She sat
Upon my knee

And branded me

A painful tear leaks from my eye,
It screams a terrible sound,
A sound so loud but unheard from all around,
It flows down my cheek and seeps into the ground,
“Help him”, it cries “he wants to die”

long ago
he was my happiness
nothing could do to me
what he did.
he left me
i did not leave him
i couldnt
i held on
thinking he would come back


he never did.


i realized then
that you cannot depend
on others for your happiness
you have to look inside you.

I see now

My "love" was nothing more than a pedestal
and since I seated you so high
there was no coming down enough
to hold me close

my heart nearly stopped every time i had to cross the street
so let’s thank the queen for writing it down
before she’s just another thing i have to step over
all the rest have tickled my feet so far
and everything under construction reminds me that these days
the only remedy seems to be better luck and more cloud cover

i’ve been racing to crash on the couch
just to wake up to see if i have time for it all
and i want the stereotype to be true so i have nothing to cry about  
with the way things are going
you’d tell me not to be so brutal to myself
but the thrill i used to know is now paying its dues to the concrete

i was almost convinced i wasn’t asleep
when she whispered paris
nothing, everything may have changed
so this is not like anything i’ve never meant:

my heart nearly stopped with the regret of not talking to you
it's hard killing birds when you don't have any stones and
besides this time i think i've really done it
two days and this is already my favorite story but
second chances don't have to be so mysterious
maybe i just wanted to see you smile again

i should have said it w/o one of and the s after the L
still choosing o over x
and your pull showed my hands a home in the back of your denim
two across the channel makes the significant not so, if you want it
i’ll keep looking for you so long as you
don’t stop drawing me maps

if i died in my indecision then
your mouth showed me heaven
you’re the closest thing to purpose
i’ve ever tasted

i wish you knew how much i mean that

Never thought i would cry over a girl
Never thought i should
Never thought i could
Never thought she would hurt me
Never thought she tear my heart out
Never thought i would take my blades back up to the bathroom
Never thought suicide would cross my mind again
Never thought that i was going to **** myself
Never thought i would be here again with my blades
Never thought i would cut again
Never thought i would overdose again