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1.7k · Jan 2017
Junkie is
A ****** is, a ****** was, a ****** here? a dime a dozen.
A ****** girl? just sixteen.
Choose to see life, a different sheen.
Needle never, needle then.
Needle why, in need of a friend.
Need some love, to warm my bones.
was frightened then, terribly alone.
A ****** was, a ****** why.
A ****** wished she could die.
A ****** lost it, skinny and sick.
all that's left, bones to pick.
A ****** disease, a ****** cure.
Don't know if you can recover for sure.
A good person now, a ****** then.
Hard to tell who might win.
Past, future, hopeful.
1.5k · Feb 2017
Amniotic Fluid
Floating, in amniotic fluid
as if i could
fly away from here
But still
I need you near I need you near.

My womb My place of peace
Pieces of you in me.
My womb,  my place to ****
What ****** you of is in me.

And I am hear,  to test the waters
Your Womb
Is it in me?

My sanctuary
My harrowing disposition...
Do I effect any decision
you make?

Please, my womb, is inside of you
My place of peace my place to ****.
My face to yours
the heart I miss

My womb, My Amniotic fluid
My fetus in the womb..
Raise it if I could.
Your heart, your ****
My womb, My amniotic fluid.

My place of piece.
Pieces of you in me.
My womb in you
Exhume!!
Take me out before I am ready
life is just to heavy....

Life can be fun
Its like an early funeral for the part of you which is real.
Its like a Casket floating down the river.
Its like a child dead and cold in their room.
Its a beautiful pasture with rotting flesh strung over the land scape.
Its an early wake. its and early death. An untimely deep sleep.
Your true self fades to the back all but leaving you behind and these entities of thought, these, demon like aspects of yourself take control because you are far to weak to do it.
Its like a crazy person who used to be so sane.

A ugly person who was once so beautiful.

A fat person who was once so fit.

A catatonic patient who was a Olympic athlete

It is like some one took your potential. Took your zeal, took your beating heart and said, now try.
1.0k · Dec 2016
Hungry
I'm feeling hungry, so I breathe in deep.
I dont want to eat
I want my body to be pure.
I'm feeling hungry, how much can I endure.

Hungry in my stomach in my heart and in my head.
Hungry and I am also feeling close to dead

But alive is what I want and what i wish for is pure

I am hungry but i know, that is just a lure.

I want my body clean my body strong my body whole.

I am hungry .....  but it is a hunger from the soul.
923 · Dec 2016
Eat Your Heart Out
I've been choking on the heart I tried to eat.
Its hard to breathe, at least it tastes sweet.
I found my throb buried in your chest.  
I ripped it out and started to build a nest.
A messy wound, i keep it clean.
I'll hold you up, or you can lean.
You stumble cower, you've been spent.
My loves desire sparks like flint.
You've cut me off and tied me tight.
I wont let you bleed out in the night.
Your heart I swallowed.
Ripped it out whole.
It sits in my chest perfectly fits in the bowl.
You ate mine, and now we are even.
Don't count on me ever leaving,
"She smells like ***"
I could hear them whisper
Did they really think that they were better
Just because I was 7 and smelled like ***
and they didn't cause they were cleaner than me.

"what a freak, she said she's part lizard"
Yes I did and also I'm a wizard
and I dont think you should call a wizard names.
Please stop laughing this is not a game.

"snicker snicker, we think we're better"
I see this and its not effecting me,
at least not now, in a conscious degree.
I am only 7 and i dont get why your mean.
I tried to be your friend, I told you my favorite color was green.
I told you how my dad was a super hero cop who faught the
aliens off.
I said that and I meant it too.
I thought you could tell me about your dad too...
Cause mine, well he's got alot of alien fighting to do.
and i haven't seen him since i was 5.
Oh my mom, I dont know if she's alive.
My grandma took me from her, I dont know why.
Something about germany, and *** slavery but I am 7 and dont know anything.
I told you about how my mom promised me a new world, she said i was her girl and we were leaving this place. She said the people here were of a lower race, and that when we got there it would be like outer space.
I told you how the power rangers lived at my house
and how even though im only 7 i still have a spouse.
told you my grandmother knows everything in the world and you can't convince me different Oh and she's rich, and i think shes a reverend. She reads alot a bibles, and tells me I may go to hell.
But hey remember I'm a wizard so I'll just cast a spell.

