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Jey Blu Jan 2018
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concealer doesn't work on pain.
Jey Blu Jan 2018
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
my sister lies in a hospital bed after a suicide attempt.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
yesterday i was at the mall while my sister was rushed to the er.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she swallowed a bottle of pills yesterday to try to make the hurt go away.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
her heart rate went down too low.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she needed me when i wasn't there.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
my nightmares have become a reality.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she's not dead, but she isn't alive.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
the demons lurk in her eyes and i want them gone as much as she does.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she looked so pale with the charcoal staining her tongue black.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
i sit here with a blade and consider breaking my promise.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
i continue to repeat these lines.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
maybe it's a mantra, but it feels like my last words.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
i want her back home.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
the desperation in my soul begins to surface.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
come home soon squish.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
otherwise i might join you in that hospital bed.
She's out of danger and healthy enough for now. But the mental hospital isn't home.
Jey Blu Mar 2018
I miss you kid
Everyday
I miss your sarcastic comments
I miss the way you frustrate yourself doing your hair
I miss your obsessions
I miss our song
I miss dancing in my room to your cds
I miss fighting with you over stupid things
I miss your chipped nails
I miss your glasses too far down your nose
I miss your references
I miss knowing all your crushes
I miss teasing you
I miss you teasing me
I miss **** date or marry
I miss your goody two shoes side
I miss your rebel side
I miss how proud you were of yourself
I miss your old confidence
I miss doing your makeup
I miss laying down and looking at the clouds
I miss everything
I missed you growing up
I missed you changing
I missed you becoming who you're not
You're gonna be in seventh grade in 6 months
And I'm not sure if I'll be there to see you off
I just want to be back with you
It's so scary being alone at that house, I know
I'm so proud of you and I love you
Stay strong kiddo
I hope you see this Abby

Update: She did
Jey Blu Mar 2018
Interesting, isn't it?

When people say they care.
I know they don't give a
****, at least don't give me false
Hope you never feel like this

Mind over matter they always say
You don't see that my mind is the matter

Letting you see my demons
I give you my trust and you just
**** it up
Everyone says "I care" but

When it really comes down to it
Only very few would stay
Unless they can gain from staying
Lions on the prowl, waiting for their
Dinner, my heart and mind

Everything weighing me down and
Not a single joy in sight
Death seems better than this migraine of a life
Jey Blu Mar 2018
I dream of you each night
As you keep sleep from coming

