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Nov 2019 · 137
Miriam Nov 2019
we go through our pilgrimage
and everything feels like a desert.

we try to eat
and drink up,
and nothing,
like nothing is shifting or moving or changing
even a little bit

we grow discouraged
and even question it
dig our nails in the dirt in frustration
but we go on anyway

we read His word,
clinging to every sentence,
every phrase,
every word
like a starved man eating every bit of morsel

we pray even though our words are awkward and all jumbled up
and we don’t even know what to say
and we struggle against our flesh
with all our Spirit-empowered might
and believe that He will come
and break through the darkness…

because there is no darkness in Him.
we are encompassed by His righteousness and light.

we tread through this fallen world
and experience much suffering and sorrow and pain,
but just as He’s promised,
all is light and momentary and every affliction
He is using for His good purpose.

forgive us for chasing after comfort
and pursuing selfishness
and forsaking our brethren
and pouring out our worship
towards things that are useless and vain.

forgive us for turning to our idols,
for our pathetic band-aid solutions
towards problems that have been birthed by our sins.

we drink cheap entertainment
and adore the buzz it creates in our heads
because they drown out the heavy silence
and the emptiness.
but nothing fills.

think of your iniquities,
how seemingly insurmountable are they?
and yet, Christ’s mercies are stronger still.

there are days where this becomes so increasingly real,
beating like a gong inside my head:
I am at His mercy.
and it is a good thing, because it is true,
and if He were not gracious enough to open my eyes to the gospel
I’d still be a rebel
spitting on the face of God.

and nothing else quite like that
shakes me
to my
Jul 2017 · 518
sooner // later
Miriam Jul 2017
it will happen.

you will meet him. you will finally get to look into his eyes. feel his skin. see the slow lift of the corners of his lips as he smiles. it will no longer be pictures, no longer short video clips, no longer just a voice through the phone.

no, you’ll see him, you’ll experience the presence of his whole being.

you’ll feel electricity running up and down your spine, adrenaline rushing through and through, but you’ll feel a warmth and peace washing over you. you will be amazed at the rarity of this connection–how so many people you have encountered only leave you feeling drained, but this soul energizes you. refreshes you. and leaves you curiously wondering why that is.

and he will feel the same.

everything will unfold in a strange beautiful way. peaceful, yet you will feel its intensity. the most quiet explosion.

you’ve always believed there’s a higher love, a connection formed simply by being–not by convenience, not by looks. it’s just there, just like how the mountains are always there, or the sky, or the sea. it’s something natural. it’s something that just is, and we just discover it.

you’ve always believed it, and darling, you won’t be proven wrong.

it will happen.
Jun 2017 · 296
Miriam Jun 2017
give me a love that i can’t explain

a love that destroys superficiality

a love that proves it’s real and genuine despite every hard circumstance that tries to threaten it

more than just a pretty face or convenience,
give me something difficult to grab a hold of, but so worthy
that i would want nothing else but to fight for it
until i finally have it

something that would make others say,
“why not just give that one up
and reach for something else, something easier?”

to which i will answer,
“i can’t, i’ve tried,
and my heart simply cannot desire anything else
this is something too beautiful
and i know that beautiful things take time
i can wait, but i can’t afford to settle.”

and it is true; i can’t afford to settle
just because this is easier,
this is closer within my grasp,
does not mean my heart should choose it
i can’t, you know, i’ve tried–
but my soul cries and wails within me
perhaps it understands something my mind simply cannot

give me a love that will break barriers and tear down walls

give me a love so wide
it will overcome miles and miles and miles

a love so deep
it will overwhelm the oceans separating him and i
Jun 2017 · 1.2k
things i want to say to you
Miriam Jun 2017
how is it with you everything feels natural and right?
I didn’t think I could find someone I could talk to
without my heart fluttering uncomfortably in my chest
like a bird locked in a cage, just yearning to be free
wanting the conversation to end

do you know my heart flutters with you--
with a strange happiness?

