the universe shakes me awake with an ache in my chest
and for a moment i think it's just my ribs getting stuck again except
I'm not having trouble breathing
like i sometimes wish

i look in the mirror and know I'm not alone
it's four AM
and not a soul stirs
not even my own
i think that's why my chest hurts

mine's dead
i think
and now the spirit it leaves paints itself gold
stroke by stroke
"FALSEHOODS" i scream in the mirror
"falsehoods" the reflection whispers

and i weep
a broken fragment trying to make itself new and worthy
but what a lie
the lies we tell ourselves
and the lies they tell themselves.
nothing is worthy
but hush, just paint them gold

she said she missed me
I said I missed the way I felt
she said she regrets ******* up
I said I don't give a ****
she said she sees I've found my happiness
I said "yeah, with someone else"
she said I'm glad you're happy
I said I'm sorry that you're not
she said I've lost all my friends
I said I'm sorry but that's okay
she said she's been looking for happiness
I asked if she'd found it
she said she didn't

MAYBE THE REASON WHY PEOPLE CAN'T
FIND HAPPINESS IS BECAUSE THEY NEVER
BOTHERED TO LOOK FOR IT IN THEMSELVES

You awoke before the rest
Their sighs and breaths
Disappeared in the dark morning

If only they would wake
And leave you unalone

there’s a coldness in your eyes
and it’s coming from your heart

I can tell when you hear the songs you feel hollow
the echos of the words bounce around in your bones and
paralyze the warmth of arms
.

every way out of this is just out of your reach and it’s fading fast
you stretch and kick but it’s too far. the strain is unbearable
you slowly fade into a gray hole.
inescapable  

you’re lost to yourself

you’ve become numb
a slate of nothing

the rain no longer satisfies your feeble body and the unquenchable melancholy death

it’s pulling you deeper in that unforgiving hole
in the deep dark pit of your stomach where love once inhabited


the hurt is you.


you've been overcome and the devil of regrets and all his evil own your broken beaten soul

i wanna go on long trips with you
stop at gas stations and eat chips with you
do the things that lovers do,
get lost and dissolve into you

but,
it's okay if we just pretend
we're only going nowhere
in the end

you could leave today
behind for tomorrow
this is the diaspora where
no one follows
and i promise it won't take much
to let it all go


sometimes leaving
just looks a lot better
inside my head

the rough texture on his fingers
from putting his soul into his art
his guitar, all black and shiny
a piece of art alone, extra special when he plays it
the warmth of his palm
i trace the lines that cover it
making an 'A' on the center
i clasp my hand, interlacing our fingers
rubbing my thumb against his
i kiss him
nothing makes me happier
than the simple feeling
of his hand