I woke up to your loving kiss
And I opened my eyes and saw nothing

You follow me to every place
But I am still alone

A gentle heartbeat in my soul
And a budding headache in my skull

I see you in every face I see
But I've no idea what you look like

Your fingertips race across my skin
Whisps of smoke only in my mind

I'm meant to spend my life with you
I wonder when I'll find you.
Jey Blu Nov 2018
Amanda confidently made the first incision on the corpse, as she’d done many times before. Starting near the right shoulder, she pulled the scalpel through the layers of tissue down the middle of the abdomen. She bobbed her head as she worked, listening to Where Did the Party Go by Fall Out Boy. The pathologist turned away from the body and pushed her long black hair out of her hands with her wrist. Taking her gloves off, she turned the **** on her speaker. “My old aches become new again, my old friends become exes again…” She hummed the tune while securing her locks in a ponytail. Pausing, she picked up her phone and rewinded the music. She could have sworn she Patrick Stump sing the words, “Woah, where did the body go?” Listening closer this time, she started the song. “Woah, where did the party go?” played through the speaker. She shook her head and took another sip of her coffee.
She gazed at the ceiling, bright lights blinding her suddenly. “Jordan!” She waited for a reply. Nothing. She called again. Flustered, she sighed and looked over at the schedule pinned to the wall. Jordan wasn’t scheduled today, Amanda was the only one. “Then why did the lights- Never mind.” She was obviously just tired. Tugging on another pair of gloves, she picked up a pair of forceps and a scalpel and turned back towards the body. It was gone! She looked behind and underneath the table, thinking it had fallen. It wasn’t there. “****! How am I going to explain this to the family?”
“You can’t.” She jumped at the deep, gravelly voice. “Wh-who are you?” she asked with uncertainty. Amanda was too afraid to look him in the face yet. “That’s not important,” the voice replied. “We need you to come with us.”
“We?” She looked towards the direction of the voice. There were thirteen men in black suits with dark shades standing in formation at the door. “Why? Will you tell me where the body is?”
“Just follow us, ma’am. We’ll explain everything in the car.” She followed them out the door. The man who spoke led her to a black Range Rover with extremely tinted windows. Once they were in the car, the man introduced himself. “I’m Peter C. Schultz. I work with the MIB.”
“MIB? Like in that movie with Will Smith?” She sounded confused.
“Exactly. But we don’t get laser guns.” He smiled, hoping to earn her trust.
She laughed softly and looked out the window. “So was he an alien?”
“Possibly. The craft seems to have removed the body, sensing alien DNA in the area.” Peter looked over his shoulder, quickly pulled out of the parking spot and turned onto the highway. Amanda still wasn’t sure if she was awake. Aliens? MIB? A disappearing body? What if they had taken her instead? All types of thoughts swirled through her head.
They arrived at a large, nondescript building. She hopped out of the range rover and shut her door. The men lead her into the building and down the hall to an interrogation room.
“So, Ms. Browne, tell me. Did you notice any strange noises or lights at the time the body “Um. Yeah, yeah, uh, there was. I was listening to music and the lyrics sounded different. I replayed the track and it sounded normal. There was also a bright flash of light right before I noticed the body was gone. I thought it was my assistant, but they didn’t weren’t on the schedule.”
“We’ve heard of the lyrics changing before. The lights are different, they don’t usually come that close.” Peter sighed.
“Before? You mean to tell me people’s bodies have been stolen by aliens before? What the hell?!? Why doesn’t the government tell us these things?” She started to panic.
“Calm down, Ms. Browne. The MIB has it all under control. Amanda stared him in the eyes. “Really? Because there are BODIES missing! That doesn’t seem under control!” She was yelling at this point.
Peter took a step towards her. She continued to glare at him. All of a sudden, his eyes went black. Amanda was confused. This had to be a dream. A lizard like tongue flicked out of Peter’s mouth. Blood poured out of his mouth and dribbled down his chin. She screamed and tried to run. A hand with sharp long nails and slender blue fingers came up from behind her shoulder and covered her mouth. She was instantly silenced. Another hand pushed her back to her chair, the alien body pressing against her. She forcibly sat down. The hands let go of her. The terrified pathologist tried to scream but didn’t have the ability to even whisper. Peter’s form changed into a tall, blue, thin body with disproportionately long arms and neck. She shook from head to toe, when suddenly she heard a strange voice in her mind. It spoke in alien tongue but she could somehow understand it. It said, “Look into the mirror placed in front of you. Be terrified of what you see and know it is your truth.” With shaky hands, she picked up the piece of reflective glass lying in front of her. Bringing it to her face, she looked at the aliens and then herself. She stared back into cold black eyes. She opened her mouth and could see the lizard tongue curled up between her sharp, pointed teeth. She expected to be scared, but instead felt strangely content. She noticed a new hunger awakening from deep inside her. Amanda stood up and walked over to the aliens. Her own kind. She spoke in the native alien language she now had a name for, Kewalanaei. “Do you have anymore of the body left? I need flesh.” Peter grinned toothily and led her into a room where hundreds of bodies lay. They feasted.
I know this isn't a poem or perfectly edited but its just something I wrote for class and kinda liked. I might start doing more 45 minute writes. Hope you enjoy it :)
Jey Blu Dec 2017
I hear it
Faintly at first
louder
Louder
LOUDER
A sound like a whistle
At the same time like a dove
Soft and sweet
But an intense undertone
Is it sadness I sense?
Anger perhaps?
Oh
I feel it now
It's love
But I was right all along
Love can drive you to anger
And sadness
A song
Hardly ever worth singing
Yet it's everyone's favorite
The most difficult
To master
Everyone attempts
Those who succeed
It seems
Have all the happiness in the world
But do they succeed
Or only pretend to?
Mocking those that came before them
"This must be how we're supposed to love"
But they don't see
There is no right way
But there also isn't a wrong way
The song keeps ringing
The sound so loud
It's piercing through the shadows
Is this it?
Have I found love?
I reach
Through the darkness
Searching for something to hold onto
And suddenly
The sound stops
And you're in front of me
I attempted a love poem and I'm not sure if it worked or not
Jey Blu Dec 2017
every time you
break
it breaks me.

