sadbadhabits

sadbadhabits Feb 2019

a.c.

my heart still yearns for you
sometimes I make myself believe
that you’ll come looking for me.
but you have erased me from your memories.
do you miss me?
do you wish you could have met me?
do you wish you could have kissed me?
i don’t want to live the rest of my life not knowing.
I want to go back to dreaming with you
I should be with you.
did you even love me?

#love #heartache #missing #lost #sad #dream #distance

sadbadhabits Jan 2019

my last poem to you

5 years ago, i lost you for the first time
it didn't mean much to me
because you cant love someone
or miss someone you've never met.
now i am an adult
and have a clearer image of what love means to me.
i brought you back into my life
because something inside my mind pushed me
to fix something my younger self was too afraid to do.
unexpectedly, i fell for you. all over again like i did 5 years ago.
the idea of you was a dream come true to me.
all the love songs started to remind me of you.
im such a hopeless romantic.
i love the idea of love
and my emotions get so strong especially when its someone i dont want to lose.
i didnt intend on losing you.
but i did.
i felt toxic to you
everything i would say in the last few days we talked just distanced us even more.
i made the hardest decision
i chose to let you go.
there is still hope in me that you'll miss me
and want to come back.
for now, all i have is our memories
on what could have been.

january 4th, 11:26pm

#love #lost #dream #romance #sad #heartbreak #gone #lover

sadbadhabits Dec 2018

december 29th 9:36pm

tomorrow is one month
since I last heard your voice.
I deleted your number
because I didn’t want to be tempted to reach out
or to pour my heart out
and be left on read.
I remember the morning I sent you the playlist I made for you.
you were so happy
now I sit here alone
listening to songs that remind me of how much of a dream you were to me.
I remember the last thing you said to me
“I want you but I can’t have you”
how could you want me if you pushed me away everyday?
I never got the chance to meet you.
but the hurt I feel
feels like you woke up one day
and walked out of my life.

I still miss you

#hurt #sad #lost #love #music #poetry #happy #gone

sadbadhabits Dec 2018

december 26th 12:34am

26 days
since i’ve heard your voice
and your laugh.
I told you “I love you”
like I always did
and you hung up on me.
thus beginning the process
of losing you.
I remember the day I sent you a video of what my voice sounded like.
and you said it was cute
which eased my anxiety of hearing a recording of my voice.
that fear came true.
you don’t want to hear my voice anymore.
it’s been 6 days since we last texted
since the last time a picture of your face
was on my screen.
i’m waiting for you to miss me
like you said you have been.
but it feels like you haven’t,
you don’t stop talking to someone you miss
when they’re just one click away.
my phone says it’s 11:11pm
and my only wish is to talk to you
one last time.

what am I supposed to do with your christmas present?

#wish #love #heartbreak #anxiety #laugh #lose #empty

sadbadhabits Dec 2018

december 17

how can you miss someone you’ve never met?
by remembering the sound of their voice,
and the way their tongue moves
with every word they say.
by replaying the sound of their laugh
when you can’t sleep at night.
and the way their eyes squint when it becomes uncontrollable.
by picturing the way they blush
like that one time you told them that you can’t help but fall deeply in love with them
as they looked at you
with their heavenly brown eyes.
by daydreaming of the shape of their lips
and realizing that you may never get to feel them against yours.
I miss him.

he’s so far away

#longdistance #love #ache #kiss #eyes #sleep #laugh #miss

sadbadhabits Dec 2018

moonlight

at night when i'm looking at the moon,
i wonder if he's looking at it too.
but he never is
instead, he stares into her eyes where he sees heavenly stars
he prefers the twinkle over the plain moon.
we're miles and miles away
but the moon meant to me that we were always under the light of the night.
but he saw the myriad amount of stars
and found one much closer to his home.
now i cant help but think of him as i look up at the stars.

abandoned

#moon #light #stars #longdistance #love #heartbreak

sadbadhabits Nov 2018

brown eyes

the majority of people in the world overall have brown eyes
to dark eyes.
i see people every day who all mostly have brown eyes.
but when i stare into his eyes
they are a different shade of brown.
this brown shade of his eyes
make me fall deeper for him.
i get so lost in them that i don't even notice when he solves his rubik's cube.
his brown eyes are the same shade of my favorite chocolate.
it makes me enjoy his eyes even more.
his brown eyes make me believe that he's the only one in this world with this color of eyes.
the majority of people in the world
don't have the same color as his eyes.
he makes me think that i am seeing brown for the first time.
he makes me feel alive.

1,434.9 miles away
to my love

#distance #love #eyes #brown #world #chocolate #alive