Where must we go now? We've tried everything
Here we are...
We used to see pass through each other and now we can't even meet eyes.
We often cross paths but we don't dare say "Hi".

We've endured this awkwardness and triumphed over this pain.
The stillness of this silence, appears deafening, once again.
The things we used to profound, we are searching within ourselves.
Waiting for a sound, waiting for something to hum - we've found none.

Amidst the pauses. and sudden twist of fate. We found danger, lurking in there.
Masked with this facade we are trying to maintain.
Carrying within us a composure we have managed very well.
Bringing forth a severe gap between what was once a beautiful tale.

When will you see the loudness of this silence eating us up?
Or the price for this ignorance we are holding towards each other, love?
How can we speak if the voices in our heads are dead overpowering?
Hoping you could hear what I needed to say without uttering a thing.


**I miss you... Instead, I said nothing.

When will you see me, dear heart?
Where should I start mending thy love?
When will we know if we have had enough?
When will you forgive me for what I did way back?

When will we be back together?
Without holding back or hesitation, tell me that this'll last forever.
Tell me while cupping my face with your tight hands and clouded face
When will you look towards me without feeling any pain?

When will I hear your innocence and all things you wish to shout?
Your youth and your struggles, will I ever witness and find out?
When will we be beside each other, leaning together as one.
Where should we search together for happiness long gone?

When is my cue if it is right to hold you?
Where should I fix my gaze as we try to start anew?
When should I see you smile without remembering my flaw?
Where and how far should we go, once we've reached the point of no return?

Find the treasure of some sort.
Behold, see it unfold.
Search for the path, follow thy soul.
Thirst and quench, till there's no more.

Follow the trail, look for the cues.
Ride the train, do not neglect to see the view.
This rocky terrain and this stagnant path we're into,
Straight, slow, steady... unsure and untrue.

Choose between two paths, and lead me across.
Let's pull over or let's walk our way back together.
To this temporary elation we've fallen into.
This surreal illusion we induced ourselves into.

There are but few walls and the rest are neat roads.
Instead of bringing it down walking around it will be just fine.
Just when I said yes and just when you thought now's the time.
If it's already given. If we have commited. If it ends today, will you still be mine?

If this question is what lies at the back of my mind.
If a few years after is all that's left for me to find.
If things should happen where and when it should...
Will you come back just in time before I let it all go, for good?

Will we come back to each other and so?
Will you be here and still be... Forever?
If dreamy is what this is called...
What sense is loving and what choice do I have but to do so?

Promise me one thing, though.
Take heart that you will listen to me all the more so...

"Remember me when I am not here anymore.
This clumsy me with messy hair, cracked lips and crooked face...
My imperfection and all that I am when I am with you.
This love that we've shared and the things that we used to do...

Don't you cover those sweet times we've shared together.
We might not have lasted long enough but take me with you forever.
That even if we can't and we'll won't...
Let me live in your memories. Let me reside in your soul."

Just as when it was all perfect... Just when we said so.
**I know our time is coming. And we'll never have another.

He said he knew who I was
He said he knew, and he's still there to watch
I ought to say and I know I must
Think of words to let him know that I'm touched

He touched my heart so gently,
Nevertheless, I felt the need to break free.
So he loosen his grip slightly,
Then, there I was falling to the pits deeply.

I should have known not to let lose of his grip
To hug him, let him pull me, and believe
Now I'm lost, fallen 200 ft. deep
I'm trapped in this whole mess i've made and I started to weep

Out of nowhere I saw him stretch his arms for me
Carefully going down just to be with me
I'm caught off guard and I couldn't say anything but sorry
Salva me Deus, please forgive me...

Well wishing. Fingers crossed.
Body holds still as soul stumbles upon.
Creeping inside a hollow
and empty feeling of the restless one.
Deep and heavy steps,
as feet leaps to the ground.

Ironically free yet visually stuck.
Glaring at gripped wings,
which cannot flap to go above.
Soaring and circling is all one could think of.
Caught between the bound
of metal chains suspended on a rock.

Lips once parted, now tightly shut.
Bleak were the eyes
once gleaming in lunar light
Struck by every stroke and blows of the trusted ork,
Gone were the hopes and dreams
of the misfortunate folk.

Here is where I found a home
A place where I belong
Where I can do all the things I want
Where I can lay all day, all night long

Hey, here it is. My beloved home!
Come and look inside,
Look straight into my eyes.
Search for the tragedy that's unfold.