"she is crazy, i dont get her"
Your talking to loud to pretend that you whisper.
Your making to much fun to pretend that your better.
Because I may be 7 and I may be a wizard, I may smell like *** and I may be half lizard. But I'm a good person and I know thats what I am suppose to be. I'm nice to you, even though you hate me. I treat you well even though you berate me.  I try to impress you even though i see its no use lately.
I tried so hard but now I'm 8
Now My heart is filled with hate.
I've been abused,
My thoughts misused.
My mind mislead
My heart now dead.
Im Getting tired, and I'm gettign quiet.
You called me a liar  said you didn't buy it.
So i shut it. You dont want my stories
I dont want to tell you
dont want to hear my glory?
I dont blame you.
I'm useless. Im boring
Im stupid I'm dumb.
I'm 8 years old and I've stopped having fun.

But hey my moms back now, and she is living with me.
She hits me really hard, almost constantly .
You would never know that
and I would never tell.
I wonder if my grandma can send her to hell.
I wonder if you knew, if any of you would care...
That at night I am beat, and drug by my hair.
That I night I am hungry and far away.
That when not a school I am just as abused
as they way you do me here.
I was a messed up kid. just some stories from my child hood all mashed up together
775 · Mar 2017
Mestios`re4
Similar feelings have never arisen in this body.
I am filled in my core with electric
Wishing Washing, Cascading, lightly
up through my center, up through my chest
With in me, are waves of unexplainable.
Tides of Ecstasy, moving.

Laughing, crying waves of  emotion.
The music touches me, the thought of silence

touches me

You touch me.

I see the sky and I feel the wind, and God Touches me.

and I am filled with ecstasy.


How could I ever lose sight
of a feeling so true
A light that is so bright
shining at me from you

A son in the sky
A quarter till two
An Eternal life
A Half wanned Moon

And when the Stars pulse I surge
and when the Sky speaks, I learn
and when You touch me I feel
and when I  Breathe deep

I can tell you everything thats wrong,

Who knows whats real,

*who knows whats real
I hear the seraph's calling
They speak my name out loud
Is my grounding falling
Please remove this cloud.

My heart is so aware of the sound that's reaching out
But its so confusing to my mind that my ego wants to shout.
What in Gods name do you need me to do.....
Please don't ask to much, i hate to feel blue.

I've made to many promises, and my heart couldn't take it
So even if i knew, I might still try to fake it.

I need to bring you with me
Why do you keep falling behind

Why the **** can't you keep up.
I need you to stay with me, stop falling behind.

Yes its my own preference but I'm losing my mind.
To stray away from you would be death in its self
Stop moving so slow.
715 · Mar 2017
Junkie Is
A ****** is, a ****** was, a ****** here? a dime a dozen.
A ****** girl? just sixteen.
Choose to see life, a different sheen.
Needle never, needle then.
Needle why, in need of a friend.
Need some love, to warm my bones.
was frightened then, terribly alone.
A ****** was, a ****** why.
A ****** wished she could die.
A ****** lost it, skinny and sick.
all that's left, bones to pick.
A ****** disease, a ****** cure.
Don't know if you can recover for sure.
A good person now, a ****** then.
Hard to tell who might win.
Repost
704 · Mar 2017
Wow I love it
I think anatomy,
Guts twist and I am
Alive.
I think ******, and
fruit from us
and fetus lust
and atoms combust.

I think in utero
and fetal growth.

You wish and wash your *****
down and on the drain
You gave all of your healing
all away again.
So tell me is this instinct
or conscious want for you.
Being caused to be create
a mixture of us two.
699 · Mar 2017
Sey so
I've said to much although I haven't said enough

To explain to you the depth of my inner trials.

there is something with in me or around me
and its been trailing me for miles.
657 · Dec 2016
She Breaks.
Wavering at the top of the stairs...
She breaks.
Falls down the many steps once climbed
Shatters.
Looks into your eyes and she

COWERS.

Social was never clean and voices are always mean
Others, they feel nothing like she feels.
They know not the extent of what they have damaged
Child lost in the weeds of adult hood.
Woman left ravaged.
644 · Feb 2017
Fearing COmmitment
You were like nothing I had seen an open window ready  for me to make my escape
i never thought i'd need an  easy way out , but I guess you only get what you can take.
I was always one for taking to much fun and not giving in to the things i'd done
but the things i'd do, I'd do for you and can I ask, if you would do them to.
You were like a door way out, but i was scared of the town we were in and i waver closely only to places i  had been. And some times a door left open is never used, despite the fact that the cat had the chance choose.  Was I the cat runing forth and back waiting for a chance to slip away unseen, cause my morales couldn't stand to be mean.
Would I be the one to hurt you as long as i didn't seem to. Would i be the one to take what wasn't mine. I couldn't be unkind, I couldn't be unkind.
620 · Mar 2017
Whats in that?
You could waver over me
You could slip right above
You could try to flatter me
I could fit you like a glove.

