anon - Hello Poetry

anon Sep 2017

If life were like Internet history
I wouldn't be here
And neither would you
I'd have deleted us from my history
And never seen you again

If life were like my email
I'd have endless lists of friends
Following me everywhere
Asking how my day was
And being "always there for me"

If life were like Spotify
I could hear what I want
And skip what I don't like
A song for the day
To carry me through it all

If life were like Facebook
I wouldn't be sad anymore
And you could move on
Once it all becomes "complicated"
Afterall, I can just delete it later

If life were like a video game
I could be the best
And you the worst
Because I couldn't fall for you
If you were only pixellated

If life were like an avatar
I could shape you up
To be the perfect image
And when I get tired
Just delete you like you did me

If life were like a video
Your voice would play on and on
Forever in my mind
Until I eventually realize
You pressed pause and I never knew

#us #lostlove #avatar #video #videogames #facebook #spotify #email #history #internet

anon Sep 2017

1:23 AM

And I don't know why
But over and over
I've watched this show

Yet over and over
I never get tired of it

I know the jokes

I know when they're coming

But that doesn't stop me
From loving every minute

And call me crazy
But I almost wish
I could be like that

Acting

Acting like I'm so close
To everyone around

Acting like I always know
Exactly what to say

Acting like the bad
Gets better before the end
Of a thirty minute show

And I really want you
To see that I
Am thinking
About how

If I
Could only

Act
Like them

I could act
Like we were more
Than what we are

And I could act
That when I've had a bad day
I don't need a hug
To tell me it's okay

But I can't promise that to myself

Because I think I can act
I've always wanted to act

I want to be an actress

I want people
To remember my name

I want to be
That actress
That little girls
And even boys
Everywhere
See

And they want to be

Just

Like

Me

But I know
That I can't brush everything aside
To make room for a mirage
That everyone sees
But me

Inside
I know
That's all I am
When I act

A mirage
That I can't see

But there is still
That spark
That burns through the night
That tells me to act
To smile
And laugh
Like everything is peachy

So I wave
I smile
I grin a lot
And beg myself to act

And even though
I want to know
If I can make it or not
I'll never

No never

Let my dream rot
And
I'll never

No never

Act like everything
Is A-okay
Because it's not

Sometimes

And I'm rambling
I just want to tell you
At this hour of night
You were on my mind
And I missed you

So when the couple onscreen
Made up
And kissed
And hugged
And cheered

I just wished that was us

And in my rambling mind
I acted like
It really was us
Because that's how much
I want you
Even more
Than I want
To care for myself

Because I'm secondary
Sedentary
Sidelined
...
Sad

A sad girl
Who looks at a screen
And dreams of tomorrow

Hoping I can be
And we can be
And I won't need
To

Act

Anymore

#acting #latenight #earlymorning #dreaming #musing #rambling #sad #lonely #alone #hopeful

anon Sep 2017

2:23 AM

I was reading
When I realized
From this book

We aren't
What we say
We are

We are so much more
Than numbers
Numbers on a scale
On a ruler
On a tape measure

More than numbers
On our clothing

But that's what
Everyone
Defines us by

They say we are percentages

We are only one
In seven billion

Why should anything
Go right

We have something
Every one in five gets

Why should we feel special

They say we are standards
Like clear skinned
Tan
Gorgeous

And brains don't matter
As long as we are
Clear skinned
Tan
And gorgeous

They say we are dollar signs

That those who are poor
Should not even
Glance their way

And those who are rich
Are
Always
Stuck up
And ******

That the brand
That costs less to make
But is mass produced
And more expensive
Is better
Than the cheap stuff we all wear

They say we are the change
This world needs

But they don't mean it

They mean
They want us to try
But they won't let us get near
The power

But that's not what we are

We aren't numbers

We aren't percentages

We aren't standards

We aren't dollar signs

We are stories
Passed down from people
Who knew
What they wanted us to know

Like the time
My grandma accidentally knocked
Her favorite and only doll
Into the hole in her outhouse

Or the time we all sang
As one
In a happy melody

We are memories
From times
And lifetimes
Past

We are stars and planets
Distant yet
Present
Bodies
So elusive
Thereby so intriguing

The only thing
We really want
Is to fly in stardust
And dance in a moonbeam

We are dreams
That maybe won't come true
But will give us the best adventure
When we find out
How to live them out

We are heartbeats
That beat at night

We are bugs
In this garden of life
Because without us
There would be no point

We are flowers
That tickle your nose
On a warm spring day
When you reach down
To smell its fragrance

We are shoulders
To cry on

We are roads
To walk on

We are smiles and laughs

We are childhoods

We are balloons and bubbles

We are winters

We are springs

We are summers

And we are falls

We are the heat
And we are the cold

We are the change
We want to see
In an upside down world
Only we can change

We are people on the corner
Begging for some coins

We are souls
Thirsting for reprieve

We are hearts
Trying to love as much as we can

We are sadness
And we are joy

There are things
We can see
And things we can't

But after everything
Every word
We speak

We are so much more
Than what they tell us
Day after day

We are the world
And this world
Is ours
So take it from someone
Who has been invisible her entire life
Until they berated the silence
Out of her

In words
That changed to sorrows

And hits
That turned
To beauty

Because she can be beautiful
In this
Crazy
Twisted
Yet absolutely stunning
Life

#life #sad #latenight #earlymorning #musings #thoughts #alone #sadness

anon Sep 2017

2:43 AM

And I have to change

Nobody understands me
They don't get it
They don't try to
It's just all
Or
It's nothing

