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2h · 19
imagine
eliana 2h
Imagine yourself
Alone in your head.
You're hanging, dangling
From a silver thread.

Empty, alone
With the monsters within.
Internally screaming,
You just want to give in.

Now imagine that's you
Every day, every hour.
Forever sinking
Like a wilting flower.

You try to tell your dad
And you try to tell your mom,
But they say you're being silly,
You've just got to move on.

Because teens don't know sorrow
Nor the hardships of life.
They're just kids with imaginations
Just looking for attention, right?

You think that there's none
Who knows how you feel.
You're just so alone,
But the feelings- they're real.

Useless,
Neglected,
Forgotten,
Distressed.

Alone,
Afraid,­
But mostly
Depressed.

And you're friends,
They go on
Like nothing has changed.

"They must not care,"
Your thoughts whisper,
The lies in your brain.

You can't escape it,
Trapped in your own skin.
You're ugly,
You're hated,
But you mask it with a grin.

You hate what you feel,
So instead you feel nothing.
Your insides are numb,
Your confidence crumbling.

You look to other things
To stop the pain.
Like cutting
But it gives you no gain.

And the people around you
Shout abuse your way.
"You're hurting yourself, stop it!"
That's all they ever say.

No matter how you plead
That you're broken inside,
They turn the other way,
They run, they hide.

They say you're just foolish,
It's all in your head.
What they don't know is inside
You're already dead.
another draftt
eliana 1d
The plates will still shift
and the clouds will still spew.
The sun will slowly rise
and the moon will follow too.

Life’s beauty will continue
to flourish all around,
but now you are gone,
these birds have no sound.

And my heart does not beat.
It is still inside my chest.
My tears keep on falling
and my head will not rest.

But I have no choice only
to move through this life.
Endlessly attempting
to fill this longing that is rife.
draft
eliana 1d
Despite the storms,
beauty arrives like
it was always going to.
Despite the darkness,
the light returns.
Despite your loss,
your heart will be
full again.
Despite the breaking,
your heart will feel
like it belongs in the
land of joy once more.
This is how it will
always be. Keep living.
1d · 30
loneliness
eliana 1d
Aching heart and mind
Needs touch of a caring soul
Yearning company.
this summer is not the best ive had out of all the years. just want time to go by fast.
1d · 134
One Look
eliana 1d
As I stand on that muddy grass field,
The roar of the cheering crowds
Is all I seem to hear.
No specific voices; it's all just a blur.
The only person I really notice
Is the yelling of my coach.

As I go to challenge the ball,
I think, "I want my coach to be proud of me."
The ball is at me feet, I have to be quick.
I dribble up the side of the field,
Cut in and cross, one touch,
From another player, and goal!
I know my coach is proud of me
From just one look.

Walking to the car,
Ball in hand, covered all in mud,
I receive compliments on a great game.
I say thanks, but all that matters
After the game winning goal
Is that one look from my coach.
feels like my life is over. only a a year to recover but thats a year of doing nothing. injuries ****.
eliana 1d
I could skip a heartbeat, and I would survive.
I could be in a car crash and still be alive.
The clouds could fall out of the sky.
The oceans could disappear and all turn dry.

These things in life are all bad, I know,
but there's far worse things, just thought you should know.

Life would not be the same without someone like you.
You're there when I need you to help me through.
Through the good times and through the bad,
Be them happy or be them sad.

I don't have to be with you to know you're there.
We don't have to see each other to know that we care.
We could be apart for years upon end
and still remain the best of friends.

Life goes on, and people change,
And through it all, our friendship shall remain the same.
That's such as life and how things come to be.
Just thought you should know how much you mean to me!
wish she knew she saved me from such awful things. i hope to be there for her in the way she is there for me ❤️
1d · 28
Untitled
eliana 1d
You and me alone
Madness of world locked away
Peace and quiet reigns
another haiku. i was thinking of my grandma. ❤️🕊️
1d · 16
Your Wounds
eliana 1d
Time doesn’t heal wounds
to make you forget.

It doesn’t heal wounds to
erase the memories.

Time leaves you with a scar
to remind you of how you fought through it.

Time leaves you with a scar
to remind you of how you bled

and how you survived.