You seem to be an issue
and You seem to be  a God
I seem to be a fisher of few
and I seem to raise mine rod.
619 · Jun 2017
baby blue
Baby blue got lost in the river.

down at the bottom only spine would shiver.

The quake was so endearing lost her veiw of the past

And she fell into the ocean river couldn't last.

baby blue filled with bruise said she had nothing to loose.

baby blue was a liar.  who fell into the fire.

Baby blue met a man said he'd try to under stand.

But she had nothing left to give, lost it all in the fire.

needle in her skin try to climb higher.

Baby blue still had her man, who staid  to understand

he said she had to put out the fire. Try to regain life desire.

what a mess that she had,  been burnt pretty bad.

The fire was still burning, but the embers needed nurturing...

baby blue had nothing left for them.

all that was left was left  for him.

stomped out the coals.

bid adu to lost souls.

Baby's got a new fire. and it burns for lifes desire.
583 · Mar 2017
Sacred relation
Savior can you Save her?
Do you want to make her,
Live another day, "sure"
But what if she wavers.

Then Savior will you Save her
From all her tricks and trials,
and Savior with you save her,
From all those strangers smiles,

I dont think so.

So Savior can you Love her,
Like her daddy never did
and Savior can you brave her
Darkest nights when  inside is dead.

Savior will you Remember ever time she sighs
Savor ever moment, see through ever lie.
Let her feel like you own it, sweet and inner thigh
Keep her from her vices, and Spiritually High.

Savior can saver her, Just for this moment
Let you entertain her See that shes been shown it

Taste all of her  Flavor, and in the distance you cans ee
That she is your savior and she can set you free

But only if you save her, with your deep sincerity  

So savor her  to find your savior and when she asks for you to save her
the answer should be free.
572 · Mar 2017
Paint
I can no longer write
what must come out now is feeling
No words just color, line and texture.
treacherous

You can't save  me when I am here
you can't make me.
You scoped out the information and you brought it to a boil
You measured all the degradation an you showed the inner toil
I never meant to hurt you, say it to me again
I never  meant to burn you with boiled information.

But you did and you did and you did and you did again.

You hurt me, like I never hurt you and you burned me like you wanted too
and you said you would never again
but you did and you did and you did and you did
you did it you did it you did it again.

You showed me the  sticky, dark black tar. that hides on the inside
and always leaves scars.
You showed me the ugly, the broken up mess, you showed me the danger as you showed me the stress

and you said Its not me its the anger this the others its life
is the momentary danger of being over come by strife
and I said leave it to me, to bring that out
yes leave it to me, to be the one to make you shout.
Leave it to me, I can always do it
Leave it to me, I can always ruin it
Ruin the Good mood, I can always prune it
Prune back the life
destroy and destroy it
leave it to me,
I am the dumb one.
So it begins, and how?

With fear and anxiety.
The energy that would be surging through you if you chose the path that you are thinking of, is already giving you a preview of whats to come.
Sober minded your body goes into over drive and adrenaline fills your nerves and brain and heart with static and sweat. You battle back and forth, because you know the danger and the out come. But the fight is meaningless because the Ego has chosen long before you even thought you had a choice to make.

To put it off would be like to feed a fire.

You lay down to try to overcome the intentions already giving bid with in you, without your will. Tears threaten to well in your eyes and the feeling of hopelessness and emptiness is quite prominent. You wonder to yourself how you have found yourself in the palm of something so much more powerful than yourself.
Thrashing and turning, because all positions are uncomfortable and futile, as long as you don’t give into the brat with in. The child like side of you who begs for Methamphetamine as you used to beg for candy at the grocer, knowing today may as well be the last day you could ever have it is beginning to fit within.

Your lover can not see the fight within you because he is looking at you from the outside from with in his own battle field...

The fight is beneath the skin.

