It’s something I fear about before, 

but what I’ve been always preparing for. 

Every morning I wake up, 

it’s my continuous decision. 

A decision where comments or suggestions
of people aren’t necessary.

It became what people like and hate about me. 

Sometimes it would be the topic of people around me, 

not everyone would be happy about it

but I am moving forward…

The people who remain are the people 

who understand and love who I’ve become. 

There’s no turning back. 

Old version has gone. 

I love the person who I am becoming.


-J.G

you call me beautiful,

as if it was my name

your eyes smile as if 

that word defines me.

as if every time your

eyes will meet mine — 

I am the epitome of beauty.

I only knew you a short time, 

but you were the first person 

who ever placated the voices

inside my head, screaming

how imperfect i am.

I never wanted to believe

but for the first time

this word has an effect

to beat them down.

Your hold onto my head,

the smile on your face,

the perfection of the way

how you look at me

and how the word ‘beautiful’

fall over your lips 
and
into my ears 
are just so perfect.

I want them.
 I want them to stay

I won’t let just anybody get in. I won’t let many people walk through my life then eventually drop me after done breaking my heart. I won’t let just anybody crash my heart and my whole being after I gave them the trust that for billions of people is a precious gift. I won’t let them know every single detail on my skin, if one day I know they're meant to leave me like there’s nothing happens. That after they get what they want for me -- treat me like I am now nothing. I won’t let anybody use me, for those temporary pleasures and leave me like a kid who left their toys after they grew up. I won't let just become their past. I don’t want to become just an old story, that I once became their girl who trusted them and loved them. That I once became a part of their story, but ended up in a heartbreaking, because of many foolish reasons. I didn't wish to be like a broken road filled with dust, stains, and prints of people’s shoes who are walking along on me and marks of car wheels as they roll over me. I won’t let that happen to me. I care for my heart and value my whole being, to let somebody steal it to just break and tear it apart. I want to prepare my heart and dedicate it to someone who really worth it. I believe that my heart is a diamond it deserves to be kept and valued, because it will break, shatter, and be demolished at the slightest of hands.

If I had to learn by letting too many people come into my life to get my lesson, it’s not my way of learning. I don’t need to break my heart and **** myself many times to learn in life. To grow up. I will grow up, if I let myself grow through the experiences I had. I don’t need to be killed and crashed by many people who once I’ve trusted. My heart doesn’t deserve to cry every single night, because someone is again made it fall in love and then again, need to drop it out. My heart doesn’t deserve to be broken after of trusting someone so much.  My heart doesn’t need to be restless. It doesn't need people who will easily give her up, when time is up. My heart doesn’t need to meet many living, who will just cut her into shreds. If someone truly wants to win her, then make them worth it. Because my heart is the most precious gift I had, to the person who God meant for me. What I need is someone who will also take my heart as a diamond that I might not be the prettiest girl in this world, but will truly do anything to win it. And when he finally won it, he will take care of it more than as an expensive gift from a very special someone, and no man wants to steal it from him. I won't let just anybody get in, except to a man who will always win my heart like a diamond with a priceless value.

how can a girl's beauty
be not visible in her own eyes

There would be those nights
when I will still think of you.
Hours where my mind occupied
by the thoughts of you,
when I took a glimpse in the past, I had with you.

There would be those times,
I’ll just smile and remember
how I’ve become silly and stupid.
How wonderful it is to take a look back
some part of myself in the past
that no longer exist anymore.

I’ll travel back in time
when the old you and I still stay,
when my mind still filled with thoughts of life
and dreams with you.
I will be looking back from the nights
I cried and see myself how happy I am today.

There would be those nights
I will still remember you
not because you still mattered to me,
but because it’s nice to look behind my back,
and see how I’ve changed
by cause of the person
who once became part of your life.