....

i hate being broken
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Depression
Feels like there’s nothing
But you’re drowning in everything

Depression
Looks like happiness and smiles
But nobody can see the pain you feel inside

Depression
Tastes like bitter tears
But nobody tastes them but you

Depression
Smells like blood
But it drips only from your wrist

Depression
Sounds like whispered secrets
But nobody can find out, nobody
Jey Blu Jan 2018
Depression is smeared makeup mixed with tears
Depression is giving up on makeup and your appearance altogether
Depression is hiding behind a painted on smile that masks how you truly feel
Depression is losing the ability to love yourself, and then losing yourself
Depression is what takes over your heart, life and mind
Depression is being alone at 4 am and the only friend you have is the sharp silver thing hidden away from prying eyes
Depression is the satisfaction as the water becomes slowly tinted with crimson
Depression is the the darkness of your heart and the ruby red life leaking out of your wrist swirling together
Depression is wondering why your life has to be covered with the cloud of blackness
Depression is trying to hold on to that last bit of hope when you know, deep down, that there is none left
Depression is hiding in the bathroom and crying for no reason
Depression is feeling helpless when they take your blades and you resort to any form of pain you can get
Depression is needing that tangible feeling, because this **** isn't gonna just stay in your mind
Depression is feeling like everything is against you
Depression is feeling like nothing
Depression is feeling nothing
Finally can write again I've had no inspiration for a while
Jey Blu Dec 2019
every time I think of you,
you take my breath away and leave butterflies in its place
your electric love shining through the dim sadness of every day
your sweet almond eyes at the back of my mind
slow is beautiful with you
my soul aches on every level, begging for your touch
and every time you do, i fall a little harder for you
the first day we met, my heart belonged to you
who would have thought your heart was mine too?
i'm so lucky to be your girl
my sweet angel, my lover, my light
your hope, your anger, your trueness to life
you are complicated
you are creativity
you are brilliance
you are perfection
you are the sun peeking out from behind the clouds on a dark winter day
you are the millions of stars and galaxies that amaze me every night
you leave me speechless
a thousand of the most poetic lines couldn't even come close to describing you
you ground me and raise me up
you're so breathtakingly beautiful i could cry
i bow to you, my love
for the sea's wrath could never be as great as your anger at the world's unkindness
my love for you is the truest i have ever known
my queen, my stars, my sunshine
i will love you even when our mortal bodies are no more
i miss you on the brightest days and deepest nights
i long to have you near me
to wake up to your angelic face is my greatest dream
i love you with my entire being, now and forever
Jey Blu Dec 2017
What is failure?
Is it when you disappoint others?
Is it when you disappoint yourself?
Isn't it all the same in the end?
Jey Blu Dec 2017
I'm only writing this
Because you asked me to
And I'd do anything for you


The perk tree
It's S.P.E.C.I.A.L
In many ways
Strength
To hold the world on your shoulders
Perception
To see things from every angle
Endurance
To get through whatever life throws at you
Charisma
To charm people to do what you want
Intelligence
To know what you need to know
Agility
To climb to the top
Luck
To fill in wherever you're lacking
I made this because my boyfriend asked me to
Jey Blu Aug 2018
What do you do when you've lost your mind?
Helping hurts
Hurting isn't helping.
Can you help me not to hurt?
I've tried my hardest to find my mind but it seems to be lost within my heart
Pulling my mind free would break my heart into a million pieces

I cry too many tears
I bleed more than I should
I break more than I make
I don't know what to do
I'm lost without purpose
I'm behind in everything
I'm lacking motivation

What do I do to help you find your purpose?
Helping seems to hurt
I wish hurting didn't help
Can I help you not to hurt?
I'm trying my hardest to free your mind from its own trap
Putting your heart back together in its place