You battle with right and wrong, going to pray to god, but then stopping yourself…. “Do i truly want to ask god for help with this? isn’t it a bit redundant to ask my god to save me from something i keep feeding my own flesh too.” As if The **** were a hungry animal, or perhaps its more about the addiction than a substance. Today **** is the substance, tomorrow it could be something other than that. You feed off of that which is out side yourself for satisfaction and it only brings further trauma. You can kick your feet and threaten to take sleeping pills, but your EGO wont allow a sleeping antidote today, because in this situation that could work in controlling it.

Not like in strictly emotive situations were sleep just hinders your ability to work out things with others.

No a sleeping pill could completely stop the cravings and send you into a trance of dreams about your inner issues. This is not going to be allowed. You are not in control. You have never been, but the substances Man has created have found themselves in the hand bag of the devil. And they offer item and tool for control. Like We have established. You gave up your power of decision when ever you fed into the egos beck and calls. Whispering your name and stories of pleasure and connection. A peace and happiness most human form has never known,

A jarring of the spiritual body and a quickening of death.

The mirror is beginning to look like a grave yard.

Your death is stenching the air and the clock is ticking. have you given in to the whimpering of your body and minds physical call for this drug you so enjoy in sin. Not quite yet but cracking is inevitable you know you have already chosen and any sliver of hope is falsely studied being whisked away so as not to interfere with the plan of Lucifer in this biblical story. When you announce that indeed the decision of methamphetamine is the one you chose.
(however you do not chose this, because to be driven for falseness truly is impossible. You have been lead a stray and know not truth.)

Immediately the guilt has already set in, before any actions are made on the decision your heart is calling out, is this right, to hurt my self in pleasure so temporary. Is this right, do i love my father an mother truly or have I even met them at this point. You lift yourself up off the bed and when your lover goes to follow suite

you can’t help but feel as an untrue Shepard tricking innocent sheep to follow her into the wolves den.

Would we both be fed on by the evils of this world. And if one of us is not, then is the other saved. But if one of us does, then both are doomed? Who I am to make choices lone, and am I at all.

When you lean off the bed you fall down the rabbit hole, seeing your love fall in right after you. you keep your eyes on the sky line at the top of the pit because already you are filled with remorse. You clutch your lover because already you crave their forgiveness.

Who does this demon belong to, was it yours or mine, or never either of ours.

Ridden with guilt for not only the fall of herself but eve is bothered that she is to blame for the falling of Adam. Are any of us to truly blame besides that scoundrel The Satan, and then if we blame him is it really only displacing the blame which truly should be laying on both our hearts each. Should we stow this mistake in the flesh and muscle like some prized possession or release it now before its set in.

And then If i asked for repentance and the reversal of my inertia would that prayer be granted, and if it was would i feel

blessed, or robbed.

I am reluctant to ask for help from the Most high even though i am most literally at my death bed when ever considering the life of christ. And if i can not request the light of God in fear of having a certain evil taken from me what does this make me?

You exit your house, haven of safety far away from all evil except the most irresistible, Oh Sweet Satan, or My sweet Mind, with so much potential and ideas, the power held with in my satan may very well be equal to that of the power of my Living Christ. And is this then why it is so difficult for triumph to meet me in the fields of mammon. How can I awaken My own Jesus to take the Methamphetamine to the cross along with his brother, The Satan so that for once, the evil will repent for His sins, and see in truth why suffering is coming from all of his biddings.
531 · Feb 2017
Chemical Imbalance
My serotonin levels must be low. this addiction **** really blows.
I've cleaned the room now i clean my house.
Keep on my toes, not to offend my spouse.
I got a big mouth. With a blunt mind.
And if you got a problem well no problem of mine.
I just want happiness.... Refined.
I wish it was easy. I wish there weren't so many problems and rules.
Whats wrong with wanting a rush. using tools.
I wish i could save up all my happy moments and put em in a syringe.
See if I tell some one who loves me that there going to  cringe.
Thats why i wish it was easy, to be a person. Every one would do it, if we all had no purpose.
I can't explain why i'd rather, be incapacitated  than one day waking up out dated.
Out of context, no longer relevant. wasted.
515 · Sep 2018
Vulgar Chastity.
I've been worshiping Kurt Cobain as Jesus Christ
I dont know why it just feels right
Somethings been let loose with in my mind
Its tyranny and nations wide
Gods been explaining the ****** and the *****
its all the same no less no more
and Reality seems like a hallucination
Its tyranny in every nation.
In every thought
in every sensation
For ever more
In every mind
In every lust and longing to find.....


