Two of my baby sisters get their period on the same day,
And I did not think
I could be so proud
Of two bodies for learning to perform a task they were bound to perform,
Nor so scared of what it meant for
The worry in my heart
Every time they walked out the door.
I did not think it was possible
To be so in love with a person -
to feel their fear and shame so keenly as if it were my own
In that moment of contrite confidence:
I need your help.
Is this how it feels to be a mother?
Mariana’s trench gaping with feeling so explosive it could topple buildings?
The instinct to protect and shield and teach,
To share the knowledge of a sisterhood that binds,
while praying that this would be the worst of their pain,
To see stretched out interminably before you their growing and leaving?
But above all the love that demands to make itself known,
That rails against the stall door and crashes feral onto the stage,
Heaving through your skin in a thousand pin ***** moments
That just about stop the tears from welling too noticeably,
As you take their hands and lead them to the bathroom door.

There is a howling ghost haunting my ribcage,
And she refuses to let me sleep.

She's been set alight so many times,
But her will to survive runs deep.

There's something, something important,
She writes on the insides of my bones, her walls -

"Never let them fool you: a queen is still only human,
But the difference is that she rises as the darkness falls."

my eyes are open
and it hurts
every time I breathe
the air is a little broken
all my emotions
frozen
yet the pain remains
going through the motions
grasping with fingers
gasping for oxygen
a bitter corrosion
the rain comes
falling
I can't hold on
and refuse to
let go

Dreams come alive
When I think of you.