Your eyes are like galaxies
And I've always been one to gaze far too long at the stars

Each step walking away from your lifeless body, will be the hardest steps I will ever have to take

My brother softly told me that he doesn't want to die,
I whispered that I wanted him to live,
Together we cried tears, which were not capable of cleansing our hearts of the pain
In this moment we addressed the elephant filling the room...
Cancer

Oh suicide thoughts, my daily companion
Tell me, when did we become so close?
I swear it wasn't long ago we argued
And I told you I didn't want you in my life
And so you left for a while
But now it seems you've forgiven me for the hate I hold towards you
And you soothingly whisper, like friends do
"It's okay to give up now, you tried your best"

Lend me your heart,
So I can spend time,
Learning its stories,
And telling it mine

I shall fill it with love,
And give it protection
Show it to those,
Who don't have bad intentions

I will lend it to hope,
Who shall lend it faith,
It shall build dreams,
And wonderful taste

And I will return it,
Mostly... you see,
I got attached and
Saved a small piece for me

Tired heart weakly pumps
This desperate blood around my body
And my brain cries, please no more
There has been too much trauma here
It is now easier to let go.... than attempt to save this

Thank you,
For adding me, your daughter as another chapter of your life
Thank you for helping me write my own story into something I am proud of,
Thank you for editing my mistakes, making sure they did not weigh too heavily on me
Thank you for underlining lessons that taught values and morals to guide me
Thank you for giving me courage to turn another page, when I got too comfortable within myself
Thank you for allowing me to add pages to your story, adding chapters of worry for what I will turn out to be, worry where I was, worry my story would end quickly.
And I am sorry that I could not warn you how quickly your story would end, they said 70% chance of recovering again, from cancer, I said dont put down your pen yet, I will guide you and from these many months together our stories have become intertwined.
So as your end approaches I write this for you, write a thank you, the last bit of story I can for you, before I am left writing two words I was never meant to, not now, not so quickly, but darling mum, I hope for another story for you, that through the end of this one, somewhere else another story of yours will begin.

They promised, my dear you cannot trust anyone
For this world is selfish, surely you know,
It is filled with evil lurking,
That feasts upon your skin and bones

Stay away from all the darkness,
For the monsters show no fear,
They will laugh at all your failures
And whisper nightmares in your ears

But a saviour came striding through the darkness,
Though I had become the monsters prey
He showed me light and love and freedom
And with him I ran away

Terminally ill and fading away,
But let her live on, day after day
Suffering family, hearts slowly breaking
She is not there, her body grows vacant
But no to a sudden end they still argue
While I'm watching her dying, I question their virtue
She died suffering, my dreams remind me each night
Giving someone the repect to die, should be basic human right

I want delicate words that expertly unravel around your sculpted body,
cascading down your pale skin while sinking in to erase the ugly sentences life has cast upon you.

I want the things I write to stain you with my presence, a sign to the world that I have covered you already so there is no more of you to see.
So the devious individuals who grow eager to wedge themselves under your skin, know that there is no way I would let them in, because you are mine and will always belong to me.

These would be rich words full of anomalies that leave a lingering taste upon your lips when you whisper them softly. They would hold the potential to wrap themselves around you in a suffocating vice, or let you down easily in a beautiful symphony of literacy. They would be harsh when they need to be, but sweet in majority.

I want these words to stay in your memory, to hold you and comfort you, protect you and sometimes mother you. So when my touch is absent and my presence gone, you will still feel my words and not feel so alone, so until I am home and can hold you in my arms, these words will be a token to remind you of my love.

But the thing with love is, it can get so overwhelming, that writing about it can no longer be an option, so until I can once again find the words that right now escape me, know I love you today and tomorrow and after that for infinity.

