And I left you even though my bones, heart and soul didn't quit agree with my actions and I stay up every single night with a bottle of something alcoholic by my bed and a full pack of cigarettes under my pillow just in case I do fall asleep by an accident and dream of you, then I can jolt awake with the realization that I left you and I can drown my stomach with so much alcohol that I drink myself into a drunken paralyzation so I can't run to you in the middle of the night so you can make it all better

I'm so tired of thinking of the reasons why you did it
I'm done with blaming myself for what you did and putting myself down and shaming myself thinking that I wasn't good enough for you
I want my heart to know that I was to good for you and you knew that so you cheated to make yourself feel better.

Through all the madness around me
You've been my constant, my happiness

I need you |

No matter if it's
guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal.
Change is never easy
We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.

i prayed to have someone like you
And then suddenly the Angels sent you to me
I didn't know how handle any of it
I ******* it up I pushed you away
And I got no second chance.

I loved him because he was the only boy that was actually afraid of loosing me.

I want friends that'll love me unconditionally
Friends that i can sneak out with at 3am to run to wawa and get smoothies
Friends that'll cry with me then we get revenge on that ******* together (:
I need people who are fun and not afraid of the world and would give the ******* to anyone who spoke bad about us
I need friends who I can run to and trust with my entire life, ones that will help me smile when the rain is pouring in my brain and won't leave when things look like they won't get any better.

There's this ache I get in my chest
Mixed with pain sadness and anger
It's an un welcome visitor

Every so often it comes
And it wont permanently go away


It comes when you ignore me
Or when I receive very bad news
It loves to hurt me
It's the secret agenda  


It feeds off my tears and heart ache
It possesses my insides
And tries to take away my faith

The un welcome visitor is my downfall
But I won't let it win...

Let me kiss you
I know your heart hurts ~

The forest was dark and shallow
As I strolled through it
Nature pulling me deep in

There was not one
Injured bone in my body
but I still felt broken

I heard a loud cracking noise
To the left of my direction
A stick broken in half of some sort

I stopped walking to listen because I heard it again
And darkness was no longer in my vision anymore
But there standing in front of me
Was a 9 foot tall white wolf
With piercing green eyes...

(TBC)

I tap my fingers in an unorganized rhythm on my computer desk
Listening to amazing melodies of music
Concentrating on the lyrics of the Music trying to 'feel' something
Trying to find that same feeling in music that I felt when I first met you
That warm vibration of a rush, that feeling of remembrance, the feeling of life

All my problems are hitting me
All at once and I can feel the depression seeping in
Taking it's rightful position in my insides
My hope for great things are twirling not in my mind but in the universe contemplating if they will be great
And I'm still laying here
In this dark abyss
Wishing things were better
That I had no tears to waste
That my heart wouldn't hurt so much

Slowly sensing an altered reality
Or maybe its a parallel universe
Scrathing our earth
Hypnotizing and brainwashing our youth
Its working
Where falling under the invisible trap
Forced to think that we are suppose to live this way
Forced to think that depression and suicide is the way to go
Forced to think that there is no way out
They are WRONG

You should be afraid to loose me
Because I know the real you
The one who kept me awake till 4am crying your eyes out
Then you told me you were embarrassed
You said:  guys don't do that

I wish this bed with white sheets
Was our home
And you'd be my protector.

The oceans waves reminded me of how violent love can be

When I first saw you
Everything around me slowed down
I couldn't help but notice that
Your eyes glowed brighter than any star I've ever laid eyes on
You smiled like the world around you didn't exist
You gave me some kind of unexplainable hope that maybe life is not as bad it's been for me
And this one feeling alone in my stomach terrified my every being
To think that this could be love at first sight.

I couldnt sleep last night because i was in your dream with you
Satisfying our lusts of adventures

Stop blaming yourself
When life did you wrong.

When your crying on his doorstep
Begging him to let you in because he changed the locks on you, and it didnt make sense to you because he's the one who cheated on you, but you didn't leave him because no one has ever loved you like he did, around this time last year is when you fell in love with him, but this year he ends up leaving you. It's gonna make sense now because I was in your position, I went back to him over and over until i was empty. Until I had nothing left to give and I thought I'd stay with Him I'd get my heart back at least.  It's gonna makes sense now but please don't go back to him, let him be. Because ******* like that never change.