I give so much
And get so little
When I back off
They back off more
When I go forward
They step backward

I feel like I should quit
Maybe I should give up
Stop trying
Become who I was

Quiet
Embarrassed
Careful
Shy

Didn't say hello
Didn't speak her mind
Just let everyone else
Dictate my every thought
But that's not who I am

I've changed

They've changed

They should understand
I'm a new girl

It should be better
Not worse

I should be respected
Not ridiculed

So then what's happening
What left me like this

So alone
So afraid

That every time I try to sleep
I end up crying
I end up hurt
And they don't bat an eye
Because I changed

I'm harsh
I'm different

If I tried I'd be better
I could be

Quiet
Careful
Shy
Embarrassed

And maybe they would notice
That the strongest
Are the weakest
But they don't

So by playing the weakest
I am the strongest
I am stronger than they know
Stronger than they will ever be
Stronger than they think I am

But
I'm not
I'm not strong
I'm weak
I cry at five am
To forget everything they've done

I scream when I'm alone
To try and get back
Hoping that

Maybe

Hopefully

They will understand
They will hear me

Scream
And
Cry

And they will understand
That I've changed

#change #alone #loneliness #latenight #earlymorning #afraid #sadness

anon Sep 2017

Seamstress

I am a master seamstress
I sew on a grin every day
You can never see my seams
Careful little stitchings
All across the surface

At the end of the day
I cut every little string
I let my sewn smile fall weak

I could smile without it
But it wouldn't be true
Because my cute little smile
Is merely a façade
The real me hides behind seams
She sews to be a survivor
The little seamstress I become

I am a master seamstress
I sew thoughts onto papers
The ink could never bleed through

My strong tight stitchings
Gliding across the blank paper

At the edge of the sheet
I find myself stopping
My stitches want to unravel
I have to let them out
Because they look so caged

So I exterminate my thoughts
They never come back to visit
I set them free for a reason
And it was for them to survive
This little seamstress has a heart

I am a master seamstress
I turn colors into thoughts
The thoughts I turn to material
The material I turn to beauty
The beauty I turn to stitches
The stitches heal broken hearts

My work is so well known
But then they go and leave
I do my part and they are pleased
I stitch their hearts up

They cut some stitchings
Right off my patched heart
The little strings I use
On my seamless tiny grin fray
The seamstress I was works no wonders

I am a master seamstress
I sew the strings onto the puppets
They act a lot like I do
So I admire their tough hearts
They are controlled by another
Little hands lift them up
And make them walk through life

They have their grins plastered on
Just like my seamless little smile
They prance and fly among us
But we never seem to notice them

It's like they are invisible
Falling upon deaf eyes
But I keep them alive
Because a seamstress always saves

I am a master seamstress
I sew what some call impossible
I prove them wrong with one stitch
Still they see right through me

I sewed myself invisibly
Don't let them see the real me
Don't let them know the seamstress
I've sewed their eyes to know
Not to look upon me
As I fix as I repair

They think of me as a fairy
Patching up their cuts
I'm just a small little figure
They never really see
That's just the way a seamstress likes

I am a master seamstress
I sew my wings of thread
Wear them proudly like a trophy
Every stitch is always perfect

They fly up off the wings
They soar when I fly up high
Drooping when I try to walk

My wings are seamless grins
They pretend to be when I'm not
Just like the little grin of everyday

Fly away all you little seams
All the little frayed strings
Gather up in all my stitchings

They look upon the air with care
But the seamstress can't fly away anymore

I am a master seamstress
Sewing up what cannot be fixed by man

#idk #fake #smile #fakesmile #love #sad #desperation #alone #loneliness #sadness

anon Sep 2017

salem

we live in the salem of judgment
acting as though
these are the societal judgment trials
acting as though
we are perfect
and everyone else
is either subpar
or evil
by comparison

we look at people we don't like
or don't know
and act as though being propelled by
a mob

throw our judgment
like rocks

douse it in oil
and light it up
to surround those
we deem
inherently suspect

string it
at first as innocently
as christmas popcorn strings
growing into a licorice rope
and soon
it is a rope we unconsciously
throw around necks
at people
with lives
and loves
and families
we always forget they might have

because we're so
****
obsessed with ourselves
it's like
no one else
matters
or even
exists

only us
and our lives
and loves
and families

i'm not blameless
but whoever says they are
is not

just like the witch trials
though
our salem
tries to end
once it gets personal

it never seems to matter
who we hurt and judge
until
it's us

because that's all we care about
isn't it?
only
us

...

forever

#salem #judging #selfobsession #judgement #forever #selfish

anon Sep 2017

Untitled

i'm a basic
untitled
entitled
typical brat

i live my days
as the untitled would
in an untitled world
going to untitled
unmarked
uninteresting places
and visiting typical
untitled
entitled brats
much like
myself

i catch myself in the mirror
and i think
"daaamn"
and i look my
untitled
entitled face
that reads

"stay away from me"

i'm nothing special
as an untitled person

i'm nothing terribly deep or profound

i don't work for what i want
i don't know struggle
pain eludes me
and laughs when i reach for it

i'm trying to know
trying to see
trying to care

i'm trying

but the untitled
entitled
aren't given what they truly need

the untitled
entitled
have everything

except compassion
relation
knowing
understanding
feeling
lessons learned
lives lost

the untitled
entitled
are entitled to
ease
the untitled
entitled
have nothing
though
about

life

#what #idk #thisisamess