These scars upon me, are part of a story, about the time I danced with death,
I took his outstretched hand and he swore to take away my breath
With brilliant twisted tempo, his feet moved in time with mine,
Against his body, he smelt like sweet poison and whispered "my dear you are divine"
He vowed to give me purpose, promised he wouldn't leave my side, people will remember he laughed "the girl I took as mine"
"Do not blame yourself" he soothed "your heart was far too weak"
I will give you a beautiful end and grant the release you seek
My mind grew very weary but my heart would fight once more
I said "I cannot let you win dear death, it's time to end this war"
Through battles I escaped him, these scars my living proof
He still craves the life I promised him and vows to one day be my noose
So as you look upon my scars, it is not shame I feel
But pride that though I danced with death, I prevailed and did not yield

I am tired now mum...
Before you died you promised I would be okay...
For you I have tried,
But without you here, not even perfect can satisfy my desire to make you proud

I wear breaking point like a gold star,
I have torn myself down so much,
That optimism feels like self indulgence

And after all this, I still feel like I have failed you

I will admit, I am shocked how quickly true love can turn toxic,
morphing into a poison that runs through our blood stream making us scream and bicker
and so the love we once felt is reduced to a flicker.
Toxins replacing our delicate words that once held such warmth,
with ones intended to hurt and bring each other to war,
till the point we are dodging our shattered love on the floor,
and grow eager for self victory though there is no award.
So tell me this dear,
is any of our toxic love, true anymore?

You make me smile like sunshine lives within me,
When for so long the world tried to tell me, I had nothing but darkness to offer

He gives me company when I am lonely
He reads to me when I am blue
Holds me close when I am crying
Does all he can to bring me through

He shows me sunshine on the dark days
Holds my hand when I show fear
Gives me his everlasting patience
And provides a listening ear

He builds me up when I falter
Makes me strong when I feel weak
Gives me hope when I feel hopeless
And says he loves that I'm unique

He is the one I wish to be with
For every day yet to be
For he is my soulmate, my true love
And this is our destiny

Shaking hands reveal the truth
I should have seen it, when my eyes brimmed with tears as I confessed my love for you,  
And with eyes downcast you whispered 'I love you too' but your hands shivered
I should have looked deeper
When my friend sighed 'everything is okay"
But with those forced words, came hands that shaked
I should have realized when I told myself 'I'm getting better' and an earthquake passed through my fingertips
I now know, to look past the deception and seek the truth your hands will show

Are you a late assignment, or some money overdue
Because I need more time, don't care for deadlines, I want 100 years with you
I will get down on my knees to beg, I shall comply with all requests, I'm desperate for these seconds, there is no time for rest
I need more than a day or two, and it's not a year I seek
See with all the love I have for you, I need much more than petty weeks
So darling, this I ask of you, just stay with me for now and let now never end

Because I know when we are old, our weary eyes will meet
I will say, I tried my sweetheart but now I must accept defeat
For all this love I hold for you, can never truly be shown, there is no timeline for my love but I guess I should have known
But as our body's move on, know I have loved you every day and this love of mine shall live on still, it is one that will never fade

im falling like tomorrow's never coming,
im too careless and throw around my love,
i guess i should try to see into the distance
but you've given me nothing to go on.
im trying just to live like ive seen them live,
they remain perfect but i just try to be enough,
struggling through something i'll never fit in,
but with my unique imperfections i shall rise above.

You died, you got to leave, on to better places I hope
Don't worry about me, I have memories to cry over and my crippling loneliness to keep me occupied
I have your belongings as a constant reminder
Just in case.... for a mere second, I forgot that you are dead

Gettin up and hating every ray of sunlight streaming through your window because it means you have to get up and fight through another day

Every second spent with you is absolute bliss
You give me wondrous memories that I often reminisce
I shall always love you truly, for true love will always be
You are my soulmate, my everything, you are the one for me

Cancer laughs, ha ha ha
Well you entitled *****, I do not find it funny
Stop attacking my family
Why are we so interesting to you anyway?