Hey stranger, don't be shy.
Treat of this as your own.
Just don't break anything fragile,
Or else, it wouldn't be restored

So I watched him as he go by
Wandering around the place and all
He uttered this words
Save this, I want to buy it.  Consider this sold!

Of course, I was startled.
I found a buyer. He'll take care of my home.

And then he went to the dining room,
I let him have the best dish served.
I let him devour all kinds of food before him.
I let him have all the wines I preserved.

After eating, we went to the living room.
That's where I display all my collections.
That's where my heart is engraved
That's where my heart was mold!

He sat onto the sofa. He looked around, then at once,
He saw a glass heart shining like the moon.
A lunar light that has stun him like a fool.
I watched intently as his face turned into a gloom.

I must have it! you said.
Consider this sold!

Oh no sir,
You're mistaken. I said.
I will let you have everything.
Just not this one. This one is mine. I begged.

But you wouldn't listen! As if I didn't said,
This is mine! This is mine!
Why are you so deaf?

Here is my money.
I swear I'll take care of this one.
Just let me have it, or atleast,
Borrow it for now?

So you borrowed it.
And you always carry it with you.
I let you reside in my home.
I even considered giving it to you

Then as you walk around the neighborhood,
You saw with your own eyes.
What a sight! A palace made if ice!
Without knowing it, you dropped everything.
Including the glass heart of mine.

I was filled with rage!
You deserve to die! You filthy creature!
I plead to you to take good care of this one.
And now look at what you have done!

Get out of here now!
I don't need the like of you inside my house.
Just let me. Just go!
Don't bother to come back.

Then you responded, full of remorse as you speak,
Yes. I know I am wrong, but please understand.
I am a traveling merchant and it's in my nature to grab the things I want.
You shouldn't have trusted me that easy. I'm not the only one to blame for that.

And so he left me.
Without saying goodbye.
Without turning to cry
No one could say I didn't try, didn't I?

So here is where I found a home. Here in a place called the unknown
Here with this dying heart of mine.
Waiting for the next merchant,
Waiting to let the story take its course, this time.

Back then I was once told,
"Go out and meticulously pick the right one, darling."
Search for inner motives that lie within,
Look at every sign conveyed by an innocent grin.

Before I once knew,
Preserving and restoring is what I should do.
All my youth and all that I have left to offer.
'Till the time comes when I have chosen one among all the other.

Honey, you should know, I've followed every order.
Chased a dream after a dream and got to know every soul.
I did what I was foretold.
And still found myself wondering, "What have I done wrong?"

I've been, as you say, nice to them all. Picked the nicest one among the four.
Treasured and held it dear for long
Thinking this is it. The real deal after all.
Yet as it appears, it's just a facade. They got me fooled, once more.

So when should I know whom to pick?
Will time be enough to uncover the masked persona we keep?
Or do chances really happen and fate has its own course?
Thinking twice of when do I get here and...

"How far should I go?"

"It's hard to let go of a bittersweet love.
I wish there was a way to make it better but we just keep breaking each other...
Just when love came my way, it was nothing but misery and pain
But I know in my heart that I love you deeply that's why I chose to stay."

You can't blame me if sometimes, I wonder...
If there should be other love meant for you, by another.
If you'd prefer the touch of someone rather than mine,
If you still think of her, all this time.

As I meet your nonchalant eyes, blatantly.
As I brush my fingertips through your skin, profusely.
Combing your hair with my shaky hands and shivering arms.
Wondering if you could at least see me, for once.

Thoughts circulating about all of the things we could have been.
Burdened by the reality of what you've shared together, things we'll never be.
Struggling to compete to the ghost of your past
Just as to stop its haunting and make our love last.

Trying so hard to regain your trust, time and time again.
Pulling your arm towards me so we could be with each other again.
Making you feel all my love and all that belongs to you
Will I ever be enough, even if I am not her?

*"Answer me, will you?"

Here I sat on my bed
With a mouth full of empty words and an empty head.
I feel like I just lost a friend
I feel as if nothing matters in the end.

Here I ponder, looking for the things I long for
Unhappy as I seem to be
I don't really know what to hope for
I think Im just sitting here for nothing at all.

Tiring day, yes it is.
Nothing bad has happened yet gone was the ecstacy
I can't force myself to be happy
Or atleast, smile a bit whenever they're staring at me

Here at my blanket contemplating to sleep
Here at my bed looking like a meak
Writing a poem like a real geek
Figuring how to shove away the sadness that creeps

The body got burned out.
The mind got drained.
The soul got thirsty.

