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Emillee Goodwin Apr 2016
And then he said; we will get through this together.
Emillee Goodwin Apr 2016
His love engulfs me and makes me feel safe again
Emillee Goodwin Apr 2016
I am Strong

Darkness can consume me
Life can be overwhelming
The mind can feel suffocating

I am strong

I crawl out of bed
I shower and dress
I eat my breakfast
I sit on the couch

I am strong

The day progresses
Tiredness overcomes
Exercise clears the mind
Study occupies my thoughts

I am strong

I go home
I cook
I listen and talk  
I get ready for bed

I am strong

Another day has finished
I got up
I accomplished
I am strong
Emillee Goodwin Mar 2016
I cry at night
Every night
It seems

I can't tell you why
I don't know why
I cry at night

Maybe it's where I feel safest
Or maybe it's where I can hide
Every night I cry

Tears just roll
My nose gets stuffy
When I cry at night

I try to escape
Think of happiness
But still I cry

My heart feels broken
It hurts at night
That's why I cry

At night
Every night
I cry
Emillee Goodwin Mar 2016
I used to look into your eyes and think that nothing could ever get to me.
You always said I'd be safe with you and no body could ever hurt me.
We planned and laughed and dreamt about the future we would have.
Then one day you hurt me.
You stole that all from me.
I found someone in my spot, naked and guilty.
You looked at me and told me that you didn't mean it.
It was all lies.
That I believed.
You made me feel like it was my fault.
That I was the one who made you.
You hurt my name and my heart and didn't care at all.
You broke my heart.
My body went into shock.
The days that felt like weeks and the nights that felt like years.
I was numb. I felt numb.
You tore through all my layers and left me so vulnerable.
I felt like I was standing on a cliff so lifeless and light that even a small amount of wind could push me off the edge.
You drank and partied and bullied me.
You showed me that you didn't care.
While I wasn't sleeping and wishing that I could die
Until I got up and started building myself again.
I realised I could walk and breathe by myself.
Life became real again and not just a nightmare.
I became me again and bounced around with laughter.
I met another person.
He is so much fun. He's taught me how to love again.
He's made me smile like I used to.
He doesn't make me feel alone and always stands beside me.
Holds my hand and holds me tight.
Let's me walk towards my dreams and cheers me from the sideline.
He wants me to succeed and doesn't hold me back.
My life is so exciting.
Until I go to sleep at night.
Where that day still haunts me.
The day I saw a blue car.
And a girl in bed with you.
A girl that wasn't me.
I didn't feel safe that day.
I felt so lost and lonely.
I didn't have anywhere to go.
You were the place I used to go.
But I know it wasn't me.
It was you.
As I learn to deal with it.
My life gets brighter.
It is hard.
But it will be worth it.
And maybe it won't haunt me
Just be a distant memory.
One day you will understand exactly what you did.
When you finally feel remorse
I'll be so far away in my happy place living and enjoying life
You will be the one feeling like I did.
You will be awake at night.
Thinking about that day.
Wondering if I still hate you.
Let me help you now.
I do not hate you.
I forgive you.
But I will never forget.
Emillee Goodwin Mar 2016
I try to shut my eyes at night.
I am restless.
I wonder to my self will it ever change
Will it ever get easier

I close my eyes and see darkness
I feel like I am deep under ground
So deep I can hardly see the light that shines
Down the hole where I have fallen

I hold on
To anything
Hope, Love

My hand is in another's
They have got me
I still feel like I'm stuck
Deep down somewhere.

Will this ever change.
I close my eyes and finally
I drift, into a deep, deep

— The End —