I cry too many tears
I bleed more than I should
I break more than I make
I don't know what to do
I'm lost without purpose
I'm behind in everything
I'm lacking motivation

Please
Save me
Please
Save you
Please
Save our minds

Please
Save me
Please
Save you
Please save our lives

I cry too many tears
I bleed more than I should
I break more than I make
I don't know what to do
I'm lost without purpose
I'm behind in everything
I'm lacking motivation
My first full song I've published. The tune and style are inspired by the band that saved my life, Twenty One Pilots.
Him
Jey Blu Apr 2018
Him
He feels like home
That's the only way I can desribe it
The way he makes me laugh with every word
Smiles in math class
Innuendos
That cute laugh when he's embarassed
Long black hair
Eyes that sparkle like the ocean
I drown in them
Every side of him is amazing
I can't get enough of him
Every laugh pulls me in
Every bad thought melts away when I talk to him
His voice is perfect
It's sweet and calming and I could listen to him speak all day
We've had our issues
But that doesn't touch the fact that I do love him
And I want to apologize for everything I've said
Leave the past where it is
There's a million other perfect things about him
I don't have the words to give them justice
He doesn't seem to see his perfection
I sure as hell do
Jey Blu Dec 2017
My leg is a canvas
As I've said before
A canvas to showcase my pain
To show the scars that exist in my mind
Brought to life and close to death
By my brush that is a blade
My pulsing red life
My blood becomes my ink
I write my story in these sharp strokes
My heart is my muse
The pain my motivation
And death is my only buyer
Jey Blu Dec 2017
There is a pain
Inside my mind
Much like a migraine
Inside my mind
The pain isn't physical, it's
Inside my mind
At least it used to be solely
Inside my mind
I cut to match the pain
Inside my mind
I now have scars to match
Inside my mind
My leg is a canvas for the thoughts
Inside my mind
Writer's block finally passed thanks to Frederick <3 Thank you for helping me and I hope we can become great friends
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Life
Death
Love
Hate
Happiness
Sadness
Health
Sickness
And the biggest mystery of all
Why?
Jey Blu May 2018
I used to wonder how people fell asleep in class
Now I wonder how they stay awake

I used to wonder how people failed their classes
Now I wonder how they pass

I used to wonder how people were alone
Now I wonder how they have so many friends

I used to wonder how people were sad
Now I wonder how to be happy

I used to wonder why people cut
Now I wonder how they live without self harm

I used to wonder what it's like to stay up late
Now I wonder what'd it be like to sleep enough

I used to wonder how they thought something was wrong with school
Now I wonder how somebody sees something right

I used to wonder how people want to die
Now I wonder how they stay alive
Jey Blu Jan 2018
I'm sorry.
I wish I hadn't said what I said.
I can see that you're trying.
I know you've changed.
I want my room back.
I want my home back.
I want my family to be pieced back together.
I miss feeling useful.
I haven't felt anything but sad since I left.
I need that light back in my life.
I want to cry but
I have to stop the tears.
I hate being apart from you.
I just want to go home.
I'm really sick of this **** and I just want to go home
Jey Blu May 2018
Just so sweet
Actually sweeter than most
Could help you with anything you ever needed
Kiss me on the cheek "Have a good day sweetie"
I love you so much dear
Even though you're not near

June comes soon
And you aren't any nearer
Connected by the chakra threads we bear
Questioning how fate brought us together
Unavoidable perfection
Lies in our destiny
Interrupted by the miles between us
Never forget I care, love
Even though we're ever far apart

Memories from years past flood my mind
You put a flower behind my ear

Baby pinecone in my pocket
Even named the thing
Since we've met we've been inseperable
Truly my heart and yours intertwine

Feeling so low you make me high
Random thoughts of you make me smile
Indescribable joy when I see a text
Everlasting love resides in my heart
Never to be estinguished
Death cannot part our souls

But through every joy we have some pain
You and I have memories, not so sweet

All of my spirit loves yours
Now and forever
You are my best friend

On the day you left, I didn't say goodbye
Tenfold regret lies in that eve
Heart to heart texts aren't the same
Even you know that, I
Request to feel the caress of your hand once more before I die