You survived.
i feel im not so good at short poems as i like to express as youve seen in my past poems, in lots of words but im trying to give it a second chance and see how creative i can get.
1d · 29
I Love You
eliana 1d
I love you.
I truly do.
For all I've put you through and made you ask "Do you even love me? Do you??"
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
So much to the point where I'd rather not tell you how I feel because I know that it would break you.
I can't show you the things that I go through.
The demons I face.
The never ending race.
The situations that make my heart beat race.
Because I truly love you.
i cant let her see the real me. because there shouldnt be a reason that im feeling this way. i love you nena.
eliana 1d
To me, you're like an angel, sent by God above,
To cleanse my soul of sadness and fill it with love.
You are my inspiration, and I want to thank you,
For without you, I don't know what I would do.
You've changed my life around
And turned my frown upside down.
You have shown me the way
So that I will never stray.
For this I want to thank you again,
For staying close by and being a friend.
And to end this off, I just wanted to say
That if you need a friend,
I'll be there till the very end.
its only been a year since we became friends but i hope we are best friends forever. i hope we all stick together.
1d · 26
Untitled
eliana 1d
Sometimes I hate my body
But sometimes I feel like a hottie
It's unpredictable how I feel
The feeling of hated can easily steal
It feels like such a crime
But I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time
To relearn to love myself again
Maybe I'll feel like a ten
Having something of my own
Wishing I didn't feel so alone
To feel more confident in that bikini
Sometimes I wish I was just a little more skinny
It's hard for me to see other girls look the way I want to look
But in the end I don't want jealousy in my book
They say the prettiest thing a girl can wear is confidence
I wish I had more of that.
havent had much energy or whatever to write but i wrote this. some people struggle with how they look and how they look to others and I sometimes feel like that so I understand.
2d · 53
Last Whispers.
eliana 2d
In the quiet of my room  shadows creep  
A heavy heart  a soul that weeps.
Time ticks slowly like a fading light  
Each breath a burden  each thought a fight.
The mirror shows a face I barely know  
A reflection of pain  a heart full of woe.
Whispers of darkness fill the air  
A lonely echo  a deep despair.
The memories linger  like ghosts in my mind  
Happy moments lost  so hard to find.
Friends and laughter  now distant and pale  
In this heavy silence  I feel so frail.
I write my goodbyes on a crumpled page  
Words spill like tears  a heart in a cage.
I long for peace  for a way to escape  
But fear grips my heart  a tight  aching shape.
The stars outside seem to dim and fade  
A world without me  a choice I’ve made.
But deep down inside  a flicker remains  
A whisper of hope  amidst all the pains.
I think of the love that I might leave behind  
The faces that cared  the ties that bind.
But the darkness is loud  it drowns out the light  
And I’m lost in a tunnel  no end in sight.
I remember the laughter  the warmth of a hug  
But shadows are heavy  and the world feels so snug.
I wish I could see the beauty out there  
But my heart feels so tired  too weary to care.
In these final hours  I search for a sign  
A glimmer of hope  a reason to pine.
Yet silence surrounds me  a blanket so cold  
I long for a story that’s yet to be told.
So here I stand  at the edge of the night  
With a heart full of sorrow  and dimming light.
But if someone hears this  if someone can see  
Know that you matter  and you’re not just like me.
Though my journey is ending  yours has just begun  
Hold on to your dreams  face the rising sun.
For life can be heavy  but love can be found  
Seek it in shadows  let hope be your sound.
3d · 38
Summer!
eliana 3d
The sun is out.
The children scream and shout
All about.

There is no more school.
Everyone in the pool!
No more looking like a fool.

They run outside,
Find places to hide
And bikes to ride.

Everyone is having fun
No rush, no places to run.
Relax and play with anyone.

