you don't exist when
my eyes are open
you don't exist when
my blood's not poisoned
when my soul's at peace
when my gut is full
and when I'm in company

So you exist most of the time
dear muse

the words flow up
toward my mouth

my lips have never spoken them

but i've said them a thousand times

I own a heart                  
                     Dark and pumping
It helps
        And it hurts.                                                           It’s near to me
It’s always here

                 Blue and red flashes,
Flesh.  
Blood red.
                                             Soul.

Roaring cars outside that can barely be heard above the noise in my head.
Beautiful colours all around that can't be appreciated because of the tears in my eyes.
Friends having fun whilst I lie in my bed.
I keep on telling them lies.
I need to find myself
before I fall into this

Deep

Deep

abyss

Fed up with the world around.
I'm isolated.
No-one sees the pain within.
Endless. Torture.

The lines cutting through the canvas,
one by one carving it up.
Slowly turning it into this piece of "art".
The vivid colours jumping from the page
screaming, Look at me! Look at me!
Well, we are looking.
Yet we never truly see what is there.

Some people,
Unknown to those around them,
Isolate themselves from the world.
Causing them to have so many thoughts,
Ideas they can't control
Decisions running through their head.
Eventually, they decide it's easier to just, end it.

The moon stands still in the night sky.
Stars dancing as they catch my eye.
Looking left
                   Looking right
There is no movement in the dead of night.
Slowly time ticks by,
and yet I find myself unmoved.
Transfixed by the calmness of the night.

Emotionless through the years,
many didn't see,
possibly because they didn't want to.
Talking might have helped... but they were too busy.
Yet they'll be the first to cry once I'm gone.