what is it about birthdays?

it's just another day,
but u just grew older.
it's just another day,
yet everyone knows you.
it's just another day,
when everyone is good to you.

what is it about birthdays
that when it comes
people doesn't treat u
like how they always do?

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

maybe if to you, i didn't lie,
you're still alive.
maybe if i didn't talk back to you,
you're still here, real & true.
maybe if I wasn't naughty,
I wouldn't be visiting you in a cemetery.
maybe if I just listen to everything you've said,
you wouldn't be dead.
maybe if I made you more proud,
you'd sleep beside me safe & sound.
maybe if I didn't stress you so much,
I wouldn't write this such.
maybe if I was a good daughter,
your life lasted longer.
maybe if I didn't do all of those,
you're still here with me real close.

it's been 9 years,
and I still can't stop my falling tears...

Your naked body
Pressed on mine
We kissed

I thought that
I should feel
Something

Thrill, euphoria
Lust, love
Or bliss

But no
I felt
Nothing