I always believed love should feel like a release
and not a restriction
but it was difficult when with every soul
I find absolutely no pull
no connection

tell me this--
can you feel it too?
because I’m constantly in awe of this, of you
I’m left with wonder at our intertwined existences
how suddenly it could happen,
and how surprisingly right
nothing is forced or clashing
it simply merges and flows

there are some things too wonderful
for our finite minds to comprehend
that perhaps our souls just know.
darling, so it goes; some things are meant to be.
Miriam May 2017
i’ve written poetry about you
i’ve dreamed dreams of you

you were once a mystery
and a hopeful wish

but now you are here.
Feb 2017 · 1.1k
dear soulmate
Miriam Feb 2017
i can't explain you
i can usually make sense
of these feelings i feel
but for some reason
this is failing me

maybe it's always going to be a mystery
how some people can just crawl inside your heart
and make you feel like you're finally home

i hope you know
i've never felt this way
about another soul before

and naturally i should be scared
but this is one of the most peaceful things
i've ever felt.
you you you
Feb 2017 · 317
come make a hole in my sky
Miriam Feb 2017
love me softly

love me loud

i will not settle
for anything less
than that
i know my worth now
Jan 2017 · 776
Miriam Jan 2017
there are days when it feels heavy
and the wait is too long for me to take
so i try to make pretend that there is no longer real
and instead here is all that exists

but i know you–
you and i are alive at the same time

we are living under the same blanket of stars

we see the same moon

one day the distance will close
the miles will melt away like snow
and it will be beautiful

but for now, we wait,
and we cling onto the hand of the Maker
who is all in all and more than enough
to fill the emptiness in the cavity of our chests

we will walk that way, my darling, and soon
but we must learn to walk with Love Himself
if we want to walk it well

until then,

we wait.
for you, whoever you may be
Nov 2016 · 477
but then
Miriam Nov 2016
but then

you meet someone who understands you
you don't even have to try to convey your thoughts with words
because he already gets it
he already could feel the lightning in your chest
and the shadows that creep in the depths of your mind
without having to try

the little sparks you feel in your soul when he speaks
like a calm whisper
a soft breeze
a gentle touch on my skin

how easily he could unravel me without even trying
how easily my walls come crashing down when i'm around him

a growing flame inside my chest
giving light to this darkness

a warmth i didn't think i could feel again
that not even my doubtful heart could resist to believe in

how easily he could devour me in the most beautiful way
how easily he could reach inside the depths of my soul
when i had thought that nobody, not even the rain, could have done so
I don't know what the future holds for us but I am so grateful to know you, even if it is just for a moment
Sep 2016 · 623
poetry (10 w)
Miriam Sep 2016
you're my favorite poem
that God has written
into existence
Aug 2016 · 620
a prayer
Miriam Aug 2016
Jesus, empty me of myself
so I can be filled with You
and everyone I come across will come to know
the Love that captivated and saved my soul.
Aug 2016 · 975
a Savior's love
Miriam Aug 2016
the accuser shakes his finger at my face and whispers, “He’s not worth it. come with me and i will show you what pleasure is. don’t you want to see? don’t you want to live?”

but what i thought was pleasure brought me death. i drowned in all of the foolishness. i tried to swim back to the place i found grace but i found that i’ve become too weak and all of my strength has left. i can almost hear the enemy laughing in the distance–

“the only promise here is death”

but God reached out His hand from the heavens and reached for me
for me, for me–
He pulled me out of my misery,
and He said, “My love, enough. please stop chasing after lying lovers, after empty promises, after broken dreams, after sin. let Me be enough for you. lean on Me, i know you’re weary.”

i could feel His heart breaking. i could almost see the warm glow of His eyes with love pouring out into mine. there is something so beautiful about a Father who faithfully reaches for His child no matter how far away she has run from Him.

He never tires
i’ve run so many miles, but i could never outrun Him
i’ve spent so much time screaming at Him about my own heart,
of how it aches, of how it hurts
but He was still there, patiently waiting for my return

“don’t you see I Am the cure?
without Me you can do nothing
without Me you can do nothing
without Me you can do nothing”

i hear Him saying, over and over
almost sad
almost begging

sometimes all i can do is sit on the floor with my head in between my knees, with sobs rocking my body like an earthquake
because sometimes all i can think of is how heavy the price was, how precious grace truly is, how much we don’t deserve it

sometimes all i can think of is You on that cross, ****** and naked and bruised, and that was me on the ground yelling curses at You
telling You to save Yourself and come down,
with a hammer and Your blood on my hands

but You loved me through it all,
through my rebellion, through my sin, through the fall
and i don’t know what else to do but let my walls come crumbling down and give You my heart, no matter how broken
my breath, no matter how shaky
my life, no matter how messy–