Nay, I'm not dying now
Ailing I am not
Maybe you already know this
Every thought of mine is yours
I **** at acrostics but wanted to do something different I love you Jackie
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Do I let you go?
Or force you to stay
In my usual selfish way

I never know
What to say
When you're in pain

But you always have the words
To make my life whole
To make my heart feel full

You were a cheater
But I really do love you
And you're one of only few

It was with my sister
But you fill my life with sun
And I thought you were the one

You live 4,164 miles from me
"It's nothing" we both say
But we think about it everyday

Now they're telling me
Stop talking and let him go
But I'm so selfish I say no

You need to be free
You need someone there
Who can physically show you they care

So maybe its best
To let you leave the way you came
And for I to do the same
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Don't
But it helps
Not for long
But it does for now
You'll have scars
My scars tell my story
But there's so much pain involved
I'm already in pain anyways
Won't you regret it?
No, I only regret holding out this long
What will your mother say?
I don't give a ****. She had her chance.
What will the world say?
They can say what they want. I'm done
Jey Blu Apr 2018
sharp words
soft words
whats the difference
your gaze still cuts me like a dagger

im still trying to find myself after getting lost in your eyes
so long ago
for such a long time

you'll never know how many jagged edged pieces you left
when you tried to fix my broken heart

the sun still sets
and the birds still fly
but what's the point of it all when you're not here by my side

becoming yours was my favorite thing but also my worst regret
i just wanted to fix you and you just kept on breaking

what can i do
your eyes are an ocean
i should have known i would just drown

im left here sitting
on the wooden kitchen floor
fingers drumming
wish that we had meant more

the sky fades into orangey pink regret
the trees as oblivious to it as you were to me slowly dying

its too late to go outside
i miss you
its too late to fix this
its too late to save me
Jey Blu Dec 2017
I promised
But only because you did
No more cutting
But there's other ways
Scraping
Scratching
Burning
Freezing
There's so many other ways
But you don't know
You can't know
That I'm still hurting
Because then you will
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Always message me if you ever need anything, advice, a friend, someone to rant to, anything at all, please message me!!
I've been through a lot of stuff so I'll be able to help you with a lot of stuff.
I will usually answer very quickly, within a few minutes.
I love all of you, even if I've never met you or read your poems <3
Message me anytime
Jey Blu Dec 2017
He said breathe
He said it's okay
Just focus on me
Just focus on the words I say
Trying to distract me
But you're just so far away
It doesn't matter though
I'll still see you every day
I mean every word I say
I hate that you aren't here
But it's more than okay
You're mine, I'm yours
It's like that anyway
I want to be there
I want to take the pain away
You don't deserve this ****
Don't deserve to feel this way
I want you to be happy
And that feeling to stay
I wish your days were bright
Instead of this dull grey
To be full of light and joy
And make it everyday
I wish I could sit with you
Maybe have some chardonnay
Just sit there by the fire
Let all else fade away
Just me and you
Happy where we lay
for Ben
Jey Blu Dec 2017
catch my drift
catch me
as I struggle
to hold onto the edge of the cliff
Jey Blu Apr 2018
so tired
my best friend
help me
W A K E
U P
eyes closing
fingers twitch
please
W A K E
U P
cant breathe
thoughts swirling
i cant
W A K E
U P
sister
black tongue
forgetting to
W A K E
U P
tick tock
hands spin the clock
why
W A K E
U P
what was i just thinking of
memories turn to dreams
what
W A K E
U P
falling further
what to do
just
W A K E
U P
******* it
take more pills
dont
W A K E
U P
flowers wilted
joy faded
dont wanna
W A K E
U P
please
make
me
W A K E
U P
please
W A K E
U P
W A K E
U P
W A K E
U P
please
WAKE
UP
WAKE
UP
WAKE
UP
please
WAKEUP
WAKEUP
WAKEUP
remi­nd me to water the flowers and save you
im not even sure either
Jey Blu Dec 2017
I send you a message
We haven't talked in months
It's not because I haven't tried
Over
And over
And over
Never a response
I send you a message
I've told you how I feel
How I see you in my future
Forever
And ever
And ever
Still no response
I send you a message
I really miss you more everyday
You used to be my best friend
More
And more
And more
Why won't you respond?
I send you a message
I'm about to give this up
If you don't want this then why should I
Trying
And trying
And trying
There's yet to be a response
I send you a message
"This is the last text" I tell myself
No more chances
Thinking
And thinking
And thinking
My heart jumps as you start to type a response
The message you've sent reads:
"Servers are down at the moment. Come back later for better service."

