Perhaps it's due to the early hour,
Or the hole in my chest,
Or the endless darkness encasing my tomb,
But I can stop thinking of you.

I became absent.
In everything.
With everyone.
I didn't want to realize,
How alone I truly am.
Because **** it.

I don't need anything.
I don't need food.
I don't need a relationship.
I don't need my family.
I don't need friends.
I don't need you.

I
Don't
Need
You.

I don't need you.

I don't
Need
You.

I
Don't Need
You.

I don't need
You.


Because if I say it,
In just the right way,
With the right rhythm,
I will believe it.

I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.

Well...
Maybe I convinced you at least?

I’m scared of getting better
I’m scared of leaving
I’m scared of losing
Losing what I thought was right

If I’m not ****** up
What am I

I am not myself anymore
I am so much my illness
That I am not me

This illness eats at me
Eats for me
Until I am gone
And it’s all that’s left

I don’t want you to see that
I don’t want that
I want to leave

Don’t watch me die

Instead
Leave me alone
Let my skin scream
Until both me
And my illness
Are gone

Until that day
Stay away
I can’t let you know
That I love you
Because I’m leaving
And I can’t leave you

So please
Just look away
And leave me to it

My blood is sacred for it waters
the burning drought that surges
the barren outskirt of my skin
It ignites the grave of every dead muscle
killed for shooting a wide toothy smile
across my unquivering lips
It tells long forgotten tales
of all the women I used to be
but failed to see,with eyes shut
vomitting tears of self disdain
and a widespread rash over my skin
My blood is a red flag of relief
from a heap of decapitated veins
and the sardonic cold inside each *****
Every drop, a stifled scream for help
a pitiful plea to be noticed
And a scar-let seductress
waltzing across each arm
In the fading light of room
and the dying music of my heart
but my sacred blood still shines
it spills like barrels of wine
down the outskirts of my barren skin
and from each tiny particle
rises a woman that says "sacred"

Red as the blood
Seeping out of my skin,
I can feel myself
Drawing in
To the silver glow
That only God knows
Has never left my side

my hands know
the motion to draw blood
better than anything
i've learned
in the past few years

You’re good at finding the things that will hurt you and french-kissing them behind the locked door of a school bathroom stall.

When you were 12 your mother found you with scraped knees and asked why the hell you run to things when you’re so intent on falling down.
It’s a good hurt if it bleeds and it’s the best hurt if it kills you.

If you don’t want good things, nobody can take them from you so you take them from yourself, the art of denying, of choosing bad choice bad choice bad choice until you’re dizzy with victory because yeah maybe you ruined your life but it was your life to ruin and nobody not nobody is going to control you like that again.

Who can hurt you when you’re already cutting the brake lines and setting fire to the engine.
Who can hurt you when you’re practically an artist at self-destruction.
Pain is clean.
Pain makes sense.
Pain is temporary.

Isn’t it all temporary.

i can’t control
when people leave.

i can’t control
whether he’ll love me.

i can’t control
who lives or dies.

i can’t control
their opinions.

i can’t control.

but I can control my body.

I can control my calories.

I can decide when to stop.

I can decide whether I live or die.

I am the only one
who has that control.

I whisper to myself
no, I write to myself
cause the clack of keys
is a sound unreadable...

                 "let me be ugly"

But I remember how you held me
How you took care of me
And when you fell asleep, I stayed awake
Counted your freckles as if it would sober me
I could feel your breath on the back of my neck

All else is a mystery