I’m not sure
Of what I’m doing
I’m starting to dread the thought
That my solitude
Is not a choice anymore
But something I got used to
Without even noticing
Like it’s something I’ve been telling myself
That I needed
Or deserved
A symptom of strength
To show off
To be proud of
When the last thing I want
Is building up walls
Around someone I love
I should be pulling you in
But I’m kicking you out
I locked the front door
Threw away all your clothes
So you wouldn’t come back
Because I got so much tired
Of your endless coming and going
Never knowing where to stand
I’m not going pretend
I prefer to pull away
Before they do the same
But everything has a price
I’ve seen it with my eyes
And I’ve paid
For each one of my mistakes
And that’s alright
It’s all part of life
And I embrace it and love it all
Because now I know
That I almost became
The kind of person
Who hurt me most
Who shut me out
Without taking a chance on me
Now I’m aware of all the things I let go
I regret and mourn them all
But they belong to a past that I can’t change
from which I can’t turn away
But I’ll forever be thankful for having learned
That I don’t need to be like the ones who hurt  
When there’s an immense power that comes from being open
and vulnerable
to love.

I get the feeling that certain things
aren’t meant for me
but in spite of this
I keep trying
and trying
even if I never get it right
You might think
why ever bother
putting all this effort into things
that aren’t meant to be
Been stuck into this vicious game
for longer than I can remember
defeated all the time, but never surrendered
Gambler’s fallacy, you may say
and I’ve paid for each one of my mistakes
Maybe it’s a matter of strategy
Or maybe I’ve just lost my sanity
Because looking for love to only find apathy
Again and again
Is such a nagging pain
But I know that every false step
Every heartache
is bringing me closer
to you, my lover
So far it’s been the one and only thing
that kept me going through it all
You gave me strength
Even if I haven’t met you yet
Up to this day, I have nothing to lose
Already went all in with a two of spades
But I’ve paid my dues
Now I know what to do
No more wasting time
On hellos turning into goodbyes
I know next time
when I’ll find you
when I’ll make you mine
Everything will be like I’ve always imagined
or maybe better
because you’re the only one
who’s gonna matter.

I wish I had known who was standing in front of me,
Before I had to watch him leave

I wish I could have gone a bit deeper, trust his intentions,
But when I’m scared all I listen to is my apprehension

I wish I was brave enough to give us a shot
and if you chose to let me go
i know it was just my fault.

And so it goes
Bracing myself for the worst,
going out of my way not to get hurt
Building enormous walls
and then beating myself up for it all

My only hope is that you know
You deserve all the love
I was reluctant to give you

Maybe someday, when we find our hearts to be relieved
from all the things that are troubling them
We can start all over again
far away from this pain

This was my miscalculation. I make many, nothing new.

I hope it’s not too late to make it up to you.

for all that you stole.

2 am
At this ungodly hour everything reminds me that you’re gone.
I’m here under the sheets
And I don’t feel your cold feet
Rubbing against mine anymore
Broke down as if I lost a war
Where the winner took it all
All the good left in me
And even if I know this wasn’t meant to be
coming to terms with reality is hard
Actually, it’s the worst part
But I know I’ll get through the dark
Because I do it every night
I’ll wake up from this nightmare
And I’ll see the daylight.

I don’t know why I want
What I want from you
As if I had no other option
Than to fall back into this addiction
As if you were the only choice
I have
The only voice
I hear
Among all this noise
I know you’re not right for me
But every time we get closer
You abuse your power
And take me over
With that influence
You have on me
That doesn’t make me think clearly
I don’t trust my judgment anymore
I don’t even care to pretend
Everything is under control
I just want to be alone
But I can’t do it if you keep showing at my door
Standing there so tall
Looking at me
A fairytale prince
That makes me want to believe
One last time
Or at least one more night
You ask me one last dance
One more chance to make it right
We could be king and queen
To rule the world
Or even this empty town
But our time has run out
The spell is broken now
And you disappeared without notice
As I expected
And all I am left with
Is disenchantment.

Oh! You Pretty Thing
First time I saw you I thought Watch That Man
I really wish he'd Rock N Roll with me All Nite
because he looks like he's coming straight out of 1985.
Unfortunately It Ain't Easy since you already got this China Girl
but Where Are We Now? We made some Changes
and finally Here Comes The Night we'll be turning down the lights
covered in Ziggy Stardust, Dancing In The Streets, I never felt so right.
I'm a Rebel Rebel living on a Blackstar
you say Love Is Lost and just like you I Can't Give Everything Away
but I now that All The Young Dudes ain't got a thing on you
right now I'm in the Quicksand and can't find a way through.
I'll be your Lady Stardust, you'll be my Starman
we can be Heroes just for one night, or we can be us just for one day
so come on, let's go rattle the stars
And, maybe, in Five Years
we'll discover if there really is Life on Mars?