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care,” You exclaim, interrupting my apologies and my excuses
i can hear joy in Your voice, i can hear anticipation
“don’t you see this is what I wanted? don’t you know what I can do with a heart that’s surrendered, no matter how broken?”

how passionate His voice, how warm, how kind
He wraps me up in an embrace like the father did with his prodigal child
He smiled, He smiled at me, and His joy was pouring out
as if i did nothing to hurt Him, as if every wrong thing i’ve done had been cast into the sea and forgotten about

even after all of it, Lord?
after all of my sins?
do You still love me after everything?

*“daughter, don’t you know how much love I have for you in My heart?
daughter, don’t you see these holes in My hands?”
Mar 2016 · 544
all of it, all at once
Miriam Mar 2016
feelings that wouldn't leave
trapping me
destroying my last shred
of sanity

people leaving
constantly going
without me

all of this misery

sadness burning in my stomach like wine

couldn't release my grip
couldn't let go
even though my hands are bleeding
i hold on even more

i'm tired of the chains around my feet
fingers tightly wrapped around my neck

i need freedom,
to breathe,

i need you here with me.
i don't know what this is about anymore
Feb 2016 · 689
illusions & dreams
Miriam Feb 2016
i feel things intensely
and that's why i run away
that's why i tend to disappear

i'm afraid of how much i can feel
it's a little overwhelming
and a lot scary

especially when you're unsure
of how the other person even feels
while you are already drowning

i guess this is my story
because it has been happening
over and over again to me

i fall in love and trip over myself
only to realize no one is on the other side
to even catch me

all illusions
all dreams

but maybe one day someone will be there
maybe one day it will all be real
and i won't be tripping over nothing
and i won't have a reason to fear.
Nov 2015 · 758
Miriam Nov 2015
it doesn't make sense for me to feel this way
because you're not even mine
but i still can't help feeling the way that i do
like i'm drowning and the water is digging into my lungs like a knife
i'm tired of the way my heart wants something that it can't have
making me feel sad at night over things within my grasp
but can't really hold with my hands
Oct 2015 · 978
almost lover
Miriam Oct 2015
sometimes i feel like going back in time
to try to tell myself things that i didn't know then
to try to save myself from the ache that made my heart bend

he didn't love you for your soul
he didn't love you at all

he's not going to stay
don't hold out that hope

please let him go
please let him go
please let him go

because i'm still trying to say these things to myself today
and i don't know for how long i'm going to have to
until i begin to realize it was all just a mistake
and i've confused another stranger with a soulmate.
Sep 2015 · 994
heavy heart
Miriam Sep 2015
why is my heart so full?
why are my affections so heavy?

sometimes i feel
like i have been cursed with a heart
that feels too much
too quickly
too soon

falling in love
is all i know how to do
falling apart
is a close second

(but i guess the latter
just normally happens
as soon as the former does)
im tired
Miriam Jun 2015
i'm not stupid enough to believe
that everything lasts forever
and that nobody ever leaves
because i've seen it happen
so many times to me

everything i've ever had to let go of
has claw marks on it

but the thing is, i'm fine with that:
with things changing
with people leaving me
i guess i just came to terms
with the fact that that's life

but the one thing i don't think
i can ever handle
would be losing you

i think it would wreck me to pieces
i think it would leave me so devastated
that it would be like tearing my heart right out of my chest,

because i think i'm in love with you
and i don't even care about losing anyone else

you are all i've ever wanted.
Jun 2015 · 1.2k
my sun and stars
Miriam Jun 2015
i have to tell you

the thought of losing you
makes my stomach turn
my fingers tremble
and my chest ache with waves
of pain

because i've never wanted
anyone more
in my entire life
and it scares me that you have me
right in the palm of your hand

promise me you'll stay
unlike the others

promise me
you won't change your mind

promise me
that your promises
won't be bent
by passing time

that i am more than just a passing fancy
that you'd get bored of then leave
once someone with a prettier face
comes around knocking at your door

because you're starting to feel
like home

and nothing terrifies me more.
stay with me
Apr 2015 · 1.1k
Savior King
Miriam Apr 2015
thank You for loving me
thank You for never turning away when i did
thank You for never giving up when i walked away from You
and convinced myself that it’s alright, that i’m alright,
even when i woke up with a heavy feeling in my chest
and everyday was a struggle just trying to breathe without You

thank You for Your faithfulness
thank You for Your grace
thank You for Your presence surrounding me
even when i did nothing but spit on Your face
and curse Your Name behind closed doors where i thought nobody could see,
but come Sunday and i put on my best dress
and pretended to worship.

