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No one else, but a poet...can bring colors
to scenes...with verses, in crass or subtle
tones......gather words together in lines,
uncertain in their ebbing and flowing...
the results create surprise in many
hues that could make one cry,
grimace......frown......or smile

readers are led to far, or near
destinations...to the cool, sweet air
and peaceful atmosphere of paradise,  
or, to unlit corners...uncharted waters,
or deep into an abyss...or, a black hole,
an unknown corner, where moribund souls
are biding their time, maybe, they could
now define by themselves, purgatory and hell,
understand those sunken souls who have lost
all...except their arms, and begging eyes...
then, through appropriate words,
a poet paints a laborious path, or
a stairway...so an enlightened reader
may climb back to safe, calm waters...

a poet makes the mind see a human heart,
beating in many rhythms...throbbing,
.......aflame with longing and desire,
bursting from ecstatic, sublime moments,
then, later on,  shift to grayish thoughts
that cut deep....tormenting...crashing,
............gnashing the heart...
a poet paints a soul walking on cloud nine,
later, to dip feet in celebrative pools.

sometimes, a poet would rather not, yet,
an inner force prevails, thereby paints a
drooping soul...dying, in total surrender,
ready to fall..............but, again, with a
barrel of lively-colored words,  a poet
takes this despondent soul to berth,
with soothing verses, bring it to a rebirth...
every human being is worth an effort
..............even those that have fallen
.........................are worth savin' .....

a poet's palette is uniquely
enriched with colorful experiences,
a poet paints life in its truest colors,
..........could be dark...or bright
.....nothing more......nothing less...





Sally

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
    January 29, 2017
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
Each other's safe place.
Chained together
One soul that dwells in two bodies.
That's what we use to say.
Destined to find each other over and over never knowing why God or whatever higher being is up there
Why they put us in each other's paths.

Lessons learned
Messing up was something I was used to
Sometimes to find yourself
You have to lose you

You would tell me to roll with the punches
You'd say we can't change fate
We accept it.
We adapt to it.
We conquer it
Cannot change what the world throws at us.

I use to believe our love had purpose,
Over coming everything.
The worst people for each other in the best possible way
Always putting the other above anything else.
Pedestal.
That's what you put me on.

The only love I new that pure.
Then maybe, maybe I just made you up
A figment of my imagination
I created in my head what I needed so badly
Because there was no way
No way someone that actually felt our love could walk away from it
But you did
You ran
You were real
And you ran

I can still feel the heat your finger tips could create against my skin
When my insides burned and threatened to explode out of me, the thin frail skin that covered my body failing to contain my agony, my self hate.

I couldn't see what you once saw in me
Not with you gone.
You weren't there, not anymore.
Not here sewing up my wounds,
lightly tracing my scars with your fingers reassuring me they would not give way again.

I was worthy of something
Love, your love.
Not anymore
You promised me.
You swore eternity to me.
Placing my mind, heart and soul into you.
Like a story I heard but didn’t actually live.

Now all I can remember is the way you left.
The exact day you left.
I remember the air leaving me.
But my lungs did not give way.

I remember the day I realized you would not be coming back.
I could feel my legs shaking and my knees splintering from the weight you left behind.
I did not break.

The day I screamed out for you to hold my stitches together, knowing for sure my pieces could not stay whole for one more second.
I did not shatter.
I held strong.

My body twisting.
Small strips of my flesh slowly drifting down.
I began to change like the chameleon you taught me to be.

Roll with the punches
That's what you said right?
Roll
Roll
Roll

The day finally came that my heart recognized sadness
more than any other emotion.
Listening to my heart.
My eyes obeyed and closed to the brightness of the colors around me.
Darkening

Realizing it could never love again.
Shutting out all the light it once held in. Finally closing the door on any hope that I scratched, fingers bleeding to hold on to. Dissipated.

The numbness of what emptiness truly is, took over.
No longer sober
Each strand of my body breaking down.
I learned the lesson you so gracefully tried to teach me all those years ago.
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
My scars tell a story
Of the person that existed before you
Before the person I am now
They explain how I become
Who I am today
Reminders of my past

I may not talk about them
That doesn’t mean
I am ashamed of them
I may not explain why
That doesn’t mean
I don’t remember each time

I use to be someone
That needed each scar
I use to be someone
That couldn’t fight back
Fragile little girls grow up
Forces to be reckoned with

Just because I carry my past
For you to see
On my arms
On my thighs
Doesn’t mean
you have a right to my story
Does not mean you know
Where I have been

You see a faded delicate red line
You can’t see it still alive within me
I use to rely on those sharp edges
Rely on the pain it brought me
I still rely on sharp edges
Now they exist within me
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
Today
Today we would have celebrated
Today marked 13 years
Somehow though
We only had the first 9.

You're still just as important to me.
You're still in my heart.
I still think about you.
Every single day.
I still think about what you’d say
Silently asking for your advise
You talked me through everything

Loving someone can change
That love it can modify,
it can alter,
it can grow
It can break
but it never stops.

If there was away
To leave that love somewhere
Abandon it
Drive it as far away as possible,
I would have.

Loving a ghost,
a memory,
It can be crippling
the what ifs
They are devastating.

Caring for you was never easy
but I chose to do it,
I chose you over and over again.
Even when you stopped choosing me

I loved you so much.

