I watched you from afar

though I couldn’t see you,

and I still wonder where you are,

a part of me sees you

gazing under the stars.



And dear,

even with all of the friction,

the manipulation and confusion,

even with all of the fear



I still hold you near.

There’s a part of me

that will not release you

or am I simply

still your captive my dear?

Center of the day begins to unfold

Already gone through the marshes and mixes

Alive & full,

Lick our lipses

Do what we can to get our fixes

Skin as oily

as Honeydew

You caught me in a full-on looptiloo

It can be casual
It can be vacant
It can be drunk
It can be meaningless
But when you find the Right One...

It can be passionate
It can be romantic
It is meaningful
It is perfect.

It is like a drug
Taking your mind and body
out of this World
And when you make that
Sensual Connection
you know
That we are meant to be
Locked and bonded together
As One
Forever

Diverted eyes
sticky skin,
she never wants to look back again.
Hushed mouth
clenched jaw,
most frightened face you ever saw.
Faded glory
in no hurry,
continues to wallow in her worry.
Lack of reason
personal treason
but what is life if you give it no meaning?

We hug ourselves
We massage ourselves
We comfort ourselves
We think of ourselves
We plan ourselves
We change ourselves
We advocate ourselves
We drive ourselves
We control ourselves
We council ourselves
Only we understand ourselves
We would die for ourselves
We love ourselves

We critique ourselves
We revise ourselves
We right ourselves
We push ourselves
We antagonize ourselves
We tear ourselves apart
We humiliate ourselves
We doubt ourselves
We hurt ourselves
We weaken ourselves
We beat ourselves up
We interfere with our own business
We resent ourselves
We don't understand ourselves
We burn ourselves
We cut ourselves
We tap ourselves
We laugh at ourselves
Our scrambled thoughts trip us up
We give ourselves up
We destroy ourselves
We **** ourselves
We hate ourselves

With grace
I see you pace
throughout the corridor,
concern lavished upon your face.
But it always comes back to me
and I get curious, what is it in you
that I see? That draws you to me?
At the end I understand it’s my
desperation
But in the beginning it feels like
magical procession.
It’s insights like these, I’d rather keep to myself,
frustrations rooted in
lack of respect for self,
kinder words for the reality-
a putrid, decaying necessity
of external validation,
your hands on me,
telling me everything’s ok.

Everything is an elaborate repetition.

Everything is an elaborate religion.

All action is an elaborate repetition.

All action is an elaborate reputation.

Purple pen
Cursive handwriting
Voices
Laughter
Sadness
Joy
Binaries
Are what life is made of. Not too much in between. Completely addicted.
Or utterly sober.
Joyously happy & content
Or gray skys sad
Too much energy to sit down
Not enough energy to think
Hot as *****
Or cold as the titanic.
When will we be able to find something in the middle?
They made me take a medication to put me in the middle. Don’t know if it works. Because sometimes I don’t have any emotions at all. I’d be content with staring at the wall.

Constrained, I feel
Insane, everything
in Vain, my mind
being Trained,
just want to
escape the Pain.
The riplets of Time,
an everflowing Game,
nothing different,
always the Same,
a constant repetition,
Sweet Nothing is her Name.

Fresh Start
New day
Blue Skys
What's the date?
So much to do
Where is the time
I'm ready now
Call the color line

The color's Peach
Which makes no sense
As it's a fruit.
Need to go
*** in a cup
In front of whatshername
Say it isn't so.

Placing words into what you feel
Cause the layers of your core to peel
Whether it's  Anger that distraughts  you
or Confusion that betrays you
It's Anxiety that simmers within
The good angel seems to never win
It's the Sadness that overwhelms for no reason
and Loneliness seems to be it's closest cousin
Sometimes all of these things that are unseen
Seep out of the pores altogether, making it Mean
A scene never meant to be seen
The only Context that gives it most Meaning
Is putting the text on paper, so Rich, so Gleaming
It does its part to soothe the Heart
and transforms it intrinsically into Art.
It takes your inner bag of ****
and becomes the Number One Smash Hit.
Or you can keep it to yourself in private
To make your journal utterly vibrant
No way is Right, no way is Wrong
As long as you make it sing like a Song.

Why can't I fall
into my slumber
Next to my lover?
The days get long
but lately now
the nights get longer
My mind,
it races
Full of thoughts
and faces

But then I open up my eyes
And see my boo as he lies
With peace written all over his face
And I think of all of the love
that we share,
And how much he cares.
My mind
slows down
And I hear sleep arise
What a beautiful sound.

If I could truly feel,
exalt,
and contain what
the word "hate" encompasses,
This is what I feel for you.

This is weird for me,
because you showed me
what the word "Love" truly meant.
Not love for a family member
But love for another human
whom you want to share
the whole world with.

You also showed me what the
word "Hurt" meant
A hurt so deep that I thought
I couldn't live anymore.
A knife cutting me in half
Splitting me in two.
Words can't begin to express
How this hurt is more than
just a boo boo

I could blame you for so much.
And I still do.
But it makes me question
If a love like this
could
ever exist again.