He was everything he was not,
He was strong and brave and cunning,
Every move was calculated
Ten steps ahead,  sometimes twenty
And he had her in his hands,
The heart he wanted but couldn't,
And he clenched his fist tight and squeezed
The life out of it,  then tossed it.
He found it, broken and hurting
And he wanted it just the same.
She said "You break it, you bought it",
She still would not have him with her
And he could never understand
How stupid love never worked out
And how he never wanted her,
And she never wanted him, but
It was, in theory, romantic;
The world can work in twisted ways.

The sorrow that once consumed me
Is hauntingly beautiful now
And some how, sometimes I'm entranced
To relive it, for it was raw,
The purest emotion I'd felt,  
And in this heartless world we live
It was something innocently
Tragic with some meaning to it.

Take a deep breath, close my eyes, and think.
Think of something other than those tears--
Ocean water is salty wet, too
And fear, yes, like on roller coasters;
The adrenaline pumping inside
That nothing can match; it lets me fly.
And those strange thoughts, just silly nightmares.
And as I tremble, it's a snow day
When I was six, making snow angels.
Just think, okay, think real hard about
All the places you've been happy at
And maybe then I can be happy
Again, or at least pretend I am.
Let me let myself be anywhere
Else from here and this heartbreaking scene.

My cheeks are burning hot;
My thoughts are stuck together,
Melted into one ball
Of tired, dwelling hope
As I think back to when
I was yours,  you were mine
And this liquor did not
Taste like a bitter cure.
Memories endlessly
Dance in my mind tonight
As we had, in silence
On that dock, to the beat
Of our young, stubborn hearts.
The sun set behind us
And I should have known it;
In denial, I guess
I saw the colors,  thought
'They are our sunrise";
I was wrong,  that's okay;
I'll burn it all away
With these sips of champagne.
I am getting dizzy
And the world is not clear-
But was it ever so?
Perhaps I see better
In this cloud of raw grief
Than I ever had with
You.

Four exams in five days
On top of a group meeting
And an eight hour work shift
With an hour drive one way
To school, then back
And family and homework
After a holiday weekend
And somehow I think
I'll meet the sixth day
And be all right;
This too shall pass,
Or so they say.

Your little laugh,
Your sparkling eyes,
That gleam you get
When you look me
Straight in the face;
I love how your
Eyes squint in joy
And your rambles
Of your passions;
That spike your hair
Has up top and
All your freckles;
Maturity
Mixed with a kid's
Sense of humor;
I love it all,
I always will.
That's my promise
I plan to keep.

You make me glad,
He makes me smile.
You make me laugh
And so does he.
You keep me safe,
I feel secure.
And what he says
Makes me bubble.
For I'm with you
But not with him,
I feel happy
As I do sad.
I am split in
Two even halves;
If only I
Could give you each
A piece of me
But faithfully.