thank You for Your patience;
You patiently searched for me in ***** alleyways where You didn’t belong
where the enemy stripped me of my clothes and dressed me in shame
chained my feet
and told me lies after lies after lies
and how i believed him.

i sold my soul to sin and i thought i was shackled for life
but You came to me
and bought me with the blood of Christ
the price for my life was the death of Your Son,
and You said, “so be it, I will send Him.”

i can never thank You enough.

i will never fathom the depth of Your love,
how You sent Your Beloved to die
for someone so undeserving,
for a people like us.

thank You for Your love,
thank You,
thank You,
thank You.

my life is a gift for You alone, Savior King.

oh i can see it now, i can see the love in Your eyes
i can see it. i can see it.

thank You.

thank You.

thank You.
my heart is full
Feb 2015 · 3.6k
tsunami tides
Miriam Feb 2015
you know when you miss someone so much
it’s like tsunami tides washing over you
and it almost hurts to breathe
you just stand there, not knowing what to do
overcome with emotions that makes you think of days long gone
and people that have walked away from you.

i didn’t expect you to be gone so soon—
i feel like our conversation is still hanging in the air
just waiting to be continued

i still have so many things to say to you
but i guess they’re going to have to be
left unsaid, forever stuck in my throat

sometimes i sit here with my heartache
raging quietly inside of myself
and i don’t know what to do with my hands
my chest feels tight
and i feel like i am drowning

i want this feeling to stop now but i know it’s going to take a while
so i just sit here and try to repress it
because i don’t want to let it overcome me.
your goodbye took me by surprise
and left a bitter taste in my mouth;
i guess i should’ve seen it coming
i just wasn’t brave enough to
Miriam Feb 2015
you will meet someone beautiful
who will make you wonder
why you ever thought
you were better off
Feb 2015 · 1.7k
Miriam Feb 2015
someday someone out there is going to look at you like you’re made of stardust and will love you as if it's what they were born to do.

wait for it.
Miriam Dec 2014
it scares me how lonely i can be
how i will do anything, anything, anything
just to feel affection
just to feel like i belong
to feel like i am worthy of love

because lately i have been bleeding and needing You
but i look for love in all the wrong places

my heart is stitched on my sleeve
but nobody ever looks at me
i want to shine brighter than the sun
but my fears dim my light into a mere shadow

i'm sick of wanting
of desiring something that cannot be

is this it for me?
is this all?
why has life been so cruel?
im scared of my heart
Miriam Oct 2014
everything is just so fragile
happiness so elusive
i keep trying to cling and cling and cling onto something
to keep my soul from breaking
nothing good ever sticks around long enough to keep me sane

i'm losing control
my nails are only digging deeper and deeper into the dirt

i'm never gonna be enough for anyone, am i?
i'm always just going to be someone in the background

i'm replaceable and so alone
i swear to god this didn't use to hurt
but now i can feel a literal aching in my soul
like life has been ****** out of me but my body still keeps on breathing
and breathing and breathing and breathing but
it hurts to even breathe
there's a giant sorrow swirling in my stomach
i can feel it swallowing me whole

i don't know anymore

i wish i could just ***** out these emotions from the inside
they would burn my tongue and throat
but at least i would've gotten it out of my system
then maybe i wouldn't feel like i'm losing control.
Oct 2014 · 552
a n x i e t y
Miriam Oct 2014
anxiety feels like you're on top of a roller coaster but it's stuck and you're scared of heights and you just want to die the fear is thick and the air feels weird and you just want to quit but you're up so so so high  the feeling in your stomach makes you want to ***** but you cant get off and you curse and you cry

all you want to do is die

that's what anxiety feels like.
Jul 2014 · 1.1k
obsessed with sadness (10 w)
Miriam Jul 2014
i need misery
like a drug addict
needs a hit
Miriam May 2014
i fall in love with melancholy—
it undresses my mind and ushers out words
i didn’t know i had in me

