallows

Ripped jeans and a cozy sweater
On a day like this wont you hug me better
Addictive cologne with that soft threadbare shirt
My head on your heart, makes my chest hurt
The scent of you covers my surrounds
I'd willingly drown in it
Your voice, the sweetest lullaby the world has known
It sends me off, sweet dreams,
You and Me in this world, alone
Four letters