lack of motivation
life gets overwhelming
where am i consciously
thoughts are unpleasing
they tell me "chin up" but it's not that easy
swear it's like a disease
only can rely on me

tell me , am i setting myself up to fail?
just wanna make it , don't tell me the ship has sailed
spinning in circles , ******* life derailed
just take my *** to jail
problems too big it broke the scale

i'm losing myself ; can no longer feel
is anything left even real?
lost control soon as i took my hands off the wheel
swear i'm so low , how is this ideal?

gasping for air
if i took my last breath
who would care?
death and despair
why can't i just disappear

ripped apart from reality
the page tears
fell to my knees
so i say a prayer
why is happiness having an affair

how can i find myself
try to rewire my brain
force feed me pills to get rid of the pain
think i'm going insane
i'm not that picture perfect
don't pick me up and put me in a frame
compared to you , we are not the same

stuck in a slump
this is a speed bump
fall back down just to get up
than i shrug
life's got me ****** up
but negativity i will unplug

sweep these feelings under a rug
squash depression like a bug
don't come around if you ain't got no love

least i know my way back home
where the flowers bloom
the fireflies glow
when i take a midnight stroll
if i get lost along the way
i'll search for the words i wrote
and sing along to the tune that goes

"you might hit me with throws
and the low blows
put me on a ledge
keep me on my toes
but this is not the life i chose
if i'm down only god knows
i'll find the glasses colored with rose"

hmm..
me vs. me
battle or war?
on the other hand
what you see against what you don't
interesting theory.

you see what I want you to see
you see what you perceive of me
what your mind believes
but is that truly me?

perhaps not.
so perhaps call me two faced
i admit i have two sides
one for the show
and one behind the curtains.

oh, close minded individual
open you eyes
what do you see
surely, it's not me.

what is going on?
really, please tell me.
inquiring minds need to know
as in me, im the inquiring mind.
im struggling to find my own self
you see,
I've built this persona , right?
so you may meet me and perceive me some way that fits into your mind
or the other hand
you can know me for awhile
and
built this persona of me, slowly yet surely
so you understand
except I seem to surprise you
I take you by whim
catch your breath kinda thing.

ah, so you don't know me?
or you thought you did.

question..

here is your info..

two sided individual
anti social introvert
unknowingly kind
yet blunt

so which am I?
today?
tomorrow?
the next 5 mins.?

tell me,
what do you think of me?
do you have me figured out?
what is my persona?

idk why i feel like this
every day , it's the same ****
i have no motivation
i guess it's called depression
sleeping
while my feeling  stay creeping
but it almost feels like i'm falling
stuck in a hole
i just can't dig myself out
especially with all of this self doubt
the room so dark
the walls so far
help me please , i'm screaming
but nobody hears me
as i'm leaping
but there is no escaping
funny about this it comes and goes
it overtakes my body from my head to my toes..

scenery so beautiful it draws attention to your mind
rose petals are soothing to the skin
the touch, the feel.
thorns down at the end
guarding itself
along the stem
down to the roots
where the seeds were planted deep into the soil
that's the real beauty

                                           -don't chase after those who touch the flower without knowing the soil.

the rain hits the side of my window pane
the beats of my heart begin to change
so in darkness comes to light
of what i might face
perhaps some might call it a hurricane
mixed emotions
of thoughts
gentle water turns quickly into oceans
never knowing what may be brought
the wind briefly alters
& than comes to a halt
when will it stop
so i glance out my window
looking over to the dark clouds
how much power they have
& i make a wish that my problems will drown
down to the drain
along with the pain
for i will no longer fear
the deep dark hurricane