Ive been worshiping Kurt Cobain as jesus Christ
I don't know why He just seems right.
499 · Mar 2017
meth am phet a mine
Dark scented light,
to my immediate delight
shone on through my eye ways.
Nesting maggots in my eyes,
I've mistaken god for flies.
Building up to what i was,
newness to an old impostor,
faking till you think im softer.
Satan came with darkness tongue.
Liquid acid licked me till I's numb.
Newness to an old impostor
changing lifes take what your offered.
Drugs and needles, lying thief.
woke up dead to my relief.
Gave my arm to doctor havoc.
swelled my vein you cannot have it.
Broken seal, mid elbow bend.
I know what I've done, but everyone has sinned.
Waking night in cold cold sweat
when it comes to dope wish we never met.
repost
484 · Mar 2017
Tantric Rite
Can you see the red in me
Can you see the orange in my womb,
Would you have come here to defeat me
If i hadn't beat you so soon.

I bet you were guessing my midriff wouldn't bare it.

Your weight or the serum you supply.
I bet you didnt think that i was aware of it

I bet you didn't think that little one would die.

We fight like deities.

I've thrown one, two, three apples across your floor.

We rise up the spine like serpentry
and you always have to stop before.

You always have to push for more.

We are Gods, and We are fire, and We are Water and We are air.
We are Gods, filled with desire, trapped in a world which is not fair.

I speak in terms of alchemy
Truth spoke out of turn.

You speak in silence, desolate
We let our souls slow burn.
484 · Apr 2017
Custody battles
Life has really been so strange to me. Moments cascade through my mind. A picture here, a sound there, all nostalgia.

Bullfrog eggs in a tractor tire filled with water,
and I am 6 and I am alone.
I am in the woods,
and I am away from home.
I am missing my mom,
who has been gone a while.
I am strange,
in the mind of a child.

When My grandparents stole me from my drug addicted mother,
I felt as if i couldn't go on, like I would truly smother.
5 was to young to be ripped away from her,
and I would be underestimating it if i said it just hurt.
It was like my air supply had been ripped from my lungs
It was like I was on autopilot pretending to have fun.
a New school No mom, no dad either.
Just grand ma and Grandpa, they did keep it cleaner,
but it wasn't the same.
To me it was insane.
It was different it was wrong..
I couldn't go on.
473 · Feb 2017
Love To Make
Soothing quest seen you travel
Lift my dress the threads unravel
Pressing in to love my soul
Pressing in become me whole

Watery mouths that dare to drip
Drooling thoughts and loving tip
Sending electric through my bones
Sighing out in ancient tones.

Wobble lean and weigh me down
Lick it clean don't dare to drown
Love you more than once before
Love you so, lead you to my core.
465 · Mar 2017
My love
Stand back my dear I am far to hot to touch.
Get away from here, stand out of my clutch.
You dont want this heart to hard to find
You dont want to change this cynical mind.

Stand back my dear, Stand down
Leave my house, and leave my town.
Leave this choking heart to drown.
Stand by my dear.

Stand by my love and watch me rot.
Watch me suffer, while you plot.
Think you'll save me, I can't save myself.

Get away my love You want some one else.

Breathe on me baby, tell me I'm cool.
I bloodied my wrists, you know I'm a fool.
Breathe on me honey you know I'm a mess.
cuts right above the hem of my dress.

Breathe down my neck, smother me alive
Tell me you love and that you'll never die.

Leave me alone I dont want you hear.
I dont want you to hear,
The falling of my tears...

Get away from me love, I am to filled with hate
You want to save me, but my cynicism says its to late

Tell me I'm cool, tell me I'm punk,
Tell me I'm spontanious and filled with *****.
Tell me I'm beautiful bleached blonde and all.
Tell me You wont catch me cause you'll never let me fall.

I can be Sid and You can be Nancy
You can be Jesus and I will be Mary.
Repost
450 · Apr 2017
Poppy Tea
Lemon twist has always touched
this kidney and this mind
and I have never wanted anything more
than seduction into sweet sleep
through papaver.

Somniferous has always been
a friend of mine, one I have never
wanted to leave
behind.

But I must one day.

But today I ride the wave of tooth pain
and Poppy tea.
450 · Apr 2017
Somniferous
Creature of the poppy feild
What type of pain you ask I feel ?

