When I look back at the things I had
The things that now are gone
I was planting seeds of division
But the trees grew tall and strong

I used to see for miles around
But now the forest grows
Beneath the shade of branches
Are secrets no one knows

At first it was a place to hide
An oasis on barren lands
But holding on to a past that's gone
Was just leaving time on my hands

For years I must have wandered
Abandoning all that was good
I thought I knew my way out
But now I'm lost in the woods

it* has been coming back
every night
and I had to make sure
I was still alive

don't leave me alone
this blade
against my skin
feels very cold

don't leave me alone
the puddle of blood
scares me
when I look at the floor

don't leave me alone
or it will consume me
and what's left of my soul

don't leave me alone
I can hear the sirens
and my eyes
are starting to close.

It is both exhilarating and frightening to look at one person and see your entire world.
Terrifying to wake up in his arms at 3 am and admire the shape of his lips,
The warmth of his skin,
The way the light from the window accents all his best qualities.

It is intoxicating to kiss him when my body is so full of love that,
like an erupting volcano,
I can no longer control myself.
Thrilling to look up and see him looking right at me.

How intimidating it is that he has no idea that the stars are in his eyes and his smile is the moon.
And how I feel every bone in my body melt when he kisses me.

But,
more than anything,
How wonderful it is to love,
Wholeheartedly,
Without hesitation.

Phenols*

Your heart was always empty
and I was full of self sacrifice,
so I tried to give your heart substance
with all my deepest love.

I poured and poured,
with pain I wrestled
before realizing I was pouring
myself into a stubbornly empty vessel.

You could have just told me
you didn't want any part of me
and not left it too late,
with pieces of me floating about
in a heartless man.

I am smoke from a discarded cigarette.
I am a dogeared page in an obscure novel.
I am rain on the ocean.

I want to be a sunbeam dancing in a glass of pink lemonade.
I want to be a tall pine's love whisper to the silvery moon.
I want to be a baby's first smile.

I am the dark side of the moon.
I am a blank cartridge.
I am a penny on a train track, waiting.

I want to be yeast bread rising in a warm place.
I want to be newly poured concrete growing firm.
I want to be a toddler's prayer.

I am a schoolyard after recess.
I am a Saturday matinee.
I am mist dying in the mourning sun.
                    

You spilled my half full glass of living.
You clumsied it onto it's side
And everything poured out.
Now how am I supposed to play
The game that says it's half way full
Not half way empty?

Any fool can plainly see
This glass has nothing in it,
Even if I Pollyanna up a smile
And spell out all it used to hold,
It's absolutely empty now
And nothing I can say will fill it.
                    ljm

I am no longer waiting for a special occasion; I burn the best candles on ordinary days.
I am no longer waiting for the house to be clean; I fill it with people who understand that even dust is Sacred.
I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me; It’s just not their task
I am no longer waiting for the perfect children; my children have their own names that burn as brightly as any star.
I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop; It already did, and I survived.
I am no longer waiting for the time to be right; the time is always now.
I am no longer waiting for the mate who will complete me; I am grateful to be so warmly, tenderly held.
I am no longer waiting for a quiet moment; my heart can be stilled whenever it is called.
I am no longer waiting for the world to be at peace; I unclench my grasp and breathe peace in and out.
I am no longer waiting to do something great; being awake to carry my grain of sand is enough.
I am no longer waiting to be recognized; I know that I dance in a holy circle.
I am no longer waiting for Forgiveness. I believe, I Believe.

-Mary Anne Perrone

Photo: Ingmari Lamy
Via Sacred Dreams

I wish I knew
How not to be sad.
How not to be angry,
And how not to feel pain.

I wish I knew
How to be happy.
How to enjoy life,
And how to leave the past behind.

I wish I knew
How to trust.
How to love myself,
And how to forget the harm.

I wish I knew
How to open up.
How to fight the dark,
And how to get rid of anger.

I wish I knew that
Not everyone is nice.
Not everyone wants to be friends,
And not everyone is kind.

I wish I knew that
Not all things are free.
Not all love is real,
And not all hope is true.

I wish I knew that
Not everything is joyful.
Not everything is beautiful,
And not everything is light.

I wish I knew that
Memories don't fade.
That words sting,
And scar for life.

I wish I knew
That my skies wouldn't clear.
That my demons would win,
And that I would give in to the darkness.

It took years
I knew every bump and crack
In rain , fog , night or day
I ran to be running away

Found my second wind
air rthmically
going out , going in
mile after mile
constant as the waters
of the Nile

Later
while I was sitting
in my den
A wondrous feeling came over me
A high that elevates . . .
one that no drug can reach