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 Sep 2016 Émilie Murray
Delaney
But is it really such a crime?
Avoidance, that is.
I wouldn't call it isolation,
nor anti-social behavior.

Perhaps I just enjoy the quiet
and the decrease in anxiety
a bit more
than mindless chatter
and having to worry about everything I say.

Please, darling,understand this one thing.
I'll avoid people quite often until my last breath.
Only under this circumstance shall I function semi-correctly.

(d.d.b)
Sing for me pretty bird of mine
I've cut out my tongue and can't say a word in time
So here's another old piece poetry. Does it even count as a poem? Meh. I like it anyway.
 Sep 2016 Émilie Murray
Steff
Imagine wanting to say something,
Having so much to say,
But nothing will come out.
You're trapped in your own mind.
It's as if you have stage fright,
And the whole world is a stage,
And you can't speak the lines
That you've rehearsed
Over and over, countless times.

Imagine people telling you
To stop being shy, to talk,
But they don't understand
How real this fear is.

What if you say the wrong things?
What if no one likes you?
Feeling as if they think you're weird,
That they don't want to talk to you.
And it's those fears that trap the words,
Trap all the things you have to say.
It's not easy, it's terrifying.
And no one seems to get it,
This is not just shyness,
This is not antisocial,
It's anxiety, it's a phobia.
And it hurts.
I'm so tired of being told to get over it.
Surrounded by emotions,
That I can't sort into good or bad
Surrounded by stress,
That I can weigh in importance.

Surrounded by guilt,
I can't tell if is illogical or not,
Surrounded by shadows
That I can't tell are real or not.

If this is what it feels like to be crazy,
Then I long to be just troubled,
And if Im considered normal,
I shudder at the thought of insanity.

I walk through life regreting every word
Every look
Every touch
EVERY YELL
every whisper
eVerY BoUGhT of InSANIty
And trying to reasure myself I do fine,
When everything screams at me
You messed up again!

So I'm sorry to the people who stay near me and fake a smile,
As I annoy you to no ends
But you can't say anything because you pity me,
And you have to deal with me always tagging along
As you pray I take the hint.

Please tell me when I annoy you,
I promise I won't be angry,
And if I am its not at you.
Because everytime I'm angry,
I'm just yelling at myself.
 Sep 2016 Émilie Murray
Kyle W
Around a crowd I feel every heart stroke
Discomfort is the reality
Invisibility creates a cloak
Corrupt thoughts lead to fatality

No one seems to notice I have a heart
Drifting through cities not even a glance
Searching the world for my counterpart
Waiting for the day I can get a chance

I latch on to attention like a chain
I stand in a group yet I feel alone
I hope no one else ever feels this pain
I hope its your name when I check my phone

One day I will find the one who is right
And then I would no longer need to roam
From that point on forever holding tight
Maybe then I could finally have a home
Small child, hiding behind a harsh cut fringe
Fans her hand across the window
Feeling the brightness dance underneath
her tiny fingertips
So watchful
So fearful
She stares hungrily within at
the writhing figures incased, suspended
in interaction

Laughter
Anger
Life

The window feels cold, yet
she can sense the warmth within
and it fills her aching bones with promise



The handprints fades from the window
And the door tentatively opens up
The girl breathes a last breath of fortitude
and steps inside, opening her head and heart,
displaying, placing within vulnerability,
Hopeful
Unstoppably hopeful
That there'll be people who like what they see

*I just want them to like me
Wrote this a while ago, but it got lost in my draft section.
Babbling like a fool,
Proving myself a tool,
I see judgment in those eyes,
I know I am despised.

My mouth closes then,
This is not my friend.
They think I am dumb,
I feel oh so numb.

Mouth, know your place,
It is inferior, like your face.
Please, get in line,
That disdain is a sign.

Speaking is not meant for me,
I am a total freak.
They know it on sight,
My chest is so tight.

Put me out of my suffering,
Their judgment is puncturing.
Their eyes are deadly blades,
I wish that I could fade.
I don't think any of these thoughts are good, and I'm not trying to spread negativity to readers of this poem. I'm simply portraying the thoughts that cross my mind when I am put into social situations.
 Sep 2016 Émilie Murray
oni
i just
want to
stay home

the world
is full of
*******
that want to
break your heart

and
ex-girlfriends
that want to
break your face

i just
want to
stay home

id rather not
waste
the make up
Humans are scary creatures.
The way we look at one another.
The judgements.
The assumptions.
The hidden motives in our actions.

Sometimes it's easier to just be alone.
But this is looked upon as a flaw in our behavior.

Anti-socialism is so widely misunderstood.
If you cannot function in group settings peacefully,
You must be some sort of freak.

Or maybe this black sheep would just rather avoid the distruction our species seems to create.

It's safer to just be by yourself.
Placed on the spot, People walking by
Eyes shift to my direction,
Snickering and smiling
My anxiety rising
Trying to grip reality,
My superficial temple artery starts pounding, as my heart rate rises.

I can't take this any more I must find the door.
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