Shades of Green and reds for show
Drink the nectar and move so slow.

Picker of the Niferous pods
The flowers bloom the croaks of frogs

Seeds will suffice in any matter
The better the pods they grow the fatter

Mothers milk some may say
couldnt survive hades any other way
449 · Mar 2017
Sequen
I find my self infatuated
The thought of you
Center me in aspiration
For a better life.

Your cream is thought of
Purity
Your cream is thought of
pleasing me
You center me in thoughts of you
In aspiration for a better life.
449 · Mar 2017
Movement
Bitter juice you make me spit
single heart in silence sit
Minds eye sees beyond constriction
Soul ties broken remove restriction
Let your eyes stream to mine
Let your soul release confine
let your heart beat so loud
Sew the ties and make me proud
Love me like you love your God
Love me, i will raise mine rod
Show me how to let you win
I will eat all of your sin.
441 · Dec 2016
Me, then it was you
ME. Thats what all this is all about
My inability to get over the past
How I get up set  and i scream and shout.
How My stable moments fade and never last.

How i think of you when I feel unable.
How i think of you when I am unstable
How i can't get past the way you raised me
How every day I wake up crazy.

Me the one, with the problems
The one who refuses to see.
The one who has fallen
Given in ridiculously.
Life after an abusive mother
427 · Jan 2017
ripple
You cause such a commotion
Vitals waver at the thought
Swept me into the motion
the thought of you, my mind is caught.

I never even questioned the authenticity
I never wonder why about you and me.
417 · Mar 2018
Existential christos
Pointless existence
caught some where between
wanting to be
and ceasing to exist.

Each day seems more like
An imagining.
Who am i,
but these the thoughts
And restless energy.

Days when I am tired
Surrendering to death
So sleep indefinite.

I would come back better
Cleaner than before.
Be a new imagining

Yet who am i,
These thoughts,
This restless energy.

I expend at the plight of my desire
Edging toward meaningful attatchments.  
And this is what I make.
Caught in between
Pointlessness
And purpose.

Yet who am I
These thoughts
Or this restless energy.
415 · May 2017
Expect nothing
Separate your view of me
From what ever you expect it to be
let go of what you think you thought...

I'm sick of drawing lines to reach
the marks you may have set for me
But honey let me tell you
I'm in love.
414 · May 2017
Deviance
Shattered glass covers the crawl space of my mind
you chipper singing mocking birds make me sick
I have lost the thousandth times
and never once got my pick

You shattered glass up on my door step
You left messages on my phone
Wanting me to give you more than
a hundred nights spent alone

You chipper singing mocking bird
You lied and lied and lied
You sang me songs of  dying men
I sighed and sighed and sighed
411 · Apr 2017
heal
engrossed in the thought of history i move my thoughts to yestermorrow in some crazy town under some crazy sky and I want you.  I want you hear and now like I want yesteryear... like tomorrow in the future, Cause i want to move from this distant place which is always located exactly arms length from your beautiful island of a body. Is it you or me letting emotional tide create more space between our land masses. God my ether longs to be mixed with in yours and is it just me who has felt so far away? really was it me all this time? I dont know... I dont care... But i want you. Your all i ever really think about when it comes to decision making and future planing. You are the considering factor in every single breathe i take. Litterally in bed at night, i aim my breath away from yours no matter how close we lay so that we can be comfortable. My conscious efforts are all for you and I mean it, Now want me too.
401 · Feb 2017
Comfort
Splintered bones and Feathers

Lay in the pit of my stomach.

Feline I am prowling deep in the jungle.

Call me eve, I am the beggining
and I will be the end.

I will birth this light and destroy it.

I will limit what I create.
I will nestle it so tightly

it will suffocate slowly.
The whole time thinking of

How warm it is in mothers arms.

It wont even realize its dying...
394 · Mar 2017
The way I am
I swing my hair in the car quite loudly
and Sing quite un forgivingly.
I parade my scars like tattoos,
do you want to touch them?
They feel quite strange!
Does it matter where I am from?
No I am not deranged!
I am just not ashamed.
Of course I want your attention
but i dont want your pity
I want your love,
and Thats what you can give me.
I'm to cool to hide my truths no matter how ugly
and if you try to tell me to pipe down
Well thats only going to bug me.
390 · Feb 2017
A letter to my existance
Broken and then fixed
So the cracks give you
             Texture
Left in the yard over night
and the cracks collect
            Moisture.
Who are you so beautiful
collecting character as you
                 Break.
Who are you so terrible
acting roles because you
are terribly Fake.
And frail.
You know not who you wish to be.
Because you are fake and Frail
and depending on eternity.
Awaken and become dear me.
385 · Feb 2017
Interpretive Dancing
You spoke of hopelessness and dispair
and Like A robot I put my two hands together
and made the loud sound of a gun
as I placed my fingers in my mouth.