It was the way you talked to me
The way your eyes sparkled every time you expressed your infatuation with me
Or was that me talking through you?
You are the highest degree of perfection in my mind your are mine.
Mine. Mine. Mine.

How could you tell me we'd be together forever

But one argument could change us from lovers to strangers.

The knowing of ever lasting loneliness
Is disturbingly suffocating to deal with

Eyes Wide Open and you still dont see me.

To me it's seems that it takes months for a guy to admit he's in love

While girls, it'll only take one look

And she knows

It only bothers me when I'm alone
And I think about it

I still hate life
And I still want to die.


How about you?

I see the world so beautifully
From the cotton candy sunsets
And the dancing trees
The Oceans waves
The peach sun rises

I've never seen a soul in this universe
Appreciate the world for what it is

And I've come to the conclusion that its the people....

Who make this world so evil.

I wanna be the song that lifts your spirit
I wanna be the warm water that calms your bones

I wanna be that soft pillow that comforts your head
I wanna be the hot tea that keeps you sane

Do you understand anything im saying?

~

I wanna be the reason for the butterflies in your stomach

I wanna be your first thought when it rains

I wanna be the diary to your thoughts

I wanna be the light you'll be looking for in dark

Do you understand what im saying?
~



I Wanna Be Yours.

Laughter fills my ears and I feel the burst of energy from the crowd of friends walking past me

They horse play and joke around without a care in the world
They bring me back to my old high school memories
Girls and boys together
Best friends having the times of there lives
Of course I've had my friends too but I always felt like I've been with the wrong people

So they live carelessly not even knowing that they place me in a dark place wondering why I've tried and tried but always terribly failed to fit in.

Oh what a beautiful sight death has become .

Images flash through my mind
Of my coming of a future
Pictures, videos, events that did not take place in my reality just yet
I was beginning to think I was physic
And then my grandmother easily told me that I have a gift
My fragile mind, oh my

knowing that the beautiful
Romantic guys in the movies
don't Exist in the real world
But at least my imagination
Lets me think "he" exists

Im takin longer puffs
Im drinking eight more beers
Cause theres no tellin what happens when night comes near
The clock hits midnight our hearts are racing
And baby Im lovin the way your lips are tasting
The musics roaring
The bass Is shaking
And I have no idea how im getting home tonight
But I wont fight
The temptation To hold back my tears
Im way too depressed and wisers than my years
So im using this night as an excuse to drown my sorrows In these drugs
And hopefully the next day i'll remember what I did and who I was

And I'm still hurting.

I'm sorry that I may not be the hottest of the bunch,
Or maybe not have the highest confidence ,
I might be shy at times,
Im clumsy
I'm quiet when I'm nervous

But I'm an adventure
A mystery with a catch,
I will kiss you until your lips go numb
And God ****** I will make you feel something

It was last night that I've wished for only the simple things with you
Like long kisses and to stay in your arms forever

Or for at least the rest of the night

But tonight I wonder if I'll ever get you
And why can't I permenatly alter my appearance so that I can be a true beauty in your eyes?

Tomorrow night it'll probably be a long prayer
Asking God to bless me with me you

For the millionth time.

My heart still beats rapidly in my chest when I see your name flash across my screen

Remember that your life is not a Waste

Where all individually here for a purpose

Don't give up
Find hope in something

And stay strong for someone and if not them then for yourself.

The saddest part is when the one you want
Wants someone else.

I was fine before I met you

       &


I'll be just fine when you leave.

Someone tell me why I have the overwhelming feeling
To lay down and Die
But I will never take my life
But what if Im never satisfied
I'd let someone else hold the gun
While the bullet sounds the sky
And the birds fly out and cry
I'll be Floatin up and high
GOODBYE

I vaguely remember you use to visit me
For a whole month straight only at night
My unrealistic mind lead me to the conclusion that you were a vampire
And that your skin would burn during the day
If you came to see me
But then you confided in me
And that's when I discovered that the only thing  burning was your heart
And that you were so depressed over something you couldn't change that
You punished yourself and believed that you didn't deserve anything as peaceful as the sun
And became a night walker

He was once your everything
then all of the sudden he wanted to mean nothing
And then the heartbreak eventually became a memory
And now you walk past each other on the streets like strangers who were never ever in love

Can we start over?
I promise I won't fall in love this time.