I continue loving you
That choice I made
Will be for the rest of my life.
I can’t take it back

I will miss you every single day.
A part of me
destined to be lost
for the rest of time.

Im no longer full,
a shell of a person.
I gave you such a big piece of me,
throwing caution to the wind.
I gave and I gave and then
I gave some more.

You took and you took and then
you left.
Never looking back
Not even to see if I could stand on my own.
Not even a glance to see if I’d survived.
I did.
Didn’t I?
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
Ironic
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
It's ironic in away
The way you don't care at all
The way I care so entirely much
Yeah it’s ironic you see

In the beginning
You begged me
Pleaded with me
“Give us a chance
I will love you forever”
Yeah it’s ironic

See you left those words behind you
Your days went on
you made a life
So my days went on too
I made a life
Two separate lives
Worlds without each other

It’s ironic
You said
You couldn’t breathe without me
Now my lungs burn
I gasp for air in your absence

See the difference is
every single day,
even if only for one minute,
my life stops
I think about the irony

In the midst of everything around me,
in that minute
all I see is you.
All I feel is you
And what you left behind.
The emptiness your abandonment left.

It’s ironic because
Then I have to swallow it down
Bury the ache way down
So I can keep going
Just until you creep back up again

Yeah I find it ironic
I didn’t want anything
To do with you
And now my world revolves
Around surviving without you.
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
Good Days
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
I missed you today,
I miss you most days
but today it’s different
Today it hurts more

Today wasn't a hard day.
Today I lived,
I worked
I smiled
I spent time with friends and family.

Today was a good day,
but I still missed you.
I somehow miss you more
On good days

I was always told
Sooner or later
We stopped missing someone
that ache just faded away
Over time

Once you have loved a person,
a person as I have loved you
I don’t believe, it ever leaves.
I think that type of love
Is the exception to the rule

Quite possibly
It resembles losing one to death.
You miss that person
You try to find solace in knowing
they are safe and sound somewhere.

But you see
When you lose someone
and they still exist
Your mind wonders

That ache doesn't go
You can never know how they are.
You want to to be there safe place,
the person they run to
but you aren't that anymore

You are no one,
they don't even think about you,
They don’t crave you
And still you can't seem to stop
Stop caring about them.
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
BMG
Puzzle pieces.
I found out today
My future will not consist
of the sound of little ones
running around.

I won't be awoken
to the sound
of a child in need
Due to a nightmare
or crawling into bed with me.

I won't ever get the chance
to feel something
I created
kick me from the inside.

I'll never know
what it's like
to grow a tiny person
from two people loving each other.

My partner will never
Hold my hand
while I bring our child
into the world to take their very first breaths.

I will never be pregnant.

I will never have a baby.

I'll never get to see
My eyes
Nose
Hair
on some smaller version of myself.

I won't get to laugh
at the way my child
smiles or frowns
like their father.

A failure at womanhood.
What our bodies are suppose
to be made to do,
I can not.

I can not give
my future husband
a child
to carry on his genes.

I can not conceive
if I do
I will not carry
my sweet baby to term.

"Infertile" they call it.
"Inferior" I say.

I guess this is what happens
When the puzzle pieces
Find there way
Together

This is why
I lost our child
it wasn't because of my age,
or because I didn't take care of myself.

My body simply failed me,
Failed you
failed our baby.

The reason that though
we never prevented it.
I only conceived that one time
I only got so close to happiness
Just the one time


This is why I lost you
This is why we broke

Neither of us even new it then.
I didn’t want to know
So scared of this reality
This is why I didn't get to keep you

This is why she does.

God knows all right?
He knew you were born to be a Father.
She gave you the sons
I would never of been able to give you.

She gives you miniature versions of yourself.
Little boys to run around
Little boys to look up to you
Little boys to call you daddy

The family I never could.
I am so glad you got this chance
Without question
I know you're incredible.

They are lucky
Your blood runs through their veins.
Being a parent was always in your future.
It just wasn't in mine.  

Puzzle pieces right?
What happens
When you don’t like your own?
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
Barker
I see you standing there
I can see the pain masked by a smile
I can see how broken you are

I want to help you
I want to make you feel wanted
I want to make you happy

But I don't know how
I don't know what to do
I don't know how to act

I wish I could help you
I want to help you
I can help you

I've been through this
I know how this works
I know how I got through this

Maybe I can heal those scars on your wrist
I just want you to open up
I need you to open up

I know that it is hard
I understand what this means
I might not understand completely

I can try to understand
I will understand
I just need you to trust me

Please
Let Me
Help You

Don't
Shut Me
Out
(c)ibarker

For the one who has my heart
 Jun 2018 John Stevens
Word Hobo
I would have no universe without you
drawing me tight
in centrifugal embrace

Without your vows of devoted attraction
I would be flung ~ unsung
into black groans of space

But for the quest of your pulsing heart
I would expire ~ diminished
void of light

You chose to dance with my imperfections
my frenzy ~ in submission
spiraling in delight

In passionate embryonic fusion
you held me  ~ a spec  begotten
my inner darkness ~ forever  forgotten


gv.   1.2015
(Spect.   A single photon emission)
Music:  Speck Of Dust by Fellows
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