No one is stressed,
No more weight on their chests.
This is why summer is the best
freedom of finally being out of school and being able to do anything. Going out whenever, not having to wake up early, hanging out with friends. These are all things I think of when summer comes to mind.
eliana 3d
A silly girl
Loved a stupid boy
He was her everything
She was just his toy
He played with her emotions
Put mixed feelings in her head
For that stupid boy
A million tears that girl had shed
His friends would laugh
In his fun they would share
They knew he was a player
While she thought they were the perfect pair
Then came that horror
She was two weeks late
So she took the test
Could this possibly be fate?
She told that boy
The news she had found out
That was when she discovered
What he was all about
He showed his true colors
And crushed her pride
Left her all alone
For someone he had on the side
Born to her
Was a perfect son
This war she was fighting
The new mother had won
The prize was hers
To keep for a lifetime
A baby boy
Born to shine
I wrote this because i live with my dads mom and she takes care of me and my older brother by herself. she is like the mother i never had. i wanted to put myself in her shoes as a single mom and so this goes out to any single mothers, your doing awesome and even thought you may have times where you just break down, remember that those kids are the reason you are doing this. because you love them and what would they do without you? they may not understand that yet but soon enough they will, and the sacrifices youve had to make. be patient, as God will guide you.
3d · 28
Sunset Park
eliana 3d
The feeling was one of being forgotten.
The air stagnant, almost rotten.
The ceiling was a tonne of stone.
Beneath the foundation, I feel prone.
Sorting through the ration, and the emotion.
The pain. The rain.
A malfunctioning drain.
Overzealous. Overflowing.
The treacherous creature, furiously rowing.
Water on the stony floor,
from the Storm above the ground.
I never heard the thunder sound,
from the cell, where they dwell
in the dark.
And have never been to Sunset Park.
And never heard the rooster crowing
before its light.
Because they know it's not their fight.
In that case, it must be mine.
Is it my responsibility, for the sun to shine?
Did I paint the clouds of my own free will?
For people to sit on their window sill,
and glumly look upon the Grey.
Was it only me who had a say?
The truth is it was your day,
as much as it was mine.
And it was your crimes
that you did in your primes that shape the world today.
And then there were those who hid when they should have lived.
And thrived where I would have died.
We're threatened by light.
Found freedom in a lack of space
and victory at the end of every race.
I couldn't keep me safe, even with mace.
For I was dazed in the sun that blazed too hard in certain places.
But disappeared at random phases.
It is for them to bite the dust.
And lust for god knows what.
That will help me stem the rot
in your spine.
Even though you tell me everything is fine.
draftt .
eliana 3d
People say it is a field,
A lovely field of happiness.
With flowers spread,
Throughout this field.
Skies,
So clear and blue.
The sun,
Shining ever so brightly.
Birds chirping as if it were
The first of spring.
Rabbits hopping around
As if they could go on
For forever and eternity.
As the creatures enjoy,
Enjoy this wonderful place,
For it makes everything
Joyful, exciting, and happy.
A dark cloud has come,
Taken up the rays of sunlight.
With one cloud,
Brings many clouds.
The flowers,
Have now died,
And weeds
Have taken their place.
The skies
Are no longer clear and blue.
The sun
No longer shines with the rays,
The rays from the heavens above,
Instead it rains,
Rains as if it were meant to do so.
Birds no longer chirp as if it were
The first of spring.
Rabbits don't feel the need to hop,
For they won't go on,
For forever and eternity.
People say it's like a field,
A lovely field of happiness.
They don't understand,
For every field of flowers,
There is a single ****,
That one **** eventually spreads,
And takes over the flowers
Replacing them as if
They have never existed.
For every time,
It is sunny and blue,
There will always be
That one small, dark cloud,
Hovering right near by.
There is no such
Thing as a lovely field of happiness,
Every field has its flaw.
It is a field everyone lives in
Some point in life.
Once you are in this field,
There is no way of escaping,
There is no way in making it perfect,
For there will always be that one,
That one **** or cloud,
Standing in your way,
Of perfection and happiness
Everyone wonders what life really does have to offer and wonders what the meaning of "The Perfect Life" is. The truth is there isn't one.
eliana 4d
You came as a ray of light,
Made my life cheerful and bright,
Showering your affection over me
So that my face was full of glee.
Taking away my complete loneliness
And giving me back all the happiness
With a Midas touch of your care
To keep me away from despair.
I'll never leave you midway,
And tales of our bond people will say.
I wrote this poem to tell my best friend that her support and care during a period of loneliness and despair has helped me to regain happiness. though we are apart this summer, i look forward to seeing her soon and hanging out more.
eliana 4d
To have your last name
makes me ill.
You make me so angry
I want to ****!

I hate your voice
and the thought of you.
You were never there
when I needed you!

You're inconsiderate,
you're a lazy slob.
How could you do
what you did to mom?

It's like you don't
even accept me.
What kind of father
can you be?

You're stupid for thinking
that I'd forgive
what you did to me...to mom... to grandma.
How do you live?

Do you regret?
I hardly doubt.
I bet that I'm
the last thing you think about.

Don't lie to me.
I know I'm right.
I don't want you
in my sight!

Stay where you are;
don't bother.
You're lousy - I hate you
You're not my father!!

But that's okay,
you see,
because I don't need
your love!

You've forgotten
me before.
Go ahead...do it
some more!

LOSER! ****! - I hate you
you're not my father,
and guess what,
I'm no longer
your daughter!
while ive never thought to "****", at times when i was grieving my father being in jail, i hated him for quite some time and hated talking to him over the phone and hearing him tell me he misses me and loves me, thinking it was lies. i still have times when he calls it just disgusts me but im trying my hardest to not hold a grudge. i love him still but hes just not the same in my eyes.
4d · 31
Fork In The Road
eliana 4d
I came to a fork in the road.
I could have went left.
I could have went right.
But i just turned around.