there are some things that i can only say
when i am swimming in loneliness,
but not drowning

but sometimes it’s too much;
sad songs don’t caress the wound anymore

they poke at them,
make them bleed,
worsen it

i guess they were right, after all

when you feel darkness
knocking on your door,
don’t let it in—
it is not your friend

you deserve more than this sadness.
May 2014 · 692
my biggest fears
Miriam May 2014
reaching the end
having not lived life
to the fullest

missing out and
losing friends

you falling in love
with someone else.
May 2014 · 4.5k
Miriam May 2014
is like crashing onto the shore
getting pulled back by the waves
with water in your mouth
and your vision going black
and it feels like somehow
it's never gonna stop

you keep on sinking
and sinking
and sinking,

but you never
May 2014 · 1.1k
Miriam May 2014
how can something so beautiful
hurt so much?
May 2014 · 1.2k
500 days
Miriam May 2014
love ruins things
it leaves us all destitute
and hungry for something else
greater than ourselves

it all ends
it all breaks
we all give up

what's the point of letting someone
who will eventually leave
see your bare soul?

i don't know i don't know i don't know

i just felt like i didn't belong

it just didn't feel right
and i didn't feel secure

his heart was made of broken eggshells
and i got tired of tiptoeing in his presence

i knew it was bound to break

"it's just love," he said

and that's exactly the reason why i left.
May 2014 · 488
it's all a mess
Miriam May 2014
(sometimes what you think is real
is only just in your head)

maybe this is a dream
but why would I ever want this?

(sometimes I wish I could stop the thoughts tumbling through and through in my head
because this fear and uncertainty
got a hold of me again)

I can see a path paved for me, I think,
but I don't like how lonely it looks from here

I hope I'm just too far away to see...
Apr 2014 · 856
Dear God
Miriam Apr 2014
if I will learn best to heed Your presence through the pain,
then keep me in this hell

God, I swear, I don’t care

I need You like crazy and I know that too well,
but some parts of my heart are dead—
no, I think most of them

I’ve brutally damaged the rest
through this pain that I’ve found
in the emptiness of my chest
and I don’t know what to do now;
I am drowning and I need You so bad,
but something in me still keeps fighting You away,
pushing Your hand.

And Your whisper keeps being diminished
by this shouting voice in my head
saying I don’t need You.
But God, I do.

And it hurts
because I’m listening to the screaming voice in my head
saying over and over again that I’m just fine here on my own,
giving the devil my soul
while I dance on the thin line
between cold and warm.

Father, I’m sorry.
Mostly for all the times that I weren’t,
and because I know exactly what I do.

I can see the image of the hammer in my hands again
with Your blood gushing through Your cracked skin
as You hang upon that cross,
the place where You died for my sin.
My shame is thick and maybe so is my pride
because I’m turning away,
turning away from the light of Your bright eyes
and I’m sick of this.

When will the cycle ever end?

God, I love You but the pain in my chest—

And then, just as fog lifts ever so slightly
over a city to reveal the sun again,
You remove the fear I installed inside of my heart.
The voices that speak lies over me are dead.

I awake to the sound of Your voice
and You’re singing over me after all I’ve done.

(After all I’ve done, God, how You still love me after all I’ve done)

You said You saw me there as You hung upon the cross—
limp and ****** and carrying a darkness thicker
than the worst pain we all have ever tasted in this world.

You said You saw me at my worst—
You said You saw me cursing Your Name while I slept on dirt.

You saw me at my worst.

And what’s most amazing is
You saw the blasphemous lies I’ve believed,
I’ve breathed,
I’ve eaten up,
and lived,
and You still died for me on that cross.


You saw me at my worst.

And I know I ***** up and fall down
and sometimes I want to stay on this ground
but You tell me You’re here
and that it was still Your joy to die for me
so I could live in Your glory
and it is Your joy to forgive me.

You saw my filthy soul and You still desired to die for me.

How sick,
how twisted,
how disgusting this world has made me feel;

I’ve cheated myself with these fleeting pleasures of sin,
but now You’re here.
You are here and I am made for You,
to live in Your love,
to dance to the sound of Your song,
to dwell in Your presence forever.

