one by one I am burning all of the bridges
the warmest I've ever been was the night I lost you
it hurt the way it does when you swallow a pill
your chest tightening and the strangest discomfort
and it seems like it might feel this way forever
until it doesn't
losing you didn't feel like a disaster
it messes with my mind because I've never known how to let someone walk away
without begging them to stay
it's as if from the first night we met I was preparing for goodbye
I've had far too many glimpses of the kind of love that wrecks you
to ever settle for going through the motions

I wore your shirt home on Tuesday
1 am and the way the street lights danced across your skin
I'm not sure if I knew you then
I'm not sure if I could picture more than present tense between us
but the present felt so nice and I liked the way your hand fit in mine
maybe I knew the entire time I was never meant for someone like you
Sunday still took me by surprise
I think you taught me you can lose someone without feeling like you've lost yourself
I think you taught me I can care for a person without it being the end of me

I've been drawing silver lines in all the words you never said
I should've read the silence as more than just comfort
you taught me that chemistry is vital
and your arms felt nice wrapped around me
but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of him
so believe me when I say I don't hate you
not even a little bit, not even at all
I hope you found in her what I wanted us to be
we both deserve the kind of love that makes our heads spin

you will sleep in the same shirt for three weeks before you realize it's just as ***** as the memories
and the apology will never come when it is stained with the tears you swore you wouldn't waste
he won't miss you when you are still remembering him like a reflex
but he will appear on a Thursday afternoon
empty text messages and you hate the way your mind feels dizzy
6 months clean and half in love with someone new
he was never meant to complete you
please believe me when I say he only wants you because you are no longer his
please don't go back to the very thing that broke you
expecting to be healed

take the time you need to find yourself
I know that love seems impossible when you're hurting
and I know I still have things to learn and wounds to heal
I will think of you in the in-between
I'll pray that what is meant for me will never be lost

It never mattered much that you weren't mind to hold
I have a bad habit of waiting for people to change their minds
and hoping I'll fall back into the arms of someone who was never meant to stay
It's always more the idea of someone than it is the person standing in front of me
so I spend my mornings listening to music that reminds me of you
pretending to know the boy I only wanted you to be