My vocabulary is beginning to fade,
I see lights that I shouldn't see.
Shadow figures are surrounding me,
I can not see.
I can not see.
She grabs a hold of my arm, warning me tightly,
I laughed it off, pretending to care.

She screams to me, "Why can't you see?",
see the things which are in me.
I saw her tempting glare, pulling me in for this seductive game,
lust and love, they corrupt one another.
I could not bare to let this moment pass.
She looked at me dead in the eyes,
I saw the shadow figure for the first time.
Now in the face of hers, but in another.
A woman.
A woman I looked up to once.
Begin to panic: automatically.

I felt my heart drop completely.
He thinks I'm insane.
she understands the game.
I've been, manipulated.
I wish people understood us,
those figures who shrug the world off.
We don't care about infamy, it's just,
if we don't have hate, we will degrade.

We are left to be soiled in the ground,
to the point we are molded now.
We just want to break off this pain,
but we never, never, never were cared.
Those who wear the masks are safe.
Those pretenders, faking in the grave,
dancing a sweet jig before I see,
I will never return the pattern to them.

The pretzel feeling through my brain,
forgiveness shall never be taken easily again.
I will not, let myself degrade.
I shall stand alone in this rain.

I broke my rules I gave to myself,
I shattered my truce.
The clock keeps ticking, I keep crying,
wondering if I can bother to talking to you.
I see myself slowly crumbling, like I'm dust.
I feel my face being slowly shattered,
I can not speak my tongue.

Rule over my eyesight I screamed,
now I learn, now I've learned to break free.
I wish for my arms to touch the sky,
I did not want to hide.
You offered me a sweet sacrifice,
I was willing to take.

For I found out that my disloyalty,
ended up with me facing fate itself.
One thing is to hide, another to lie.
Lying it killed me.

I'm sitting here begging to be free inside of my soul.
I tried so hard to love another,
but he does not see me at all.
Just like how over the months,
you have become more faded in this storybook.
Where is the protagonist,
I only see the villain now.

I see a crowded light,
with millions of souls surrounding.
I see the clock, ticking on and on,
until my life is gone, I have nothing at all.

There's a sharp pain in my side, driving me insane,
clicking my back all the time, ouch ouch ouch.
Message from him, a message from her,
they both love me you know, it's pretty awkward.
I have a box on my desk, it's brown and filled up,
nothing good to you maybe, but stuff I treasure a lot.
There's that drawing I did when sleep high,
"Sleep High" is what my friends like to call tired.
Might update another piece of writing today, not sure yet,
I can't believe I've been writing this since 2012.
The cat is so soft, I wanna just snuggle his fur,
I'm trying to think of a song to listen to, but I can't be bothered.

There's a little man on my hand,
on my hand, on my hand.
There's a little man on my hand,
he's jumping on the trampoline.

You are so bitter to me, inner torture of worry,
I ask my thoughts endless questions, questions like “What went wrong?”.
I want to spread my vibrancy of inner beauty and love,
yet I glance to see your hatred does not contribute to the above.
I feel the anger build up, being forced down my throat,
Individual's lanterns fade into the dark.
Contacts one by one disappear into the black,
isolated, I am all alone again.

I feel my anxious heartbeats, beating up and down,
I scream out with excitement which ruins all around.
I mostly wish my yelling would be heard from the side,
the other side of the room filled with all my love inside.

After feeling like all is gone, I rush into the cell,
painted wallpaper surroundings, windows forced shut.
I feel the days rushing past, the weeks alongside months too,
before I know it years have gone by and I'm still thinking of you.
I treasure my memories so deep and wonderfully inside my cracked heart,
I know you may have forgotten me, but I will never move on.

Popularity of others push images to the ground,
one of those images of identification happened to be mine.
I saw you there in the crowd cheering the beating on,
you watched the punches, slaps and cuts all over my body.
That ray of light I once had seen arisen from the dark,
an arm around me another in the air projecting the word, “Stop”.
I saw your face for the first time again and the drops of rain fell down,
you looked at me with your deep blue eyes and said it's all done now.
I felt my emptiness pour in, feeling my tears fly,
from my eye ducts to your skin, your warmth dries them up.

For years now continue on more and now you are all stone,
I tried so hard to make you smile, but I realized back then...
We can not always make one another smile in the light of day,
someday we share tears of pain and suffering we bare.
Now I see the candle in the freezing empty church,
but I didn't feel scared at all when I looked up and saw you there.

There's a knot in my throat
That fills me with tears that drown me not allowing me to float.
Causing me to lose hope in everything I believed to once be true .
Making  me feel like the world's biggest fool.
I've never felt this low.
Contemplating cutting my ears off like Vincent Van Gogh.
Just so I would no longer have to hear those lies .
So I could be free to be the owl who once spread her wings across that starry night sky.

It's amazing how long a girl can stay up just thinking about her past,
it's just so breathtaking how you changed so quickly.
She always complained to herself, thinking that she lost you,
she acted so cold every night in pure misery towards you.
You thought you were bringing her pain and somehow you were right,
yet little did you care when she said "It's all just in my mind".
She didn't say that out of desperation to defend, she was honest to heart,
she over-thought nearly everything all way too much.

That night she cheated on you, what a dumb mistake that was,
she had her phone taken away to dump you in the morn'.
The morning was supposed to bring a whole new light,
yet instead of a celebration you cried throughout the night.
She desperately cried going on and off between,
eventually you had enough and ended everything completely.
The boy she cheated on you with, hurts her more than before,
he never bothers to speak, acts like she's nothing at all.

She thought she was losing when originally she had it all,
if she could turn the clocks back she really would.
Yet he has changed, and as human beings we can't change that,
he doesn't approve of her bunny ear life, he walked away from that.
Imagination alongside wonder, the art world surrounded her throat,
she loved animals and drawing them, yet he did not like before.

Eight hundred and fifty, you heard that number correct,
that is the number of people she gathered since the departure.
Question all you like, but ever since the end, a new part of her opened,
something new and wonderful was born.
She shortened her name like you called her, doubling it twice,
now people look up to her and beg to hear her advice.
She love her channel of videos, she supplies almost everyday,
other people don't approve of it but she couldn't care what they say.

She is me,
and she loves how she's living,
the only issue,
and I wish you could see,
I still really miss,
seeing you next to me.