We lock eyes across the bar
Hit pool ***** with sticks
Clink glasses filled with drinks
And dance badly to songs on the jukebox

We buy shots with our friends
Gossip on the stairs
Hug when the night ends

The student soundtrack to our love story

You sold cookies for a living and knew my order well. You'd sneak me free ones and smile a smile only meant for me.

I told you about the boy who thew a vase at my head and you held me and told me you'd never do anything to hurt me. Stupidly, I believed you.

I told my friends about you, my mum about you, about the boy with Hazel eyes who made me laugh and my heart sing and who saw the good in everyone.

You asked me to the cinema and I was so excited, I straightened my hair and did my make-up, something I never do but I wanted to impress the boy who made my heart sing.

I met you outside, you wore a blue shirt and told me I looked pretty as you bought us tickets to Guardians of the Galaxy 2. To this day, I can't watch that film.

We sat at the back and you used my full name to ask me to be yours and even though I hate my full name, I let you and I said yes.
You smiled and in that moment, made me the happiest girl in the universe.

You told me you had tonsillitis and I told you I didn't care and you kissed me and I blushed as you told me you had butterflies and I told you I did too.

We played Air-Hockey after the film and I thrashed you (I knew I would). My dad gave you a lift home, you charmed him, I thought everything was good.

For the next three days, you were the centre of my world and I thought I was the centre of yours.
You told me you'd plan something for my birthday, told me about all the dates we'd go on, told me I was pretty every day.

Until you sent me the text that blew up my world.
I told you that you looked cute today and you responded with,

"I'm not feeling it anymore"

Four little words. That's all it took to destroy us.

A week passed.
You got a new girlfriend and I was left with tonsillitis and a shattered heart, wondering what I did wrong.

I didn't speak for a month, cried so much I thought I'd drown and you didn't even care.

I wonder if you ever cared at all.

My Grandma used to be my biggest fan
She used to take me to the park, buy me ice cream
Push me on the swings till I couldn't see the trees

She used to take me to the zoo, point at the animals
Buy me cuddly souvenirs of each of them in the gift shop

She used to take me to the supermarket
Push me in the trolley and buy me a cream cake at the end

My Grandma was the one who told me to write stories
She used to make me cheesy pasta and we'd read together
Stories about dinosaurs and princesses and little girls with coloured hair

That was before she grew old

Now my Grandma sits in her chair
Her skin as thin as paper
Withered bones from old age

My Grandma doesn't really remember my name anymore
Doesn't really know what I look like
Can't really hear what I say

She's not really interested in my life anymore
Only in soaps on telly and other people's lives

My Grandma used to be my biggest fan
Now she doesn't really know who I am

I don’t smoke
Too many people I know have died due to it
Too many heartbreaks, too many mistakes.

But if I did
I’d light you on fire and breathe you in
Inhaling your smoky scent, like woodburning
Until my lungs were coated with your ashes.

No chance of lung cancer
But maybe a chance of obsession
A dangerous obsession
An unhealthy obsession.

And I’d watch the tips of you slowly burn
Until my fingers were in danger of blistering
And you could feel the heat from my face.

You are a dangerous habit.

You occupy my brain like candyfloss
My thoughts feel cloudy
My words become a jumbled mess when you're around
But it eventually fades away
Until the next time we meet

You occupy my brain like candyfloss

"Self care is important"
That's what my friends say

But their form of Self Care is
A hot bath
An early night
Time to yourself

My form of Self Care is
A breakdown
A new piercing
A spontaneous adventure

We are not the same.

Two strings
Pulled together
Stretched apart

No attachments
No obligations
Just free

But what happens when
One string starts to get
Attached?

Have you ever noticed how dark the world is at night?
It's like someone's thrown a blanket over the day
And unless it finds its way out, dark it will stay.

Have you ever noticed how still the world is at night?
No noise, just silence, no light, just stars
No pets or people, just sometimes the odd car.

The world is still but my thoughts are nocturnal
They circle my mind, never ending, eternal.

I'm losing myself, my thoughts take stride
They spin round and round, can't sleep, want to hide.

Then day appears in a flash of light and they disappear, preparing for another night.

Have you ever noticed how dark the world is at night?

"You keep typing and stopping
All the time"

There is a reason
I want to talk
All the time

I want to say
How I'm feeling
How you make me feel
All the time

But I can't
Because that's weird
So I just keep typing
And stopping
All the time

Writing out words
I'll never send.

My heart does backflips
When you speak to me

But you're not the person
That should make me feel
that way

But the heart wants
What the heart wants

It evidently wants you

But you don't want me too

What do I do?

You told me that
If she makes you want to write poetry
She's special

Does that make you special?
Because you make me want to write poetry

All
The
Time

Fireworks, colour, explosions and beauty
The sunrise, warm days on the beach and hugs that make you feel like nobody can ever hurt you as long as she's around
Summer BBQ's and lazy days filled with happiness and lemon meringue
Coffee curls, tiny whirls and a smile that makes your heart sing
Excited chatter, crazy obsessions and a laugh that makes you want to laugh, even if you don't know or understand what's funny
Tiny dogs, crazy flavoured-ice cream and long journeys filled with karaoke sing-alongs to cheesy hits
Extreme workouts, movie nights and love for superheroes nobody's ever heard of
Aesthetic photos, intense hikes and knowledge about anything and everything
Long phone calls, deep conversations and a voice filled with so much love

To her friends, her family and the rest of the world, she's their superhero, flawless and incredible. Her family are proud of her and the world aspires to be like her.

But there's another side, a dark side that nobody sees and it's not the good kind.

Broken beams, empty pill bottles and angry scars
Late night rants, silent tears and screams for help that nobody hears
Quiet days filled with loneliness and self loathing whilst the world spins around her
Running miles when it's tipping down to escape the thoughts consuming her mind
Thoughts of destruction, of despair, of disappointment, feeling like she's not good enough for anyone
Clinging on to tiny shreds of hope that things will get better even though it's unlikely
Sporadic breakdowns in the middle of the night when nobody can hear her

Isn't it funny how she bottles this? Trying to be that girl that everyone loves when secretly, she's as fragile as a vase that could crack any minute.

It's funny how secrets change a person.
It's funny how secrets hide the truth

"We're best friends"
You tell me
And a little piece of me
Dies Inside

"I think they're pretty"
You tell me
And a little piece of me
Dies Inside

"I'm sorry we're not more"
You tell me
And a little piece of me
Dies Inside

I'm scared of losing you
Losing my safety
My happiness
My friend

So I'll just let you
Carry on
Breaking my heart

And when there's no heart to break
I'll tape it up
And start all over
Again

She puts The Simpsons on the telly
She takes my hand in her own
And in that very moment
I understand what it feels like to be home

She takes my hand in her own
Her hands are smaller than mine
I understand what it feels like to be home
I wish I could stop time

Her hands are smaller than mine
I never want this moment to end
I wish I could stop time
I don't ever want to just be her friend.

I never want this moment to end
I've never experienced this before
I don't ever want to just be her friend
She puts The Simpsons on the telly

It's Springtime
I'm sat in the garden
Surrounded by flowers and
Crying