I guess I don't know where this is going
I don't have any idea of what I was doing
I'm just sitting here doing nothing
I guess I will be sitting here until morning

This is where I sat, beside you on the bedside.
Looking from here, everything seems to be right.
We laughed, danced and chatted all night.
Taking pictures together, we try to project happiness in our minds.

Bright environment and happy faces.
The weirdest gestures and silly comments.
Those memories that seems to happen just yesterday,
We were merry and all of a sudden, it all goes away.

Laughing, singing then conversing.
Just one funny argument is what's needed to ruin the the whole thing.
Just a remark that's not well thought of is what's left.
An act of unlovingness is what comes next.

We fight, scream and throw things together.
This bond we share is what we called "disgust for each other."
Compromising, forgiving and forgetting the act of another.
That's what we do whenever we fight with one another.

Give it a day, a week, a month or two.
And I'll be finding myself bonding again with you.
The process repeats itself and it's never ending.
We must have miss something from the beginning.

Try, try, try and try, we must.
We'll change, change and change, once more.
Nothing's really happening, my love.
Should we give up trying now?

The change did not made us any wiser.
And the efforts we've put to this thing is what fires up the urge to let go of each other.
Standing from my point of view, a cliff is what awaits us, two.
So we'll try and change again till we're somebody new.

This, us, is going nowhere.
We, on the other hand, should start to focus elsewhere.
We should stop trying now...
We'll just be spinning around and around, not going anywhere.

Compromising, forgiving and forgetting.

Let's just compromise and agree that we're both right.
Forgive each other and ourselves for trying and not being enough, all right?
Forget all that has happened including us and our story.
Take baby steps towards moving on and away from immaturity.

"First, we have to move away from each other, honey.
*I don't know if we could ever be...
lest be willing, again, to consider that possibility."

Taste the irony of immaturity
The bitter sweet feel of  fake chastity
The blend of lies and friends gossiping merrily
And the saracasm of jokes that make a good remedy

Feel the sour taste of their smiles
Oh, that fake nod that lures the eye
Thy sweet words they say as you go by
And that deadly embrace like a poisonous pie

Hear those aweful words they have just said
Isn't it enough to cover the bonds and happy times spent?
To wash away all memories of the good times shared?

Well, as salty as they promised, they are bitter.
As sweet as they seem to be, they are sour.
Those deceitful taste that'll make you ponder
And decide to distance yourself to them forever.

Then, out of nowhere, you begin to doubt,
Where will this go? And so you shouted,
This tastes aweful. I've had enough!

Here me as I speak, ignore me no more.
I've had enough of this, enough of you all.
Just go away and find another man with no soul
Just leave me be, leave me alone!

Then you all shouted,
We want you, we want you!
We want to see your agony,
We want to see you fall!

Aren't you contented?
Isn't this what you want?

We want more! We want more!
We'll **** the life out of you,
We want you down!

So maybe you're wondering, what does it tastes like?
Oh child, I tell you this, no words can compare to that!
Their eyes that judge as if they didn't fall short
Their lips that only knows how to say destructive words

*But as soon as it was over, they are gone for good...

Leave it be sugar.
Sweet and salt and honey.
Bittertaste on the mouth was all that you've left me...
Still, you won't hear a word from me.

Truthful has I been to you.
Up to this time I have remained true.
Though there are things unspoken I wish I could tell you...
Which deems what you know unreal, for you.

There is but one hole and that's where you've built your podium.
Claiming it is yours, that's where you've built your rules.
How sorry, apologetic I was, for what had happened...
Still I can't take back what I have said.

This bulge that I try so hard to cover. Maybe I was really meant to recover.
All this sweetness left of me, just a part of this pretentious love story.
Creating with you bittersweet memories...
Stupidity and hate for myself is what I feel. Hate for you and me.

Loathing is what I am now.
Harboring this creeptic truth and burrying it deep down.
Factor for not letting you come close any further...
Making sure I am not preoccupied by you any longer.

Future. Tomorrow. Will there be in stored for us?
Faith. Trust. Fate. Are we enough?
Patience for what we might have been or what we will become...
Guessing if we'll end up together or we we'll fall apart,

*Who am I to blame anyone?

"When it is painful both ways and you cannot move.

Bones weakened by the presence, mind caught up by the thought of you.

Lips asking what just happened and ears that got numb.

Trying to cope up with this overwhelming feeling and my throbbing heart."

_____


"Tears that never got wiped and lips that can't utter.

Body that won't caress and hands that cannot hold.

That's all that is left to give and to show.

As I stare at you and I gaze once  more.

Stepping forward or backward...

Either way it just hurts even more."

-- m e

"Should I hold on, or let you be?"