I can't breathe.
The air is extricated from
my lungs by their
vacant, judgemental
stares and their obscene
words litter my skin
like the paint
that splattered my pink flesh
as I tried to paint you
a picture of what
this feels like.

No amount of water
could cleanse the feeling
of the tense atmosphere that
clouds my vision
as if I were a wingless airplane
flying on a foggy night, but
I'm not a flight you want
to take home tonight.

And I know you see
my straightened back
as another entity proceeds
2 feet too close into my
personalaized hell.

Turn away.
Pretend you don't see anything.

For acknowledging my
social anxiety doesn't
relieve me.

It causes me to be
more anxious than before.

I was afraid of living

It was only after getting excited, buying decorations, dressing up the house and inviting all the guests that this new never before known terror had dawned upon me...





...I had just arranged to have my entire home flooded with friends, family and strangers alike....







...And I have the worst case of suppressed social anxiety of anyone I know!

They battle within me
Those eyes people see
They think it's nothing
But it's the fear I'm chasing

Can this bottle of odd tears break?
Or is it all my mistake?
That I can't talk with strangers
For me they're all avengers

Blue braces
Fast paces
New faces
Mind races
Dark places
Cold spaces
Hard embraces
No traces.

I might as well not speak,
For my words are heard by none.
Yet I will always listen,
For silence seems to stun.

Four walls.
No door.
A roof.
A floor.
Trapped inside.
It shrinks in size.
Smaller now.
There’s no way out.
I cannot think.
I cannot breath.
Dark and cold.
All alone.

stone-cold-sober
and i am scared you will see me
how i see myself.

3hrs later
blurry eyed
sleep deprived
you probably saw me
as something
far worse.