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H AE MZ Sep 26
When I look at you, I see your beauty.
And when I look deeper, I feel your pain.
Will the world, for once, truly see me?
Or will they only glance at me?
Reflection, how do you perceive me?
So Wrongly.
Self, how dishonestly you portray yourself.

You see me smiling-
But do you see the weight beneath my grin?
You see me standing tall-
But can you feel the cracks I've hidden in my skin?
Reflection, you're too kind, too naive,
Believing the face I show the world.

They've taken my words, my truths,
And turned them into weapons sharp as glass.
What I gave in trust, they twisted,
Used it to cut me where I'm most fragile.

So now I hide. I build these walls so high,
Even you, my reflection, can't climb inside.
I keep my pain locked tight behind my smile,
For fear of giving them the keys to destroy me again.

I wonder, reflection-
Are you a facade too?
Do I hide from you as much as the world,
Turning away from what's true?

Can I trust you?
Can you see past the armor I've forged,
Or are you just another wall I've built,
Keeping me from myself?

I'm afraid to look too closely-
What if you're just another lie?
What if I've buried the real me so deep,
That even my own eyes can't find me?

Until next time, reflection...
If I'm ever ready to face you again.
This poem portrays the most fearful conversation I have had, with my own reflection. It explores the tension between the version of me that the world sees and the vulnerable self I keep hidden. Fear of confronting my own buried truths, shaped by betrayal and the way trust has been used against me, has forced me to build emotional armor. As I look at my reflection, I wonder if I can even trust what I see. The conversation remains unfinished, as I'm not yet ready to fully face this scariest reflection of who I really am.
H AE MZ Sep 24
I look out, to see nothing
Only shadows that refuse to speak.
I look in, to feel nothing
As if my soul forgot how to breathe.

Once, I held hope in trembling hands,
A flame that flickered in the storm.
But winds of sorrow snuffed it out,
And left me cold, without a form.

Now i drift, untethered, unsure,
As a stranger to life I knew.
Is there a path beyond this dark?
Or is my fate to just pass through?

I've made the changes, stitched the seams,
A patched up heart, but no relief.
For what is better if hope is gone?
An empty vessel that holds my grief.

The days move on, yet I remain,
A drifting form, caught in between.
I reach for light beyond the dark,
But linger where no hope is seen.

So I exist, without a dream,
No spark to guide me through the night.
I wander through the haze of time,
A fading star, devoid of light.

Will hope return, or is it lost?
A question I may never know.
But even in this endless night,
I'll keep moving, slow and low.
"Where Am I Going" is a deeply personal poem that captures my own  sense of being lost, both internally and externally. Using imagery of shadows, storms, and fading light, I express feelings of numbness, grief, and the absence of hope. Even though I've made changes in my life, I recognize that without hope, those changes feel futile. I'm still searching for meaning, drifting in uncertainty, unsure if I'll ever find the answers I am looking for. Despite the darkness, there's a quiet resilience in me, as I keep moving forward—slowly and without clear direction. The final stanza leaves the question of hope open, reflecting my ongoing journey.
H AE MZ Sep 14
One inhale, you take me.
Take me away from —
Life, to live as death.

One inhale, you make me.
Make me forget to —
Live, and numb my mind.

One inhale, you push me.
Push me away from —
Love, to feel only hate.

One inhale, you change me.
Change all of me, into—
Self-hate, into isolation.

One inhale, you suffocate me.
Suffocate my thoughts, until—
Silence is all I know, a hollow echo.

One inhale, you leave me.
Leave me trapped, in—
Clouds of ash, broken lungs screaming.

One inhale, you break me.
Break my will, to—
Hope for breath beyond you.

One exhale, I see you.
See you for what you are—
A thief, robbing me of time, of peace.

One inhale, you poison me.
Poison my thoughts, until—
I lose sight of myself in your smoke.

One exhale, I reclaim me.
Reclaim my life, my time—
Breathing out your lies, breathing in truth.

No more inhales, no more lies.
I reclaim the air—
And breathe without your weight.
This poem is my personal reflection on the damage smoking has caused in my life. For years, I let it control me, numb me, and take me away from the things that truly mattered. Through each inhale, I lost a part of myself—time, love, and peace—until I was left suffocated and isolated. The poem's shift to "exhale" marks the moment I started seeing the truth: smoking was a thief, stealing my life. Now, as I reclaim my breath and my freedom, I am choosing to move forward without the weight of addiction. This is my journey of regret, anger at the time I've lost, and the hope I now feel as I take back control.
H AE MZ Sep 3
I drive myself insane, a spiral of doubt and fear,
Second-guessing every move, every word I hear.
Self-sabotage, my constant companion by my side,
Holding me back, shrinking my spirit, an unending ride.

Weary of voices whispering I'm not enough,
Relentless comparisons that leave me feeling rough.
Yearning to be someone else, escape this hollow shell,
Ensnared in a cycle, a never-ending spell.

I long to break free, to matter, to be seen,
Not an afterthought, nor a choice between.
A priority, the first pick, a sure bet,
Cherished and wanted, not left to forget.

From mad, I crave to matter, stand tall and proud,
Silencing critics, shouting my worth out loud.
I have worth, I have value, I am unique,
Deserving of love, to be someone's peak.

No longer will I settle, a mere backup plan,
Refusing to be an option, a grain of sand.
Rising above self-doubt, shattering chains in my mind,
Mattering to myself, my true worth I'll find.

So here's to moving forward, a fresh beginning,
Where I matter to me, my light brightly shining.
No more self-sabotage, no depths of self-esteem lows,
Embracing myself fully, watching my confidence grow.
Capturing the frustration of battling inner demons and the overwhelming weight of comparison and self-sabotage. This poem is about the search for validation, both from within and from others, and the desire to break free from the cycle that feels impossible to escape.

— The End —