See,
If i went left, down that path,
some might have,
Picked at my insecurities and laughed,
I may have tripped on a branch and crashed,
The grim reaper could have slashed,
My brains could have been Smashed.

If i went right, down that path,
Who knows what may lie,
Might be a hot, sweet pumpkin pie,
A warm, voluptuous woman willing to give me a try,
A shoulder on which when hurt I could cry,
Shelter from weather so I could stay dry,
Or love,
an everlasting supply.

But those paths could also be vice versa.
And I'd have no way to know.
so I realized that when I came to the fork,
I had to think consequentially.

So when I say "I just turned around",
I wasn't running due to confusion, or in need of protection,
I simply turned to ask for help,
I needed some direction
4d · 41
Dear Mom
eliana 4d
Dear Mom,
Have you forgotten?

Sitting, waiting, hoping

Where did you go, Mom?
Did I do something wrong?

Lost, lonely, sad

Are you really gone, Mom?
I waited...
I'm with my grandparents now, Mom.
I have a room now.
Are you there, Mom?
Can you hear me?

Tired, crushed, defeated

Started school again.
It's my birthday, Mom!
It's okay, I don't need a birthday card.

Broken, lacking, sorrowful

Broke an ankle, Mom.
Got a school award.
Are you happy?

Undefined, sinking, heartbroken

Went to the school dance, Mom.
Had my first relationship!
Do you miss us, Mom?

Warped, torn, tangled

You're really gone now.
Why?
I'm moving on now, Mom.
I miss you.
I love you.
Goodbye.
i lied mom. i cant move on. i will look for you again one day mom but for now, its goodbye.
eliana 4d
When resentment and offense
Invade the very crevices of your heart
It burns fierce like sulfur
As it forces love to depart.

Causing only the mention of a name
To consume you with hate
As its poison reeks havoc
on the next generation's fate

This grudge festers on
Keeping you imprisoned in pain
Causing every life force around you
To bear the effects of your strain

For hate and love
Cannot reside in one heart
Just as hate takes a family
And tears it all apart

Without forgiveness the heart dies
As it mourns the loss of love
Never understanding its very being
Is created in the heavens above

So then, how can we be reconciled
To God, who is LOVE, the creator of life
If the heart still remains
Unforgiving and full of strife?

I believe mankind's greatest lesson
What we are sent here to learn
Is how to love God and our neighbor
Before we return

So what's more valuable to you
Is it love or is it pride?
Because a heart without love
Has already died!

And understand that if pride
Is what you choose
There are many generations to follow
Who have everything to lose!

Ask love to return again
And invade every crevice of your heart
Seek the courage to make amends
Let love give you a new start!
draft after a broken family tree
eliana 4d
Ice cold
frozen home
psychotic tone
I'm in a coma with Osmosis Jones
I should have known
That if I got to blown
I'd be stuck here all alone

Lesson learned now it burns blue
Like a dry ice brain freeze mentally abused
Split paths loyalty or love so much to lose
Better choose young blood before the devil comes to you

Click clack. Click clack. Click clack.
a reminder of the past
The golden apple god forbid me to grasp
Temptation took its toll and consumed me. . .
And cast the Devil's curse ~ he had me at last
My soul changed
Hell's chorus sang
His reaper came
And unleashed his chain
I strip you of all you love
Walk the earth alone in the dirt and the mud . . .

I put the blood in the jug
Now solitude is the only friend that has my back
It creeps on me as I lay ~ a ghost in a box
Tic Toc. Tic Toc. Tic Toc.

I hear laughter as I lay purple and blue
My eyes see red
Swollen half dead
Stabbed in my bed
By the spear of destiny . . .