A penny for your thoughts
A nickle for your time
Would you smile for a dime
I want all of you

Take my heart, within your hands,
Promise me its broken pieces will be enough for you
Take my love and my demands
Open my eyes so I can once again see the world
I need you please, I forgot how to do this
I want to ask you, but feel too nervous
I am foolishly falling, will you catch me
Just stay right here and hold me tightly

I am no hero,
Myself I won't save
In dawn's early hours
I arrive at my grave

Waiting he sits there
He knew I would come
He offers me flowers
And yet I don't run

My coffin it beckons
Who am I to resist
I am a shadow at best
Who barely exists

When I was broken and hurting,
You waited patiently next to my side while I healed,
Never rushing me, but always waiting to catch me if I fell
And I will forever love you for that

Sweet angel of mine,
With your love divine
Please won't you just hold me
Until the end of time

Everyone has secrets,
Me... well I will push myself to breaking point
Until I am sure I have done everything to make my mother proud of me
And then I will break
Enough to make shiny knifes look perfect against my skin

That is the thing about grief,
You can talk to them all you want,
But the silence that fills the air when they dont reply
Will always tear you to shreds

Stumbling and lost, I guess I'm paying the cost
Of being alive, but shall I survive
This searing pain, always comes back again
I feel like I'm fading, into the grey

I never anticipated love to be the antidote,
but here you stand, healing what I thought would forever be broken

On days like this... I want to submit and take the prescribed pills,
To resurface from my own created ocean of pessimism
To have the sunlight feel like a blessing instead of a curse

I want to feel like the one who can,
Or perhaps I just want an answer to the question
"Whats wrong?"

As my psychologist said "see you next week" I silently questioned... but will you?

When you were alive,
You told me to be brave,
But now I feel like a lost little girl
Trying to find you in a supermarket
Strangers keep asking me if I am ok
People tell me it will be alright
But all I want is you

I want to disappear  
Get ****** into a black hole
Where I will be suspended
So I can sleep
And maybe not wake up

But sometimes what doesn't **** you makes you weaker,
It takes small pieces,
Until you're left trying to put yourself back together again
And you can only hope you wont fall apart

I was once good at goodbyes,
They were a convenient temporary end,
To a greeting or awkward social communication

Now that I have experienced, how truly permanent goodbyes can be,
They are not easy, but terrifying and I am now bad at goodbyes

You are dead
But if you need me
Look anywhere but your gravestone
Because I am too selfish to visit you now
I have enough daily reminders of your death
For example my constant thoughts of suicide
Because truly, how am I meant to be alive without you

Allergies? The doctor questions
I can’t help but laugh bitterly and whisper your name under my breath

My heart is breaking with the pressure
This tragedy might just be the end of me
It is pitch black within this tunnel
The unlined clouds hold only rain
So now all I can ask is your forgiveness
If I succumb to the pain

He stays, I push, a game of give and take,
This love tests his every instinct
To run from trouble,
Yet he stays

Standing tall, my insecurities and anxieties fear him
He loves me through it all
And I try explain to him how much it means,
But how can I find the right words to thank
The only one who didn't fear this side of me

Love is....
Another person joining your path and saying "trust me with your heart, I shall be by your side to share the burden"
It is not having to do it alone, suddenly the world loses it's terrifying edge, instead becoming strikingly beautiful

Mama maybe you want what is best for me, but I crave the opposite
I feel like a watch nobody bothered to fix
Still pretty, but unable to function
I feel like everything is a mystery,
But we always knew I was no problem solver,
See you did that for me
And now I'm spinning in circles, trying to find the answers I can not find for myself

My pathetic body breathes,
As I watch you suffer,
Your pale begging frame  
Tears me in half, like a jagged knife puncturing any possibility of happiness
Love filled words sit within me
But I guess I am too scared to fill the air with my sentimentality

On the good days, I smile when I wake up,
I enjoy the sunshine and the breeze,
I thrive with productivity and eat healthy

But on the dark days, my bed can be my only companion
My body aches
And every breath fills me with regret
Because I am just not good enough

I guess that's how it works with us,
You do whatever you like, tear me to shreds and watch me fall apart
But everytime you need me I will be there and I will hold you up even if it kills me

There is a war within my head,
I stay in one spot,
Hoping the voices will go away,
Wanting them to stop fighting
It's deafening

Life is hard
You're allowed to make mistakes
Youre allowed to have days where you don't want to get out of bed
Youre allowed to feel sad
Don't be so ******* yourself <3

Early morning sun pearing from tired clouds
Bitter coffee, snearing faces
Dreary people, tired and slouching
A life once bursting with promise, now filled with nothing