...

my heart sinks.
Jey Blu Dec 2017
By "sleep"
Do you mean sleep
Or are you just looking for an excuse to go die
Jey Blu Mar 2018
She finds you a few steps from the deck
A necklace of death is bound tight round your neck

A gasp and a scream are heard aloud
Around her mind forms a dark cloud

Your eyes are open, they look so dead
There's a purplish hue to your head

The rivers of blood didn't make you feel better
And now you couldn't be any deader

It seemed you were certain of what to do
And now your sister longs for you

She guesses you had to much to feel
And she's sorry she couldn't help you heal

She thinks back on every word she said
Saying, "that might be why you're dead."

You were her light, her truest friend
But your life has come to an end

She can't live this life without you
So she decides to be dead too

She scrambles up the stairs with hope
"Maybe there's another rope."

Her hand feels the frayed string
Finally she's found the thing

Tears run quicker down her face
And her heart begins to race

She sets back up the stool you kicked
Ready to feel the rope constrict

She take a breath and steps on up
The cuts on your arm weren't cleaned up

She reaches up behind her head
And touches the blade with a sense of dread

She draws the last cut she will ever make
Deep and without caution, feeling the ache

Blood dripping, she grabs the noose
She tries to stop herself, its no use

She moves the noose around her neck
She knows her life was just a wreck

She kicks the little stool away
Wishing you had chosen to stay

She struggles to take her final breath
But finding comfort in oncoming death

Her heart rate is beginning to slow
Your dead eyes are the last thing she'll know

Her final breath is a quiet sigh
This is her last and final goodbye

Her last heart beat is an empty thump
And her shoulders lightly slump

From you she could not be apart
So now you both have a still heart
Jey Blu Mar 2018
The fire drill goes off
Students pour into the hallway
You don't see a fire
A single gunshot rings out
Another
Another
People are falling all around you
Students
Teachers
Friends
Screams echo
Tears run
Radio static
Shotgun
What kind of monster would do this?
You see your best friend crash to the floor
You run towards her but you are ushered away
GET OUT
GET AWAY
GET HELP
GET THE OFFICER
Running out the door as police file in
Watching through the window
Surrounding the shooter
Weapons drawn
Guns up
Click back
Pull trigger
Shooter falls dead to the floor
Silence
Medics rush in and run to the fallen
You can't find your brother
Please call your mother
Tears streaming down your face
Trying to go another place
Momma pulls up
She pulls you in a hug
A stretcher comes through the door where you escaped
Your brother's on the bed
There's a bullet in his head
Please please don't be dead
Sprinting over you scream
Bawling til there are no tears left
Rushing to the hospital
Following the ambulance
10 minutes later he's pronounced dead
Your stomach fills up with a sense of dread
Burying your brother isn't something you should have to do in high school
You see your best friend in the next room
Stuck in a coma and a bullet in her womb
Hours later
News on
14 injured
17 dead
All because of a kid that killed them when they were trying to save their lives.
Not great but I felt like writing something about it
Kind of based on Florida, mixed with other shootings
Jey Blu Dec 2017
This is it.
The last step.
The final action.
This is all I have to do.
Before I feel the sweet release
Of death.
Freedom.
Is that what they call it?
Release.
Maybe that's it.
Letting go.
But it's so hard.
Stepping off.
There's no turning back now.
Closing my eyes.
I've made my decision.
Taking a breath.
I feel the wind rushing past me.
Heart racing.
I plummet towards the ground.
No, wait.
I can't stop this.
It's permanent.
I wish I hadn't.
They'll miss you.
I didn't say goodbye.
It's a shock as you hit the ground.
I can't feel anything.
There's blood everywhere.
I hear screaming.
Your body shouldn't be at that angle.
I can't undo this, can I?
The sirens are getting louder.
I see my mom. She's crying.
They load you onto the stretcher.
Wait, I'm still here! Mom! Can't you hear me?
Your voice is gone, and so are you.
I see a bright darkness.
Walk towards it.
It consumes me.
Time of death: 9:34 a.m.
Jey Blu Dec 2017
The day before
You told me
You ******* promised
You would love me forever