Two maidens rise
The sun and the moon
They see right through my disguise
The black thorns embedded in my heart by my own devices
One too many vices
Forsaken by reality
The black thorns consumed me
Set me me free
I pleaded
Put an end to this monstrosity by ending me...
I should have known they would pity me
Instead they cleansed the beast in me

The sun shined her rays and warmed my home
I cannot bring them back, but your loved ones gave me light so you'd never feel alone
The moon gave me a voice to battle my insanity
I cannot take your pain, but speak and your words will grant you serenity.
I thanked the sun
And fell in love with the moon
But she lived in the sky and left too soon

So now I speak to her with poetry
Standing here hoping she'll notice me
But till then I'll keep using this gift
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
I will turn pain into strength
5d · 174
Be The Spark
eliana 5d
Be strong and have courage
Soar among the stars
For you have a purpose
Be as bright as a wildfire

This is a message
For the damaged
For the broken
Even with your wreckage
God will help you to be outspoken

Be brave and kind
Be a light in the dark
Let your light shine
Be the spark
5d · 28
Strawberries
eliana 5d
I think Im rotting from the inside
A feeling of constant suffocation
A need to be wanted, loved
The beauty of it is on the outside
It's not a disaster
Embrace the fake smile
Force out the laughter
To scared to embrace flaws
That made you lose it all
From friends to family
I hate the late nights when I cry and ask myself what is wrong with me
After a while you learn
That picking fruit from the forbidden garden can't be the root to all your women problems
That your just an issue beyond the point solving
There is no point of solving
The sun can't hide it's tears from the sky
Eventually it'll rain
But as time passes
Strawberries grow from pain
5d · 42
Mood Swings
eliana 5d
My head is not right today.
I have no idea why it's this way.

It switches from one thought to another.
I feel like I am being smothered.

I can't finish just one thought.
In a group is where they are brought.

I'm under so much stress.
There are things I should confess.

Some people say I am so strong,
But in reality, they couldn't be more wrong.

The outer part of me puts on that smile
While the inner me has been dying for a while.

I hate this part of my disease.
It literally brings me to my knees.

From a great mood to nasty as hell.
Which it's gonna be, I can never tell.

Most of the days I can push through.
Today I don't know what to do.

It comes with no known trigger.
It's not going away; it's only getting bigger.

Bigger, louder, and extremely strong.
I wish I knew what was wrong.

I want to cry, but I don't know what for.
I hate this disease; I don't want it anymore.

I get these terrible pains in my chest.
Feels like the Lord is gonna lay me to my final rest.

Will these feelings only last for today?
'Cause it feels like they will never go away.

In reality it will not.
A life sentence is what I got.

I could be flying high in the fluffiest cloud.
Then, bam, I crash onto the ground.

I wonder if people truely understand
What really goes on in my land.

How could they when even I don't?
How could they when they simply won't?

This not only takes a toll on me,
But it affects my friends and family,

Especially those days I cannot hide
The deep dark depression I feel inside.

Some days I'm just not strong enough.
Some days are just too tough.

But most of the days I seem to manage
To get through them without serious damage.

Well at least to others
Is what I mutter

Things aren't usually this bad,
But you won't know which I have had

'Cause that is what we do.
We pretty it up for you.

I can't keep that clear thought in my head.
I'm done with this crap; I am going to bed
i inherit some traits from my mother who is bipolar and as i am a little bipolar myself, the constant stress from others is tiring. There are emotions and feelings i cannot control but some don't seem to understand that.
5d · 41
innocence lost
eliana 5d
I don't like it when people fight.
My mom and dad do every night.
I lie in bed and pretend to be asleep.
My mom looks in; I don't make a peep.

Sometimes I wish I didn't live here.
I'm a little girl who only feels fear.
When I go to school I put on a big smile.
I pretend things are fine, and it works for a while.

But there are days when I am very sad.
When I've been called names and told that I'm bad,
Then I keep to myself and hide my shame,
For I don't really know who to blame.

I'm scared to have friends come over to play.
I never dare ask if my friends can stay,
For I don't know when they will start.
I'm just a little girl trying to be smart.

The dishes breaking, the yelling, the shouting.
Their fights are ever so mounting.
I'm the innocent victim who feels rejected
Instead of feeling loved and respected.

But maybe if I wish really hard
The memories will ease and I won't be scarred.
When I awaken, maybe my wish will come true.
Out with the old and in with the new.

A new way of living for my parents and I.
There'll be no more tears for the little girl to cry,
But it's really ******* children to grow up like this.
They'll look back on a childhood they really missed.
i tried to write in the perspective of my little self and the childhood i had, and older me looking back at it.
5d · 25
Pain Told Love
eliana 5d
Pain told love I'm not here to stay.
Once I've taught all I can, I'll be on my way.
It might be tomorrow or next month or year.
Each lesson is learned with every new tear.

Pain told love she needs to grieve.
Once I've done all I can, I'll take my leave.
These tears that she sheds won't be here for long.
She'd hoped he would live, but I guess she was wrong.

Pain told love she feels empty inside.
It's not something she can easily hide.
A short time ago all she did was smile,
But now that he's gone, she won't for a while.

