my head ached with all the words i never said
my body numb
my lips frezing
my eyes shut tightly
i didnt want to see the pain in your eyes
after i said "im sorry"
I didn't want to feel what the pain
of loosing me was like
but i had to let you go..

You know when I was a kid we used to have seasons
The bitter biting winds and cruel frosts of winter
Seemed to vanish overnight
Green shoots would appear as though by magic
Biting winds replaced by a gentle wind and cold lashing rain
Replaced by a gentle breeze and warm spring showers
Summer appeared over the morning horizon
Crops were ripening and we swam in the streams and basked
In the warm summer sun
A time for camping and family picnics
To our young minds the hot dry summers
Seemed to last for eternity
Then almost without warning the leaves turned from green to russet
To yellows and reds
Apples suddenly tasted much sweeter and there was an abundance
Of all things edible
Mums were suddenly busy
Pickling, preserving, making jams
That was also the time the Christmas pudding was made
What glorious halcyon days they were
Suddenly it turned colder
Spider webs gleaming under a coating of night time dew
Early morning frost on the grass
Glinting in the morning sun
Like a million diamonds
Where oh where have our seasons gone?

I tried to give you the absolute best in this world.
To show you the beauty in the darkness
and pretend that we were in the light.
But I quickly had to remember where we stood.
So along with our perfection there lied jagged edges.
Sharp points that still cut,
opening scars that never truly healed.
With showing you what was right in this world
I also showed you what was wrong.
I'm sorry I was both.