You accept me,
You don’t cast me out.
You forgive—leading me to the road of repentance.
I thought it would be dark and heavy
but with my soul paid in full
it isn’t hard to say no to this world.

The enemy has tried to steal my soul,
but the Light of Christ is leading me
to the truth that I’ve come to know.
And I’m knowing it again,
over and over and over again—

Let me, then, leave my heart in Your hands,
and let it stay there.
And if keeping me in this hell will draw me closer to You,
then I will take it and gladly so,
for I’ve tasted the emptiness of this world and Your discipline may hurt—

But God, everything else is worse.

Break me, I beg You, break me until I am whole.
Mar 2014 · 1.1k
someday (10 w)
Miriam Mar 2014
someday i'll
fall asleep
to the sound
of your heartbeat.
Miriam Mar 2014
i got the feeling
i was losing control
felt like i drank
too much wine
or had too much caffeine
in my bloodstream

the walls felt like
they were crashing
down all around me
there was too much air
but i couldn't breathe

you were like
a panic attack
coming on

i hated
of it.
Miriam Mar 2014
i don't i don't i don't

but i am curious
and i want to know

what does it feel like to fall in love with another soul
to know their deepest secrets but still love them
and see the worst parts about them
but that only magnifies the good

what does it feel like when it's 3 am and you can't sleep
and not because you're lonely
but because you're not anymore

what does it feel like to become so vulnerable
that you would let another soul cut open your chest
and let them see everything you've kept hidden

what does it feel like to trust someone so much
you'd let them hold your heart in their hands?

i don't know

but what i do know is everything fades to gray
and people can ruin things and make mistakes

so what does it feel like when it all breaks
when the person you love stabs your heart
and they swear they didn't mean to do it

when they look at you and you look at them
but all you see is boredom seeping through their eyes
and they don't want to kiss you anymore
and the hand they hold yours with feels limp and lifeless

what does it feel like when trust finally turns into a knife
and the person you thought would never hurt you the most
would stab you over and over with all of their lies

what does it feel like when the person you love
begins to grow increasingly distant from you
and you can't do anything but watch
and just hope that maybe you'll get over it soon?

what does it feel like?

i don't want to fall in love

i don't i don't i don't
Mar 2014 · 817
5 am
Miriam Mar 2014
it's so easy to talk about loneliness and pain
to romanticize all of these things that i've been feeling
and throw in rhymes here and there

but how do i get myself out of this mess?
how do you fall in love when you're so uncomfortable
with yourself?

it's 5 am again and all i can think of is
how quickly my fingers hover over the keys
and there are people rising but
i still cannot sleep

i am engulfed in sad songs and books and the quotes
in those books that tell me more about myself
than i ever can

(sometimes i wish some dead poets were my friends
and then sometimes i wish i could put on a mask
and masquerade around as another person,
as a stranger even to myself
i feel like i'd be more comfortable then)

tell me, what does it feel like to fall in love?
does it feel like electricity crawling up and down your spine,
like warm fuzzy feelings swirling in your stomach like wine?
and does it last? or do people just pretend?
will i ever find love? or will i be all alone in the end?
Feb 2014 · 663
Miriam Feb 2014
we are seven billion people
on this great big rock
and we are all alive
a more optimistic view on life i guess. life is amazing, i just forget sometimes
Feb 2014 · 721
(10 w)
Miriam Feb 2014
seven billion people in this world;
i still feel alone.
Miriam Feb 2014
maybe i'm just exacerbating everything

i don't know if this sadness is real
this social anxiety
this fear

this never-ending ******* fear

i just want to get away from it all
get lost in someplace beautiful
someplace safe and someplace good
someplace i can call my home

when will this struggle ever end?
do you think our hearts get stronger?
do you believe there's something beautiful
on the other side of the fence?

my faith exists
but so does fear
and constantly they wrestle in my mind
and sometimes the voices in my head
just won't shut up

i believe there's something good out there
life ***** sometimes, i know, i know, i know
but hope is more powerful than anything i've ever felt

so i guess the struggle will end
and our hearts get stronger
and there's something beautiful
on the other side of the fence

i don't know how and i don't know why and i don't know when

but i believe it'll get better,
and for now that's more than enough for me.
Miriam Jan 2014
my patience is growing weak and thin
and i'm getting sick and tired of everything

nothing makes sense; it's all a blur in my head
words do nothing but hang stale in the air
and i don't know how to start from here

i can try to pull myself together
but is it even worth it
when i keep falling apart?