Pain told love she'll be okay soon.
The sadness she feels lessens with each new moon.
She looks past his death to the memories they made,
And with each new day, her despair starts to fade.

Pain told love my job here is done.
Her shadows fall behind as she faces the sun.
The girl steps forward and starts to smile.
She hasn't felt this way for a good long while.

Love told pain you're no longer needed.
I'll take over from here as your lesson was heeded.
The feelings you gave her, they tore her apart,
But it's time for me to piece back together her heart.
pain doesn't last
5d · 20
Cleansing
eliana 5d
You don't want to meet me here
Torn between my hope and fear
A fallen angel lurking near
Is looking for an honest ear
The angels in a demons cloth
Impurities into the wash
A strength of which the weak will watch
When time is at a pricely cost
But you cannot teach the blind to see
Only feel, only be,
An insight that must come from thee:
To absolve the soul; I set it free.
pt 4.
5d · 23
Aftermath
eliana 5d
He doesn’t even hear the phone.
His skin is melted to the  bone.
Flicking lighters, getting higher.
He awaits to beg the buyer
To get more, to get more,
His body aches and then it’s sore.
It’s the rush, it’s the sting
All the comfort that it brings
Til it’s gone, til it’s ceased
To his knees. Amen. Now, peace.
Carry on. This isn’t real.
Keep the secret. That’s the deal.
I’ll keep quiet. I will hide it.
I will do my best to fight it.
But the horse is at the water,
I am the lamb and this is slaughter.
pt 3.
5d · 33
Relapse
eliana 5d
​I am
Cold to the touch.

I wanted
Too much.

The world in my hand
I was hoping to clutch

I was searching for meaning
My demons convening
In need of the feeling
That kept me from healing

AND SET ME APART.

The only thing beating,
Inside of me, screaming,
From choking to breathing
My heart was left, bleeding.

Collapsed on the pavement
Cement of the basement
Writhing,
I repent.

On this linoleum floor
My angels are dying
And still,

I want more.
pt 2.
5d · 54
Contemplation
eliana 5d
Be careful with that.
Well, it's running in my vein.
The devil on my shoulder
Is nestled in my brain.
Every time i think about it,
Im boxed in underground
Eluding all the answers
As I buy another round
Walking past the mirrors
Im not looking at myself
Im staring at the noose
Thats hanging from my shelf.
There could be a comfort there.
A certain kind of peace.
While I'm stuck inside this chapter,
I am lost within the crease.
pt 1.
6d · 50
Loneliness
eliana 6d
I am lonely.
I cannot say that
I have always been alone,
although
now I know
fate meant for me to be this way.
I have nobody.
I would be wrong to say
someone would care,
if I tried again to destroy myself.
The effect would be massive
only if I was perfect.
It's untrue that I could have worth,
even if I tried.
I am less than beautiful,
nobody can convince me that
I am right where I'm meant to be.
now read from bottom to top.
i dont really do these types of poems only because im not good at them but i just wanted to give it a try again.
eliana 6d
Today is January 1st, wednesday, 3:48 pm. Hi, i just got home from grandma's/ We ate menudo and she had alot of food. Oh and happy new year. It feels the same i guess. I'm just on my bed. I'll probably just play a game. um i'll write later i guess. - 3:53 pm, E.C
    Um. I'm crying so much. I wanna cut so bad. I cant do this. Please help. I cant. I just cant. I wanna be gone. Just like bubba (my brother) said. I'm an embarassment. A disappointment. Why me Jesus. Why. WHY. I wanna cry but nenas in here. I can't take it much longer. I have to cut. I'm sorry.
   It's dark. I don't know where my knife is.
I'm going to cry myself to sleep.  I HATE MYSELF.
-8:28 pm, E.C.
i found my journal from the beginning of the year where i wrote as a diary kinda and this was what i wrote the first day of the year. i feel ive gone through a lot and grown overall but i just wanted to share this, as i was going through a rough time last year and I dont cut as much, rarely but um yeah i improved much it feels like. i have other pages if anyone wants me to post those just let me know but they are just kinda vents but yeah 👍
6d · 23
A Final Goodbye
eliana 6d
Do not weep for me, for I will soon be gone.
My body may die, but my soul will live on.
Perhaps up to heaven, maybe eternity,
or be reborn as another, when I am set free.

Do not weep for me, for I will soon be gone.
I was a survivor since my first breath was drawn.
I loved and was loved by animals and man,
siblings, friends, and strangers since my life began.

