I was going to write a sonnet, but I didn't have the gumption
First my pen ran out of ink, then my hand just wouldn't function
I could not start or stop to think
Things were happening in slow motion
I felt as though I'd surely sink
Into the coldest darkest deepest ocean.
I started off fine, my ambition was evident
But by the 10th line, I'm debauched and decadent.
I hate to write this, my fingers are hesitant,
Nothing else in life is, but failure is permanent.

you think she deserved to be hurt
because she was out with her friends wearing a mini skirt
i guessed when the lines are blurred
you can't really tell whose right
your mom or your dad
your mom saying "get her with respect"
your dad saying "get on top"
her saying "stop... stop... stop"

broken and bruised
her body has been used as a play thing
up on the stand he asks "what were you wearing?"
instead of crying she says
"i'm flattered but my outfit wasn't that mesmerizing
would you ask a mugging victim why he had is wallet on him that night?
so why would you ask a girl if her jeans were skin tight?
why don't you ask the parents why their sons head wasn't on right?
or why at the store the tag on my skirt didn't say
"get ready to fight for your life?"
and hey your suit looks nice attorney
maybe i should stab you for it
would i go to jail
or get away with **"he wanted it?"

Does it count when she changed her mind at the last moment
that she whimpered no over and over, but you couldn't here over the slapping of skin on skin.

He says "Don't tell anyone,
he says, people don't want to hear poems about things like **** and death and the ugly."

But why, it is the wrenching truth?

No one wants to hear about another woman's body being violated
they say, "It happens all the time, you were asking for it."

Does it count that he had a girlfriend?
When he pinned her on her stomach with arms over her head
forcing the innocent from her body, slapping used on her forehead so she felt like a piece of trash

Does it count when she took months to tell her mom why the lights had shut off in her eyes?
When she couldn't look her dad in the eye because she was so ashamed,
when she retracted from the slightest touch.

Does it still count?

I am from a mother and step dad  that loves me dearly, a "father" that rarely sees me, a beautiful sister who inspires me everyday,  and my best friend who loves me unconditionally.

From swimming late nights in my grandparents' pool
and sleepovers times a million
Labor Day barbecues,
Cross country road trips,
Telling jokes and sharing stories
I am from karaoke nights, game nights, wish I could see them more nights
I am from family adventures


I am from theatre clubs and dance teams
Perfection for performances
Repetition is key
I am from different characters and seeing the world from their eyes
Pointed toes and pretty smiles
I am from the stage


I am from a society that teaches "don't get *****" instead of "don't ****"
I am from not accepting the truth when I have battle scars as proof
I am from a world where I have to try not to attract any attention because it could be the "wrong" attention  
I am from objectification

I am from healing and self love
Strength and self confidence regained
I am a child of God and for that I will never be afraid
I am from faith

This chapter is just beginning
I'm looking forward to where life takes me


This is where I'm from.

I was only a small child. He pulled me by my hair and threw me on his bed. He climbed on top of me and whispered into my ears that I was the best gift that god had ever given to him for his own use. He looked at me with so much anger, hunger, desired intensity, I could see the fire in his eyes as they began to dilate. He slapped me on my face thrice and shouted at me to stop crying and that my tears were not gonna save me now. He could see the fear in my eyes, but his cold heart so selfish of this child in front of this monster turned its back on me, the child that used to be loved, cared, and well looked after. He began tying my arms to the bed and my legs too. His proximity was too much for me because I could smell the alcohol, the heaviness of this man against my skin. He began touching me, trying to make me believe that everything was going to be okay and soon it would all go away . What could I have said? For I was only a small child back then. All I could recall was the flash of a girls innocence stripped away by her own flesh and blood, her father the man that help his wife give birth to his only child, the man whose now become her biggest nightmare. If I had to say something to him right now, questions of why he had done what he did to me would come about. Why dad? Why did you do it? Why did you **** and abuse me? I thought fathers are suppose to love and protect their daughters? Why did you make me hate you so? You have left me scarred. All I see in the mirror is an ugly, used, girl with a lot of blood on her hands. I feel so *****, you made me *****. I cant stare at any guy without seeing your face and that evil smile, that smile my worst nightmare because I always knew what it meant. I hate you, you ruined my life and now, now I cant even begin to describe how much I wanted or have tried to **** ,myself because of you. I hope your happy, proud of yourself, do feel you have achieved what you wanted? Did you honestly love me? Why why did it have to be me? I guess only God knows, after all I was the best gift that God had given to my father.

Alone in bed she looks around
Afraid of what's to come
The shadows dance along her wall
She hears her daddy hum

Tears fill her eyes she starts to cry
Up out of bed she runs
And locks the door; the **** then turns
And Daddy whispers one

"Don't make me wake your mother up
To tell her you've been bad
Come give Daddy a kiss goodnight-
You're making me very mad"

She turns the key and steps away
And Daddy walks inside
Slowly shutting down again
She crawls inside to hide

Alone inside her little world
She cannot feel the pain
Innocence lost long ago
Left in a ****** stain

Images fly through her mind
First her then Kristy too
Baby Carrie's next in line
Before the night is through

Anger builds around her heart
"Please stop!" she tries to yell
But Daddy's hand is on her neck
He knows she'll never tell

She struggles underneath his wieght
As he removes her shoe
She tries to hit but misses
And Daddy whispers two

His grip on her is tightened
And his fist comes crashing down
She tries to fight unconsiousness
As Daddy rips her gown

He rolls her on her belly
Pulls her close so he won't miss
Then he enters hard and quickly
As he gives her "Daddy's kiss"

The minutes seem like hours
As she opens up her eyes
And she hears the desperation
In her little sister's cries

Daddy thrusts in one more time
Then rolls onto his back
And she just lies there motionless
And awaits his next attack

She looks into her sisters eyes
And reaches out a hand
And little Carrie reaches back
And slowly starts to stand

But Daddy isn't finished yet
And Carrie's pushed aside
He holds her down and spreads her legs
And takes another ride

She falls asleep all bruised and naked
****** and surrounded
By the sisters she had reached for
While her innocence was pounded

14 years of **** and lies
She fall into depression
And suicide is what's to come
Of a childs molestation

3 days later a little body
Washes up on shore
A suicide; her wrists are slit
But the sherrif sees much more

The headlines scream the story
Of a young girls devastation
And the silent screams that go unheard
All throughout the nation

But Kelly's story isn't through
Her secrets now unfold
For she tells them with the bruises
On her body now so cold

Now the lights flash through the windows
And there's people all around
Asking all these questions
But we don't make a sound

Kristy hasn't spoken since they
Told her Kelly died
And I am little Carrie
In a corner I now hide

Handcuffs bind his hands and wrists
The evidence they found
Her body told of the abuse
When Daddy was around

"How many?" Mommy askes of him
"How many and God why?"
And Daddy looks away from her
And Mamma starts to cry

"How many did you do this to?"
And then he looks at me
My green eye bruised the night before
And Daddy whispers "three"