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O Jun 2018
Things that should be long forgotten.

They roam through the hallways of my mind,
Scratching on doors and knocking on walls,
Trying for attention of any kind,
I rub my temples and put down my head,
I try to focus on lighter thoughts,
But here I am drowning again,
In the confines of my panic box.

(Deep breaths, they say)
Where they chain themselves to stay,
(Count back from ten)
The ghosts of memories sink their claws in.

Things that should be long forgotten,
Yet the world triggers them again and again.
I have never been diagnosed with anything, I would hate to say that I have a condition that I don't. I am scared though, I am very strong willed and feel I have the strength to get through anything, but I do have triggers and people can see it on my face when it happens. I have to leave if it's visual, I have to change subjects if it's verbal. My hands sweat and my body shakes. My heart pounds and my head races. For moments I can't even comprehend whats going on and I immediately go back to the bad place and I start to panic. I try not to inconvenience anyone with my problems but sometimes it's too intense for me to handle. I project how I feel onto the people I say I care about and I just don't think that's fair.
  Jun 2018 O
Ash
If you can't see
anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
(I see my big blue eyes lol)
but just
stare a little longer
because there is something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
"they are wrong"
For only you
will ever know your worth
so stare a little longer
because
"they are wrong"
O Jun 2018
I feel it in my nerves,
A jolt that goes through me when I see them with others,
A fear that picks the strings of my heart,
Why am I not the one?
I open my heart,
Lay out all of my feelings and hurts,
Just to be swept under the rug again,
Why didn't you choose me?
I get headaches and lie down,
Somehow trying to drown,
I am not this which holds me,
Jealousy.
It's not one of my best writes, but I have to get it out somewhere, and what better place than here. I don't mean to sound like the whole world revolves around me, but it does feel that way when the negativity starts seeping through the cracks. I'm sorry.
  Mar 2018 O
z
when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?
  Feb 2018 O
Lora Lee
If I could
pinpoint the
exact moment
your breath
touched mine
washed me over
in ocean waves
sea creatures glowing
in delightful recognition
as the seedlings
of connection
shimmied into our being
and, dancing within me
in its own lifeforce
your mind a living,
breathing animal
your heart, purring
and whirring its sacred forces
into my molecular structures
your soul throbbing
in mitochondric pulsing
(oh what
a delicious vibration
of ribosomes
)
Between us, we hold
the true treasures
close, in frothy
                       tenderness
a purity of the expanse
of our universe,
swathed in prismatic color
colors that shift,
these fresh hues
for which there are no name
they are lucid and fine-woven
as silk histories
yet deep as earthcore
your eyes, voice
are forever burned
into my own
every day scriptures
that rock my shattered parts
into wholeness
and,
like ancient magic,
I conjure forth
the holy gospel
rising from our bones
every second of
every minute
as our deepest fires
our most secret filth
our murky corners
our darkest hours
we weave into light
brilliant and lustrous
multi-layered in the richest
folds of the earth
and as you place me
upon the shores
of your garland-graced
                              throne
Now I'm alive in a new
kind of light
and
all I can do
is love
        and love
and love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrOcxD3IWW0
  Jan 2018 O
bones
Am I really a poet,
If all I ever write about,
Is you?
Feeling insecure today.
O Jan 2018
I've got a dark place in my heart.
A place that likes hurt,
A place that accepts abuse,
And in this place I find solace,
I find warmth and confusing joy,
So hit me as hard as you can,
Beat me until I can cry no more,
But never say you'll leave me.
That, I could not endure.
I'm trying to find new coping mechanisms.
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