I was blessed with a father who taught me well,
to live this life on earth as a heaven, not hell.
A mother who taught me to stand on my feet,
a faith that anchored me, all strangers to greet.

If you fear dying, you'll not live a full life,
as pain and dread will cut through like a knife.
Live each day with joy while you're here on this earth;
make each day count, with compassion and mirth.

Do not weep for me, for I will soon be gone,
my body may die, but my soul will live on.
I leave all of you with my love, and I pray
that our souls will touch once again someday.
cant do this anymore im sorry.
6d · 27
The Darkness
eliana 6d
You would never know it,
The constant pain I feel,
Because in the light of day
It almost isn't real.

Sure, I'll play, I'll laugh,
I'll sing some songs,
But that pain is always lurking
Because it's been here all along.

And when the darkness comes
With its all-consuming power,
It slowly takes my soul
Hour by dreadful hour.

But they tell me that I'm strong enough.
They swear that it gets better.
They say, "If you can just hold out
and bear this stormy weather."

They tell me, "You will be happy one day.
All you need do is fight."
But what they seem to forget
Is after each day comes the night.

And so I act along.
I play my part
While this crushing darkness
Slowly breaks my heart.
soon.
6d · 29
If Only
eliana 6d
If Only...
A prayer was held in our nation,
Beauty was seen in more ways than one,
Children who are lost could find their salvation,
Death was slain and torture was done.

If Only...
Earth was awakened after years of endurance,
Forgotten feelings were rekindled anew,
God was man's only path and assurance,
Hope was the foundation of the world we knew.

If Only...
I knew more stories than those that were told,
Joy was a plague, and peace a disease,
Knowledge was worth more than silver and gold,
Love was sacred and endless as the seas.

If Only...
Miracles were seen more than daylight,
Never was replaced with forever,
Our eyes could see through the dark of the night,
Passion lived in us more than ever.

If Only...
Questions were answered, and answers were questioned,
Roses were pure and without thorns,
Sadness received only love and affection,
The empty knew why it was they were born.

If Only...
Us as a nation would join hands in song,
Victory was a gift to the humble,
When tears were shed, the earth felt strong,
Exalted men would fall and crumble.

If Only...
You and I would last forever.

If Only...
Every night I dream of how the world could be a better place. I long for the simplest of changes, simple acts of kindness, love, truth, and simple whispers of hope in the night sky.
6d · 17
Mask
eliana 6d
I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled,
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night,
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling,
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears,
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying,
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then, I'll keep on smiling,
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here...waiting.
eliana 6d
Tell me it's okay
To just want to cry.
Tell me it's okay
To never say goodbye.

Tell me it's okay
To be afraid to be strong.
Tell me it's okay
And that you're comin' along.

Tell me it's okay
And that you're staying by me.
Tell me it's okay,
And that this life is meant to be.

Tell me it's okay
To feel how I'm feeling.
Tell me it's okay -
The way that I am dealing.

Tell me it's okay -
That there is a reason for it all.
Tell me it's okay,
Even if I fall.

Tell me it's okay
To lose control today.
Tell me it's okay.
Just tell me it's okay.
eliana 6d
I am one of many
Small branches of a broken tree,
Always looking to the ones above
For guidance, strength and security.
One little branch trying
To keep the others from breaking away.
Who will fall?
And who will stay?
Now I stand alone,
Looking at the earth through the rain,
And I see the broken branches I knew
Scattered about me in pain.
There are those who have taken an ax
To the root of our very foundation
And who have passed this destruction
Down to every new generation.
If I could take that ax,
I would toss it deep into the sea,
Never to return again
To harm the generations that follow me.
I am one of many,
But alone I will go
And plant the new seeds
Where a beautiful tree will grow.
a family to a tree, each branch integral to the whole.
eliana 6d
This ink, it runs.
This paper is stained
Tears run free as
I'm stuck in a daze.
I put this pen to paper,
To write the words
This voice can't deliver.
My heart is heavy
With pain and despair.
Can't breathe.
I'm fighting for air.
My mind is spinning
At the speed of light.
This pain in my life
Has clouded my mind.
The thoughts are deafening
Of my life you took away,
But after all my
Heartache,
Someday I'll be okay!
you can lose everything in a blink of an eye, and be lost trying to find the answers to why.
6d · 51
drafts
eliana 6d
im gonna be posting all my drafts i currently have so yea poem dump i guess..
6d · 25
Inside Out
eliana 6d
Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room,
yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.

Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that bring you to ease,
yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.

Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious,
yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.

Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies,
yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.

Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough,
yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.

Outside lives a girl full of life,
yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.