You didn't get the relation between
What you were saying
and my interpretive dance.

But there were times when I was thinking you should repent
and you fell to your knees screaming for christ

and I knew that you did understand
with out me even saying a thing
or moving.

So when you said, I need to heal

I said I try to keep it clean
and I put on  lip stick with my finger just like the gun
and twirled my hair
and kissed your finger.

And you laughed. we both laughed.

We live such a high life.
383 · Feb 2017
Long lost friends
He's dead now... Its been three years two months.
Shot gun blast to the throat.
My heart aches but not for him.
It was never for him...
He was a urchen, a scoundrel,  a bad person in all.
Sure he didn't deserve to die but it wasn't all Logan's fault.

Devan was Robbing them, and he had a past
Of abuse in relationships and grudes that would last.
Logan was dealing, trying to make a living.
It was december I'm sure they were all shivering.

100$ Devan tried to take, He pulled out a gun
But it was fake. What he didnt know was that logan had one.
and his wasn't just for fun.

Logan had a sawed off shot gun ready to shoot.
and when devan played games he fell off his boots.

Pow, Blast to the throat. He would have survived but his friends were all goats. They dumped on the road.
left him to choke.
HE drown in his own blood

Logans been gone, in prison for 3 years and 2 months.
I miss him when i think of him, and that is a bunch.
I write him and i love him and I wish he never did it.

He has nightmares about it and he will never forget it..
Or forgive himself.
Even though he knows devan brought it on himself
Logan suffers for devans mother, and his brother and his father.
Logan suffers,
Logan thinks.
He remembers the gun powder stink.

Logan remembers and he suffers every day. They were 18
Biblical, yet blasphemous
I am the Holy Unholy.


I am the ONE, The Girl,
Female,
The chosen Heart of God
Some may call me Lucifer.
Or Sofia
Or wisdom.
I AM
The Concubine of The Creator.
I am the heart.
The Womb.
The love which drives it all.

With in me lays a bed only for the Son.
But if that bed is not filled I will destroy all i have made.
I will tear down the walls of creation
The room which has been waiting.
I am the destroyer.
I am the creators concubine,
I am the Womb.
But desolate, I am the destroyer.
Many names have been given unto my idea
None who speak the truth.
I am the womb.
I am the Woman, I am the Eve of Creation.
And Adam be my God.
And if the sun never rises
I will become the destroyer.
Biologically, Emotionally, interconnectedly, Mentally.
We are all this.
But as Woman, I am the Embodiment of the Symbol.
My ****** waits for the light of DNA to enter her
and when it does she rejoices in creation with Her concubine.
But When it does not.
I become desolate and I become the Moon.
I become the Sin, the Blood Sacrifice.
I become the destroyer.
Micro/Macro
This world and that
Male and Female
Death and life
The trinity.
373 · Apr 2017
Blood vessels
Dreams catch feathers all by themselves

and me I like my coffee sweet


But nature never offered beans in the flavor of

Vanilla except in Orchids

The flowers of which have always reminded me of

My Own anatomy

What does it mean to cave inward

at the peak between my legs...

I'll never know what it means...

But my heart beats in unison with ******

like there is something to it and its a part of me

A part beyond kidney

a part like heart.
361 · May 2019
How to sing with friction
You wanted me to say
another  thing
perhaps about the sky
maybe of the rain

You wanted me to breathe
condensation on your face
you wanted me to exhale
vibration in this place

Your eyes were moving side ways
your lips were trembling
and I was reciting 5 ways
to get a crystal glass to sing

A bit less pressure,
just keep it going smooth
slow down around the curve
steady when you move

Friction is a friend
of those who like the sound
of softly grinding skin
reverberating into the ground
this is also a song, if your interested in hearing it, message me.
361 · Jan 2017
Savior of Sorts
I shivered when you asked of me, and thats cliche
But I'm not a liar and it didn't happen another way.

See i shivered when i thought of you
and all that you encompass,
I whimper at the thought of you
And all that you possess.

