I’ve filled the emptiest spaces of myself with


                          the best parts of you

not breathing, warm like an homage
but sterile
    
                                                                          remote

a gallery of looped memories
beautiful and untouchable
and convincingly bright
so that no matter where I am
my retinas are tattooed with the space you took in the world
cooking in a scratchy sweater- your electric rants about Jung  
drumming jazz on the street corner for the pay of odd conversation
planting kisses in my hands because you hoped they would grow a wife
endlessly reminding me

                                              (from wherever you are now)

that the best things in life weren’t free
and though expensive beyond measure
how graceful- I hardly noticed how much
I was willing to give
just to keep at a quiet distance

                           this neuronal gallery

I’m not good enough for you?
Was being honest a mistake?
I put myself out there again
And you cancelled our date

Who wants an addict?
I’ve been in recovery for years
The word itself scares humans
It brings me to tears

They will never get it
Nor give me a chance
You said you really liked me
But never made it to the dance

Why are you better than me?
No skeletons in your closet?
Can you throw the first stone?
Can you be that honest?

Do I give up on love?
Do I lie about my past?
I’ll just pick up a drink
That’s the part I was cast

i will siphon you desolate
and leave a desert
inside your veins

and the oasis that was
once your heart
will become a tomb
sand-flailed
eroded
buried

the same you
did to me

Looking at it from 10 inches
Look away
"No, no not again" etched in your mind
Yet the vulnerability of your heart aches for it
Stretching for it ..
Pulling back ..
Leaning forward ..
Turns away..
Grabs it..
It's in your hand..
You smile ..
Your heart pleased
Your mind unease
One,
Two,
Three..
Tears fall uncontrollably
Blood spilling easily
One,
Two,
Three..
Stop?
No..
You smile even wider..
One,
Two,
Three..
Love.
Is the blade sharp enough.. ?

-fir.m

It's warm.
What is this blissfulness?
"It's me.. You're not alone"
Embedded in the eardrum.
Tears disappeared
By just one glance at that curve on the face
That weird, yet such an euphoric curve
It's called a smile
Strange-
For it made the pain scattered
What is this comfort?  

Soon a smile was made apart of the appearance
Apart of the life
This curve was then around all the corners of the world

But where is the warmth?
The one that was felt in the beginning
It was always felt in thy heart
It was always seen when looked right..
But is no more seen or felt.
Blinked away,
It vanished
And where was thy?
Back in the cold.
The smile, euphoric?
What's that?

-fir.m

Stifling from the fallen Grace
You've loved,
You've lost.
Unbidden promises,
the ones that annihilated
What was known as love,
What was known as caring,
What was known as selflessness.
But why?
Are they the ones you keep safe
In your ******* soul
Filled with anger,
Frustration.
Those are the promises that is meant to be forgotten,
Yet you hold them captive,
Reasons?
I shall never know..
Will you ever let me know?

-F.M