I always thought
That if I had to lose you
As much as it may hurt
I would remain unscathed.

Now I see
The opposite holds true
It is I who would have
The shattered heart
It is I who would
Crumble to pieces.

For you, my dear,
Are the one I grasp onto
You are the one whom
I let into my defences.

Only you have the power to
Destroy me
In a way no one else could
I fear the loss of your presence,
You warmth, your love
I fear the loss of you
More than anything else.

Only you have the power to
Complete me
In a way no one else could
I love your presence
Your warmth, your love
I am so in love with you
You make me feel so alive.

This is why I will continuously
Brush off or dismiss the little things
That have offended me
I cannot bare to argue with you.

Overreacting is part of my nature
I hope you can accept it
As one of my fatal flaws
And somehow love me anyways.

I always thought
That if I had to lose you
I would be ok
But if my fatal flaws
Made you stop loving me
Eventually leaving me
I would hate myself with such a zeal
That no one would be able to convince me of anything otherwise.

I know that I am flawed
But I hope despite it all
You can still continue
To love me anyways
Because I am terrified
Of the day
When you will say
That you don't.

In an age of social media and technology
We waste away so many hours of our days
Scrolling through snapshots
Of incredible things and places
From all over the world and beyond
We are so amazed by
These glimpses
Of other peoples lives
That we often forget
To live our own.

Everyone I liked before you
Have been a lesson learnt
And while I cannot fathom
The possibility of us
Being anything else
Feeling anything else
Than we do now
I cannot help but wonder
If you're the hardest lesson
I have yet to learn.

You know
How I told you before
That I have no muse
Because it ran away
Well I've been leafing through my notebooks
And I've come to realise that
Without intending to
A new muse
Has been hiding
In the depths of my tangled mind
It's you.

You have taken up
The space that was once empty
I write as I love and I love to write
Somewhere along the way
You have become the most frequent topic
Of my many musings
It is clear to me now that
In the search for finding the right words to say to you
I have been writing down the things
I can't quite say aloud (Yet).

I will keep all of these
Incoherent, unfinished, rambamable
Yet honest things
I will keep them safe
One day I will place them together
Side by side
Finally you will see
The words I struggle to express
You will see
My feelings on paper
In their most raw and true state
Just for you.

The intensity of the moment suspended
Rendered me speechless
My mind went numb
My heart went on overdrive
To compensate for it
Until eventually I croak out
A mangled whisper
Those three words.

They never seem to sound
Quite as I want them to
They never seem to hold
The same weight
They never seem to evoke
The same feelings
As hearing them
Being said with such certainty
By you.

I hope you still understand
I really hope you know
Just how much

I love you.

Eyelids drooping
My body aches for respite, for rest
Yet I still try my best
To fight this weak human need
Just so that I can see
Through the darkness
With weary eyes
Your name
Flash in a blur
On my phone screen
Just so that I can read
Your words
Hear your voice
Your soft, low tones
Echo in my head
Just so that I can pretend
You are here with me.

I miss you so much
It is an ache that pains me more
Than my lack of sleep
Between those few hours of solace
We have together
Th ache grows
Only temporarily subsided
By the thought of you
Lying awake, thinking of me too.

So I'll keep denying myself sleep
Just to feel the familiar
Rush of happiness
Swelling up inside
When I see your name
Lighting up the long, cold nights.

Last night I had a dream
And in that dream
I fell asleep in your arms
A simple wish,
Which I desire greatly
It felt so real.

I was blissfully happy
And I felt so safe,
I finally felt at peace
A feeling which has been difficult to hold onto
As of late.

Now I'm awake,
Left to face the bitter reality
- I am all alone.

I miss you more than ever.