I am shaken by your presence the wind rolls through your hair
and you stand with shoulders tall, casting shadows here and there
Your voice can over come me, seeps into my awareness.
Your voice can become me, thats alone apparent.

I love it when you talk and I will listen full long hours.
every single thing about you makes me question my own powers
Like who is this person and how have they become
What did you do, to create this overcoming one
This Man of radiance, this angel speaking in cadence
This person with such gifted thought
This being with such magnetic presence
No other thoughts alike him.
Admiration of a wonderful soul; husband
350 · Mar 2017
Questions
Does your brain ever falter.
Not when I was young.
Are you treading hot water.
Not unless I'm dumb.
Do you know how to live
Living some fake lie.
Do you know how to be
no I pray to die.

DO you want survival
I'd rather not
DO you want revival
I'd rather rot
Do you want to come back
Not from this
Do you need anything
Drug induced bliss.

Does your brain ever falter
Not when I'm sleeping
Did you ever want a father
Only when dreaming
Did you ever think
not ******* once.
Did you ever live
no i never had the guts.
347 · Jun 2019
my feelings i feel
Like one then two
  more specks of moisture
collect in mine eyes

Gazing towards you
  your cauldron of beauty
you keep so well.

How the hollows of your eyes
bend spectrum and spectrum of light.

You glance at me,
its as if my heart was first an abyss.
In one moment
it is transformed in to
life above life, love beyond love.

Your movement cause breezes
sweetened air  moves about.

It stoke the flames of my desire
keep me wanting for breathing.

You must be an angel
come from geometry
symmetry

Moving  around in your perfect expression
I'd mistake you for god.
My sweet husband
347 · Jan 2017
SKELETON LOVE
Can you laden my bones?
Anchor me to home
I want to be so warm
Where have you gone.


Can you laden my bones
Look at all the clones
Trying to get warm
When will they leave.



Fill my hollow
with your own marrow
Promise me a forever
some day tomorrow.


Bite into the bone,
Scrape it along the break
I can never be alone
thats when i make mistakes.

I'm breaking breaking away from the roots

I've grown ten more feet, strong fresh shoots.


And watch it climb the side of our old house


Laden my bones hold me down my dear spouse.
346 · Jun 2018
rooe
Blind sea gulls fly over the court yard
They smell the sodium sweat and hear the rumbling of the voices confusing them for the oceans whispers.
The people walked to and fro, from this task to that, under the sun packed into the court yard elbows to elbows waiting in line or walking through to some other destination. Never bothering to wonder about comfort.  A miracle in itself were the deaf pigeons who lived in the court yard among the ruckus. They paced on the side walk between feet and sometimes wheels, from whatever cart was being aimlessly pushed. But an even bigger feat were those who feed the pigeons daily, there for only that. Well the seagulls smelling the wretched sweat and hearing what sounded to be meaningless sloshing of water, the gulls went to land.  Upon landing they were quickly screamed at and kicked as they did their best to blindly dodge the humans feet. Finally they ran upon that area where the pigeons spend their time bobbing and weaving and they ran into the pigeons and the pigeons cooed and purred and huffed out of the way pecking seed and bread as it fell. They pigeons quietly muttered to themselves so much that the seagulls could fall close behind them reaching out and even feel their feathers from time to time with out upsetting them to much. The sea gulls tried talking to the pigeons but they never responded. Just went on cooing and purring and pecking at.... at what seemed to be food. The sea gulls soon learned the pigeons were sloppy eaters and they took to picking up the crumbs they left behind as they followed the pigeons through the court yard. The pigeons on the other hand were nervous. But they didn't think to much about the feeling. They were deaf, so what was there to think about when no one has ever communicated anything to you. Yeah the pigeons were kind of dim and they just continued on, as the sea gulls followed them, every few days asking for directions to the nearest beach. Never getting a response.
339 · Jun 2019
Darling Insecure
Let me taste the sweetness of your breath,
please don't hesitate,
there are no reasons left,
For you to hide from me,
so open up your chest
I mean no judgment of your dear,
to me you are at best.....
When your waking early mornings
when your laughing over loud
when your taking more than your portion
when your shoving in the croud
when your angers got the best of you,
how you raise your voice
how quickly grace can fall from you
as you lose all your poise.
Let me taste your breath  
feel no insecurity
please feel no unrest
Always in each passing moment
i see you at your best
my sweet husband
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