I am so sad.
I know I should not be
drowning myself
in this deep water.
And I have swam
across this
so many
******* times.

But my arms
and my legs
are already
cold
and limp.

And I am just
too tired
too weak
to keep swimming.

I don't want to be here.
I feel alone, rejected, and betrayed.
But where do I want to be?
That, I do not know.
"You look so happy in all your pictures!"
A picture tells 1000 words, including those of my misery.
"You sound so happy on the phone."
It's because you won't let me not be happy.
I can't be honest with you because you just get mad at me.
I want to be somewhere where I feel home.
Where friends aren't fake, and the drama isn't high school-esque.
"Just muttle through."
I don't know how much longer I can take until I break again.
So, no, I do not want to be here.

To be unable to sleep without a drink in my system
To be unable to feel love, but seek it
To not know what beholds for me
But crave something

I feel so incredibly alone,
Summer is over and my birthday is tomorrow
I feel so low, all time low
I need something to believe in,
A war to fight for
To serve a purpose other than plating overpriced proteins

I feel stuck, unable to get myself out of this rut

It is 6 in the morning and I haven't slept yet
Im not tired
Falling skies and exposed bricks

Life has proven to be hard for me
I feel it all, everything I've done wrong
But I just cant let love feel

I am so incredibly alone

you never left the warm feelings that floated into the veins under my skin, the ink that stained permanent marks a lot like your name did my mind, I remember how your eyes looked in the sun, on Sunday mornings you preferred pancakes for breakfast - ones with white chocolate chips - and you left on a windy winter afternoon for an acting gig you 'couldn't pass up', I guess you weren't that good if i could almost smell the seconds that you'd close the door shut; your scent once owned the whole place. I always knew mountains came with valleys but I didn't know that we were at the edge of the country where the city begins and another time in my life unfolds.

Do not choose the girl who is battered and bruised,
the girl who always lost.
Do not choose the boy who is hurt,
the boy who never knew how to care.
Do not choose the girl with fears,
the one who never lives and is always scared.
Do not choose the boy with scars on his wrists,
the boy who has only one friend and that is his blade.
Do not choose the girl with a fake smile and drowsy brown eyes,
the one who only gives love but never accepts it.
Do not choose the boy with a loud laugh and a big crowd,
the one who has loneliness tattooed near his heart

Do not choose someone  not "normal",
by normal i mean someone with no flaws.
Do not choose them if you know you will constantly hurt them and learn new ways to tear them down.

Do not choose imperfection if all you wanna deal with is perfection.

He held out his hand to me,
but when I reached for his support,
he let me fall.
He looked at me
eyes so cold,
his voice sharp, wounding
"I'm not here to help you."