You were drunk
I was sober
The night was nearly over
When you pulled me closer
My heart had sunk

I was tired
You were wired
With feelings you didn’t understand
You were living a dream
I was living a nightmare
I glanced at my phone
And it was nearly two-thirty

You look in my eyes
I looked at your lips
I could smell the scent of your lipstick
Bright, vivid, scarlet
In the full colouring of your lips, I could sense your glory
In the absence of my own
Upon your lips, I could almost kiss you

Your eyes were ever so blue
But ever so out of focus
You were drunk
I was sober
But you got me intoxicated just by whispering sweet nothings
Into my ears upon a head so heavy with loneliness and doubt
Your words were like the cruisers you had been drinking

I don’t understand how you can see such goodness in me
When my own faith has left me
Abandoned by a growing cynicism
Broken and torn down by myself
At the instructions of others

Your fingers brush the side of my head
A curl of my hair falls out of place so you push it back
You smile
You laugh
I smile
I swoon

SUN GIRLS: sun-kissed goddesses, some a little darker than others because the sun loves them just a little bit more, writes poetry sitting outside a local coffee shop, always happy all the time, loves the color yellow, wears mom jeans and tucked in t-shirts all the time, is soft and loves love, long hair, mostly in braids or ponytails.

MOON GIRLS: dark circles under their eyes, parties a lot, drinks to forget their heartbreak, red lipstick and black eyeshadow, sleepless nights accompanied by anxiety, owns over 20 different leather jackets, loves adrenaline, risk-taker, a smoker, strong smell of cigarettes and mint gum, smirks a lot, flirty, secretly likes sun girls

i wish i could be closer to you
i wish i could hold you
tangle my hands through your hair
its been growing quick since you cut it

it looked cute short

i imagine you here with me
more often than i'd admit
maybe i'm just too lonely
maybe you're just too nice

it hasn't even been that long
since i last saw you
a week or two
maybe three
the days start to blur
when they're all the same

i'm glad we keep in touch
i'm glad you've been friends with me this long
it's almost selfish to wish
that we could ever be more

it gets tough
when you run out of clovers
and shooting stars
and dandelion puffs
since i wish so often
to be closer to you

"the moon is beautiful tonight, isnt it?"

reflections of a city softly grazing the water
lapping at the docks
causing the ***** to hurry home

ice cream melts in its cup
nearly forgotten
as the salty breeze
threads its hands through our hair

minnows swim in a growing puddle
reeds dance as the seagulls laugh
i can never forget the smile etched on your face

the sun has gone to sleep
the stars tell their stories in the sky
the street lamps flicker
and i cant help but agree

Outside of a bar in a North Carolina strip mall, stone cold sober because I am scared to use my fake, I feel drunk as you sit next to me. Perhaps I am. I'd have to be to think maybe, maybe, maybe, when I know, I know, I know.

Your hand brushes against mine, and you're saying the most beautiful words I've ever heard, and the fire in my heart spreads up, down, left, right. But it cannot spread just four inches outside of my body. It cannot set you on fire, too.

We listen to each other and hear two very different things. You are birdsong outside of my window that I am eager to hear; I am traffic outside of your window you've learned to tune out at bedtime.  

If there are nine million bicycles in Beijing, then Beijing is my insides and bicycles are your name, because it is written on my insides nine million times. But there are no bicycles on Antarctica. There is no use for them there, just as there's no use for my name to be perched on a straight girl's ribs.

You tell me my weird hobby of listening to French rap music is awesome, that it's so cool that I'm teaching myself three languages, and that you want to be me when you grow up - I laugh, because you're several years older than me. Selfishly I catch every droplet of your praise.  I ruminate on it for hours, for days. It means more to me than it should.

My name sounds like a compliment from your mouth. I try not to say yours too often, so you don't grow tired of me being around. If I can't set your insides on fire, I want you to want to be my friend. Even that feels like I ask for too much.

In every scene, I see you in the foreground of the narrative. For me, it would be on honor to be one of your background characters. Narratives are richer with them anyway.

I look at you and you are the Harry Potter movie marathon I wait months for. For you, I am the 2 am infomercial you fell asleep to. But I don't mind half as much as I should. Even white noise has its place in someone's life.

When I met you, I was unaware of what I was getting myself into.
You had always been just a point on a map,
eyes I have seen in the past.
Now, you are so much more.

You are chain-smoking menthols at midnight.
You are gripping of fingers and name calling.
You are lists of movies to watch and songs to listen to.
You are stolen sweaters and beanies,
beach trips to see your parents,
shots of ***** and Halloween Sweetarts.

As my breath rose in my chest,
you held me close and told me you weren’t going anywhere.
I can only hope you meant it because when I look at you,
I feel a whole new panic attack rising and it is
not because I am scared but
because all I want to do is kiss you
and remember what it is like to be alive.

My shower feels empty
without you pressing me up against the tiles.
I can’t kneel with the water dripping down my face
without thinking of the chance I got to look up at you
with droplets gathering on my eyelashes.
My bed is an insincere hug from a stranger
when you aren’t holding me to your chest and
tangling your legs in the sheets.

We are sitting next to each other
in a room full of people we call our friends
and you see all of them.
and even though our bodies are pressed together
you don’t see me.
I can only think you are trying to forget my features
in  hopes that I won’t be stuck in your mind.

And now you say we need to slow down
like these past two weeks of
gasping breaths and shaking hands resting on sweaty faces
never meant a thing to you.
Like sharing cigarettes and secrets
past midnight on my balcony
was just something you did with all the others.

Slowing down feels more like an excuse
for not being able to understand
where this began and how it will end.
I don’t care to know.
I only want to do this until it kills me
because your eyes save my life
every single time
so I know I will live forever.

I keep hoping you’ll walk through those doors
and hold onto me the way you did when I mattered more
than just a time waster and one worded text messages.
Than calling off dates and pretending like there isn’t something between us.

Tell all your friends
that you don’t look at me as if I grabbed the moon
and handed her to you.
That you didn’t feel something much bigger than both of us
when I leaned against you
and smiled as if nothing could hurt me.

Maybe, I am just another Icarus,
flying too close to the sun but
I’ll let it destroy my wings
if that means I can get a chance to feel
the warmth on my skin
for just a second more.

I watch our love go up in flames
Feel my soul catch fire too
Summer reminds of happier days
The face I once knew

Distance is dangerous wind
Fanning flames, vacant of your smile each day
Your heart so numb you cannot feel the burn
Hear it beat even miles away

Patience the quality I lack
Forget to give my feelings time
So these hasty decisions catch up
When it's too late to change my mind

In forgotten days when your heart was better
Pleasant, simple, and unaware
Friendship quietly develops rust
Photographs more than eyes can bear

Broken glass, shattered hearts
It has all lead to this dead end
Perfectly synced self-destruction
Beautifully orchestrated lies descend

Peeking through darkness, cartwheeling midair
No stars left in our sky
The night alive with melancholy
Sorrowful birdsong in gusts low and high

My heart suspended in tragic beauty
Soul dies a little more every day
Waiting for eyelids to finally open to the light
Radiating from the glow of flames guiding the way