i dedicated her a song
and i saw her eyes reflect joy
she smiled

i thought to myself
she deserves the whole playlist
cause one love song
does not describe the song her lips play in me

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these three we need

i guess i do like the pain
cause i laugh after its done
how crazy it was
that my mum actually bit me
no like true story my mum bit me

you might think she is abusive
but i like her character art is impressive
she turns totally off reason
keeps her senses imprisoned

i tried to explain
but the rage rain rained upon me
all she wanted was to stroke me
i swear i lose my mum in that moment
cause i try look in her eyes and she nowhere near

she strokes me and unknowingly i hold her shambok in my hand
i stare at her to understand
but all it does it highs her temper
now she is pulling her shambok a little stronger
i try to talk but she is trying to pull
she cant listen
and she plays victim

the struggle continues
i watch her anger elevate and it fascinates me, weirdly
so i resist a little more
she starts pulling me to the kitchen
now the scene has more attention

pulling out drawers
trying to put hand on anything pain inflicting
and still i am resisting

made it to the door and out
her voice a bit loud
realising that whatever i try will not demotivate her
so i gave up and let her, as usual
let her stroke me to her satisfaction
and goes on and on
about me being stubborn because i am older
how i think i am stronger cause i am a man
man, whats wrong with mum

she strokes me with her shambok still
as i stood still
amused by her accusations
but am patient and let her

after she done she is angry still but satisfied though
now her eyes glow
she tries to conceal it by playing anger
i smile
it took me a while to understand, while
she was in her act
i had travelled mindlessly in my mind
thinking how a silly situation
of her calling me and me not responding
had become a series of chaos

little packages do become dynamites
this is what bothers me though
i do have a thrill everytime we have a misunderstanding
i dont understand this
i guess i am just my mother's child

I was supposed to write this out like a journal entry but it ended up being more like a poem

I feel stupid for loving someone who doesn’t give a **** about me
And I’ve spent four, almost five years loving him even when I couldn’t love myself
And for that, I feel dumb
I feel dumb for waiting on something that will never come
And I feel especially dumb for those times I believed all those sweet nothings you murmured in my ear
Dumb for my heart soaring at the text messages you would send m
Dumb for thinking the impossible
The inevitable
Dumb for believing you were the one
Sad because I still love you
And that will never change
But one day I will move on
And somehow I’ll forget your name
And it might hurt too much to even go back through time in my brain
And think about how close we once used to be
And all the things we said
Because those things no longer matter
When you can’t say to me anymore
It’s as if those words fade
And they no longer mean anything to you or me
But I’m stuck here loving you
Stuck here in alternating universe where you love me too