my efforts keep getting wasted on
the never-ending and unrelenting
struggle to be free

my feet are chained
my mind's a cage

i don't know where to go,
or how to begin

i feel so numb

i've really tried keeping it together this week
but i'm falling apart at the seams

it's starting to smell like giving up in here

it's starting to smell a lot like fear.
Miriam Jan 2014
but it's okay.

let me handle this sadness by listening to sad records
and wishing in vain that i was anywhere else but here

because sometimes i get out of this misery
by drowning in more of it

how do you get over something
that never happened,
but felt so real?

am i crazy and just imagining things,
or is there something here?

maybe quit trying to make me hang on,
because the higher this goes,
the harder the fall


i feel so alone.
Jan 2014 · 1.7k
Miriam Jan 2014
my heart has been feeling both numb
and heavy at the same time

there are so many souls but all of them
seem so untouchable

or maybe that’s just me
maybe i’ve shut myself off from everybody

and maybe it’s also just me—
but is there a fine line between happy and sad?
because i think i’ve blurred it out
and mixed them both up

(i am both happy and sad;
i am both brave and afraid)

i am a contradiction
and i am tired of walking along the fine lines
the way is steep and dark, filled with ghosts,
and things that haunt my heart

please clear this muddy path again,
or i’ll end up on the ugly side of the fence.
Jan 2014 · 500
Miriam Jan 2014
but the truth is
i never wanted to be alone

i just wanted to get away
from those who don't understand
whatever the hell is going on
inside of my soul

because there's so much conflict
and thoughts wrestling inside
of my brain;

i don't need to be around someone
who doesn't understand it

so, i guess, i chose solitude
if you can even really call it that

i'm stuck in a cage made out of
my own fears
whether they be fiction or real

(who knows the difference
between them nowadays

and now i'm just learning to try again
because all i've been doing is
giving up on myself and everyone else.
Sep 2013 · 942
Miriam Sep 2013
all of the poems i try to bleed feel incomplete
so that's why i haven't really written anything lately

i guess it's kind of like

sometimes you want something so much that you can feel it boring a hole through your soul
but when you get it you just go numb and your heart won't believe it

i guess.

i don't know.

maybe i just got so used to pessimism
or maybe i just got so used to everything being so dark

maybe i forget hope sometimes because i haven't been looking at Him

either way, i'm trying

not all those who wander are lost.
Miriam Sep 2013
i fear i feel
too strongly
too much

i fear i overwork
my emotions
and heart

i fear i won't
be able to stop
these emotions
drenching my
crooked soul

i can hear the wind blow;
tonight i'll stay up late just to watch
the sky glow with bright orange

there are people in this world
that i'd like to know, but
i'd never meet, i'd never see
somehow that really saddens me

my mind is clouded with thoughts
that stream on and on and on and on,
sometimes i don't know what to do at all
other than turn up the volume of the radio
to play a terrible pop song

these are the days that must happen to you,
a wise man once said

i just wish, sometimes,
i had someone special to experience it with.
rambling at 3:27 am. i hope you're all having a fantastic day/night. :)
Sep 2013 · 517
Miriam Sep 2013
and when you find yourself
feeling sad and alone,

remember that there are many beautiful places
in this world you haven’t yet seen,

and wonderful people
you are yet to meet.
Aug 2013 · 762
a rambling of sorts
Miriam Aug 2013
monsters exist
but only in my head
smetimes they appear in my dreams
but the scenes last only a split second

i've been drinking too much caffeine
and driving myself a little insane;
i've been listening to sad records and wishing in vain,

and i've been trying, trying, trying
but all i've done is cry
and i've been doing my best fixing up holes in my soul
but still my passions leak - out they go and disappear

it's been a strange year

Rilke said you go through important changes while you're sad
i hope so, i hope he's right
because i've been sad for a long time
and i'm starting to think this isn't worth it

if someone loves me, won't they tell me?
won't you tell me before i shut off completely?
Aug 2013 · 578
void (10 w)
Miriam Aug 2013
the emptiness of this world
is shattering me
to pieces
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