The day I knew
I gave you my heart
I thought you gave me yours
You'd be mine forever

The day we got together
We told each other
We ******* promised
There'd never be anyone else

The day your love for me was gone
You broke my heart
I never thought there'd be someone else
I hope he makes you happy
My heart is broken and I just want to cry and drink ughhh
Jey Blu Dec 2017
The progression of depression
It really is not a blessin
It's not healthy to be supressin
All of your aggression
Everyone gets the wrong impression
They say just get a session
With a guy in the right profession
Keep right on assessin
I tried that once it kept me guessin
Bringing up all these microaggressions
Lemme backtrack now I'm digressin
I have to hide every expression
On my face keep on repressin
I can't just be professin
Every single transgression
Makes me feel like **** no more fessin
Up to anything keep it all inside harnessin
Every thought kept in check obsession
With nobody knowing it's pressin
That its a secret that can't be let out I'm stressin
I really ******* hate this depression
I tried to rhyme oops
Jey Blu Mar 2018
I need to break free from these binding thoughts holding me down and tearing me up mind and heart racing in sync wondering if I'll fly or I'll sink I'll probably fall attempting to jump this wall of insincerity living or dying its all just the same dates in some notebook no hall of fame live your life but not my way just yours I have no choice but to come when you call down at your feet is where I will fall drawing me in with false love and hope  controlling my life like I'm some sort of dope I am not finished don't interrupt me until I say what I say I'm using my voice I'm calling your name now listen to me or get out of the way
Jey Blu Dec 2017
To feel the blade
Is to feel in control
When you just want to let go

To feel the pain
Is to feel alive
When all you crave is death

To feel the tears
Is to feel the sadness
When you just want to be numb
Jey Blu Dec 2017
"I'm sorry babe I need to cut"
I get the text
Tears spring to my eyes
I understand
Needing the pain
Needing control
I need it too
It kills me though
When I know you're doing it
But I can't help
You're too far away
I need to know how far you've gone
"Show me"
I send with shaking hands
You oblige
You send me pictures
There's so much blood
So much of that warm red life
Pulsating out of you
And I can't stop it
"please stop."
My desperate plea changes nothing
You still need it
"I'm not stopping until every one of these blades is dull"
And I know you'll be true to your word
"please"
It's all I know to say
You won't listen
I wish you would
Finally
The blades won't cut you anymore
You're done
But your skin remains broken
As does my heart.
Jey Blu Mar 2018
is there a place
is there a mindset

where i can sleep for ten thousand years
where i can run from all these demons

when i can close my eyes
when i can forget how good it is to hurt

is there a place
is there a mindset

where i can smile without pain behind my eyes
where i can stop picking at my nails to keep me from screaming

when i can breathe
when i can clear my mind and the tears from my eyes

is there a place
is there a mindset

where i see the good in people
where darkness doesn't leak into every crack in the light

when i can stand up straight and proud
when i don't have to hide every flaw

is there a place
is there a mindset

where i can be free

         .  .  .  .  
        
it's called home
Jey Blu Apr 2018
For you, my heart beats
For you, my lungs breathe
My life's truly a living hell
But you came in and made it well
My mind's instinct is to go extinct
But you made me stop and rethink
I'd die for you, you know that too
But most importantly, I'd live for you
Mind body and soul, I love you dearly
It seems you love me too, I see that clearly
You're my only one, my true love, baby
Won't you be mine forever? Oh, just maybe!
Your sweet words, truly they intoxicate me
You're always on my mind, who I'm contemplating
Blue eyes sparkling right into my heart
Such a pity that we're so far apart
Oh, how I long for your hand to hold
Take you and kiss you, ever so bold
You inspire my poetic hands to write
And my mind to dream of you every night
Raven black hair that covers one eye
I really just hope we never say goodbye
From my eye falls a single tear
Wishing and hoping you could be here
So I write I love you, you crazy *******
And remember forever, it's my heart you masteres
Jey Blu Mar 2018
"You flinch a lot"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
You may be joking
But that doesn't mean everyone in my past was

