It's exactly 12 AM.
Avoiding you again.
Back to old habits.
Pushing you away when I can't do anything anymore.
When all I feel is guilt.
I try not to do it, but it's so easy to be tempted into doing old habits.
Especially the worst ones.
Sorry for all the trouble I've caused you.
You deserve better just like the rest of the ones I've pushed away.

I thought I was
over the silly little butterflies.
But whenever you're near,
I could feel them fluttering around.
I could hear my own heartbeat.
I could feel it beating like crazy.

I find myself looking down
and around just to
avoid your brown eyes.
The eyes I've always adored.
Wishing I could look straight into
them without feeling anything.
Because when you're around,
I feel all the butterflies
and heartbeats x2.

- S.S.

I can't seem to focus.
All I think about
are old memories.
I can't get rid of them.
You're clogging up my mind.
I just want them
to stop.
The flashbacks,
the feelings,
everything.
I need to breathe.
Please let me breathe...

-S.S.

It's funny how I thought you
were going to be the one
who ends up hurting me,
when the person who ended up hurting me was myself.
I pushed you away when I
need you the most.

You were the only person who
could make me laugh when I was close to tears.
You were the only person who
could make me forget all my
problems.

Where are you now?

There has to be another explanation for all of this.
Please tell me the real reason.
Please tell me that you never used me.
Please tell me I wasn't a rebound.
Please tell me that i'm just over thinking all of this.
I'm not okay.
I need closure.
The right kind of closure.
Please tell me what you felt was real,
because all I feel right now is pain.