i love you
i love you with my whole heart
and with my whole body and then some
spilling out onto the concrete beneath me
congealing in the cold

a grotesque thing

my plasticine form crumpling
under the pressure of it all
cracks forming in little heart shapes
stars bleaming from my eyes
as my vision grows darker

my birdcage chest
begging to be unlocked
rattling and clanging about
claws scratching at my arteries

lesions forming on my overstuffed heart
the threads untwining
hands held carefully parting from one another

at a standstill.

its nearly been three months
i dont know where they went
each day longer than the last
and further gone all the same

one year remains until tomorrow

youve shown me videos
where you call my name
and i turn and my face brightens
shining like ive seen the heavens

i look at you like i cant stand to look anywhere else
my eyes click into place
like they were meant to do exactly that
like i couldnt have heard anything sweeter
than the birdsong of your voice

despite my best efforts
i know i still look the same
whenever you mention me
and i feel nothing but awe
how could i manage anything different?
when all you do exude is radiance
sunflowers reaching through the soil
wherever you tread

i dont think you realize
the full effect you have on me
how much space you take up
in my cozy little mind

how often i dream of you
how often i am reminded
of something you might like
of a joke you would laugh at
of a commonality or difference

even with my rose tinted lenses
popped out of the frame
i still clearly see you
and all that you are
and how wonderful it is

we live
and we ache
and we breathe
and we feel

why are we trained
from birth
to say that crying is weak
that joy and pain
have no value to the world

who is to say
that we are blank
that we are numb
that we should act
as though we are machinery
cold, perfect steel
fitting right within the grooves
that society hollows for us

i am alive!
and i love!
and i anger!
and emotion wells in my chest
a leaky pipe prone to bursting

enough time has been wasted
trying to rewire our beings
for the sole benefit of efficiency

i ache at the mere thought of you
of closeness,
of being together,
of reaching and touching you,
oh so tenderly

for you are the one
who holds space in my heart
and who i wish
i could hold in return

every day
and every night
you reside in my thoughts
your smile radiant as the sun
your eyes darker than onyx
as the sun sets,
you appear