"You always cry when someone yells"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
I've had threats screamed at me
And words that can never be forgotten

"You forgive people easily"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
I've given out a lot of chances
Everybody deserves a second one

"You're a cold ***** sometimes"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
Numbness used to be the thing that kept me alive
There's a reason for everything. If someone is oversensitive, or flinches or has panic attacks or bad days, there's a reason. Be nice. Sometimes you're the only one who will be. Have a heart, and it'll make the world a better place.
Jey Blu Nov 2018
dying sounds easy until you want to die.
.
.
.
it gets harder.
Jey Blu Mar 2018
Thoughts racing
Hands shaking
Fingers itching
For that next pain
That next cut
But you promised
**** promises
They don't need me
Who needs this
**** life this
****** mind this
Foster system *****
Eyes closed
Silent screaming
Drawing pretty red pictures
Where it hurts
Say it hurts you
Its meant to hurt me
So don't pry
With your judging eyes
And I'll keep the secret
Its meant to be
Attempting to start writing raps or at least poems with sort of a rap-esque quality to them
Jey Blu Mar 2018
Im just another pest
Im no different from the rest
Putting words together
So Im better
Im not convincing anybody
So maybe when they find my body
They'll see the pain etched on my skin
They'll see the pain that I've been living in
I hate this but I live for pain
Im not sure why, nothing to gain
Except more scars and more stares and more suicide scares
Test if anyone cares
Put a bullet to my head
Hold a blade up to my wrist
See if anyone moves
That would be a ******* twist
I'll drink some bleach
Set some fires
Who are the loudest criers
Not a tear shed for me
Except for one or two
Her and him and maybe you
I guess we soon will surely see
But which method shall it be?
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Why does time pass more slowly when we want it to go faster?
Dripping like molasses
Flowing like tar
Sinking
slower
s l o w e r
s   l   o   w   e   r
STOP
Time freezes
"No beat, no melody"
As they say in that famous play
Hamilton never stopped
Until that bullet made him
Sometimes I wish Aaron Burr would shoot me in the same way
Time is killing me
But not fast enough
It's the waiting that does it
But what am I waiting for?
A reason to be dead?
A reason to be alive?
A reason to have a reason?
A reason.
That's what we're waiting for.
I wonder what mine is.
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Screaming
When nobody can hear

Crying
When nobody cares

Cutting
When you need control

Starving
When you need to be perfect

Overthinking
When decisions need to be made

Suicide
When everything is too much
Jey Blu Dec 2017
It kills me when you're in pain
You said it does worse to you
It makes you feel alive
But in all the wrong ways
It makes you feel the sun of each day
But the fire, not the shine
It makes you feel the rain
But the storms, not the mist
It makes you feel the earth
But the mud, not the grass
It makes you feel the air
But the wind, not the breeze
It makes you feel the water
But you drown, not swim
It makes you feel alive
But the pain, not the love
Jey Blu Dec 2017
Writer's block *****
Having these thoughts
Having these feelings
Having this stress
And being unable to make it tangible
I wait
I think
But the words don't come

Writer's block *****
Everyone else posts
Everyone else writes
Everyone else's feelings come to words
They can make it tangible
They don't have to wait
They don't have to think
But the words flow from their mind to their pen
I haven't written anything in awhile
Jey Blu Dec 2017
You aren't enough
You can see that
Every time you look in the mirror
Your reflection stares back
Pointing out
Every
Single
Flaw
There's so many
You talk too loud
You speak too much
And you always say the wrong thing
You aren't pretty
You aren't smart
Your grades show that clearly
You're definitely not popular
The way you search for a table at lunch
And no matter what anyone says
You aren't enough
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