Outside lives a girl with a perfect image,
yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.

Outside lives a girl of innocence,
yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.

Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations,
yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.

What you see on the outside is my personal disguise.
What hides underneath, you can't even begin to imagine.
you never know what someone is going through. people only see what you let them see.
eliana 7d
Me without you
is like a leafless fall,
a snowless winter,
and a flowerless spring.

Me without you
is like a colorless rainbow,
a sunless day,
and a starless night.

Me without you
is like the ocean without a wave,
the beach without sand,
and a flameless fire.

Me without you
is like a book without words,
a man without a face,
and a child with no name.
life without the person you love.
7d · 35
In Spite Of You
eliana 7d
Angry
Mad
Livid
Furious
******
At you

Sad
Depressed
Heartbroken
Morose
Melancholy
Because of you

Unbreakable
Strong
Resilient
Flexible
Tough
In spite of you.
i am who i am in spite of you.
7d · 12
I'm Tired
eliana 7d
I'm tired.
Tired of the constancy,
the constancy of judgment.
Tired of hiding,
hiding who I really am.
Tired of trying to stay strong.

I'm tired.
Tired of pretending,
pretending to be happy when all I want to do is cry.
Tired of not being able to let go,
let go of all the pain and emotions that consume me.
Tired of feeling worthless.

I'm tired.
Tired of being put down,
put down by the people I felt closest to.
Tired of dreaming,
dreaming of a life I will never have.
Tired of not being good enough.

I'm tired.
Tired of remembering,
remembering how I used to be so happy.
Tired of the blame,
the blame I put on myself daily.
Tired of the anger.

I'm tired.
Tired of crying,
crying in the shower so nobody can hear.
Tired of the fear,
the fear of being judged, hurt, and alone.
Tired of failing.

I'm tired.
Tired of holding on when all I want to do is give up.
Tired of being tired.
Tired of being me.
getting worse over the years.
7d · 63
Every Day
eliana 7d
We've all been through thick.
We've all been through thin.
We've all been to the light
And back to the dark again.

Every day is a struggle.
Every day may be a new fight.
Every day may be a game,
And every day may leave a new scar.

But never forget that every day is new.
Every day is an adventure waiting for you
7d · 3
Stay Or Go?
eliana 7d
The days go by, then a month, then a year,
and still through the days I see not a change.
No matter what happens, you still aren't here,
and how you just disappeared is what's strange.

No explanation, no warning, just gone.
I wish I had just some of your courage
to go leave one rainy morning at dawn,
to leave one day without any message.

How I long for somewhere to be renewed
or to just disappear, just not to be,
not to see, not to feel, not to hear you,
the ghost that you are, which I long to be.

But as many days that I want to go,
there are more that I want to stay and know.
7d · 38
Blessed
eliana 7d
I've never wished for fortunes,
I've always prayed for better things.
I'm happy and contented,
Never wanting to live like a king or queen.

I've never craved for riches.
Why should I waste my time?
Possessions are only borrowed.
All I want is peace of mind.

Money can't buy you happiness
Or make your dreams unfold.
Your loved ones are your wealth,
Not pockets filled with gold.

As long as there's food on the table,
A roof above my head,
I will say thank you, Lord,
My life has truly been blessed.
Amen!
7d · 27
Tapestry
eliana 7d
If I could take a brush and paint the mountains and the moors,
I would splash the hillsides yellow and cover them in gorse.
I'd take the finest needle and the darkest thread of green
And sew a line of bracken along the landscape. In-between

I'd lay a purple carpet of wild heather in the dells
And fringe the edge of all the woods with their pretty lilac bells.
I'd merge the bracken with the heather, mix their colours like the sea,
A green and purple ocean on my own rich tapestry.

Then I'd take a ball of soft, white wool and stitch a mass of daisy chains
Around the lush green meadows and up the sides of winding lanes.
I would stencil on the marshes, just like pure white china cups,
Some fragile water lilies and by the ponds, sweet buttercups.

I'd mix orange, reds and yellows planting poppies wild and free
Onto nature's coloured canvas, my own rich tapestry.
7d · 48
Life Of A Poet
eliana 7d
pen and "P"aper
poems and qu"O"tes
     writing's th"E" refuge
                  tha"T" gives me hope
         it release"S" the hurt

  and feelings o"F" pain.
           It clears "O"ut  the worries
               that d"R"ive us insane.

                       I'l"L" forever be grateful.
                  Noth"I"ng compares.
      For all that I "F"ace,
        poetry is th"E"re.
glad i discovered poetry.
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