i have walked these
hallways before
again and again
again & again

my head rings as I recall
the words my father
once told me, things he uttered
under his breath but absolutely
hard-pressed

what's in it for me?
what's really in it for me?
what is the pull, the inconceivable
tug? is it love? is it wealth? is it
hope for happiness?
hope for an end?

my feet hurt, my brain regurgitates
these foul thoughts onto ***** plates
the kitchen sink now covered in
the whispers of lost lovers,
things we said back then

the smell of the flowers in the
garden sting the nostrils, the sweet
scent of that slow decay
the fossils of the promises
amongst the dead leaves &
fruit not safe to eat

the vibrant colors could bring a tear to my eye

i was told you'd be coming home
my back hurts, i've been laying
on the bathroom floor, I can hear the
termites in the walls, rats scurry
above the ceiling,

these wooden walls were meant to fall

but that's okay, we wanted it that way

my feet hurt, my back aches &
my head is ringing, it could
bring a tear to my eye and it
stings the nostrils

but i was told you would be coming home

i will fall with these wooden walls

You are so stupid;
didn't you know your breaks are
for stopping your car?

I can't stomach the thought
of you being with me

but also
I can't live with knowing
you've gone on without

In your eyes
Temperatures rise
And spark turns into flame

Fueled by desire
Our world catches fire
And we burn and burn again

We burn just the same

There is a voyage
Unreached in this
Granite rainfall. A rhythm

And patter hammer upon an
Arid wasteland and its attraction
to overthinking. And to

This night we drink muted song,
Draining the mud chalices that
Are brimming with fermented blood. A single

Drop of crimson flame dances
Across knuckles strained white
With wanting. An insatiable appetite

Hangs above her stretching
Neckline, a single frame of
Infinity, floating defiantly,

Heavier than gravity can trap,
As we send stones softer than
The footsteps of these foreign words

Towards the visage of a lunar flare.
A very bitter taste paints
The picture of her collarbone,

A certain kind of riddance
To more tender times.
Whispering shades of blue, the

Blurry contours trace the hair
Flutter threads of moon rays, dragging me
Towards the shrinking horizon,

the other side of love.
Ecstasy and eternity sit upon
The lips of her simmering Winter.

i was emotionally unavailable
You said You would be fine
and settle for my body
while aiming for heart and mind

You just wanted someone near
You're scared to be alone
but darling i've since tamed the fear
it was once all i had known

emotionless, nonetheless
You stayed persistent
with Your rough tenderness

loss of feeling, yet
You took comfort in the tangible
& that inevitably changed
it became something else

now lured into this house
You built for two
with Your dreams in mind

You set ablaze
with me inside
there's no way out that i can find

i was transparent

i am troubled

i was a blank canvas
You painted me in anger
splashes and swipes

you are projecting from within

i am now spite-ridden

i stop & think about the time
You said You would be fine

He wrote,
"I don't think I'm going
to go through with this
blind date thing"

"I heard the envy
in yor voice
& I don't like that I
made you feel that way"

"I've longed for you so long
& I thought it was only
in my head
but for once I feel
like you are longing too"

"I want to lay down with you,
only you"

She wrote back,
"Haha, okay."

I would never guess
you were like me

with the way you carried
yourself
the way you made me laugh

out in a distant town
not too far,
actually

But the people are
Unlike anything I've ever experienced

I'm not religious
but the way you sang
the way you swayed
the way you threw
Yourself,
in that moment

To me

My god
Your god
Ours, whichever

I won't be able
To sleep
Without you
Possessing me
In
My
Dreams

there's enough moon up there for two to share*

you think to yourself
as you sit alone

the second I saw
you in my peripheral
my sphere of comfortability
collapsed around me

scarf, bangs,
womanhood worn like
a sundress in
perfect still motion,

and a familiar rush of blood to
the head that shortly followed

it comes from nowhere
so devastating
so pure
heavenly rain drowning
the most beautiful field of flowers

I mustered strength to utter
formalities, and paled in
comparison to the confidence
and strength you felt in yourself

I felt ashamed I felt weak
I felt small and in awe
I felt love I felt loss
in her

I crashed cars and felt my
willpower dissolve
like a falling star

why must beauty be so devastating?
love so fleeting and insane?

how can you walk
in here and make
one feel things so
irrationally profound?

I don't need answers,
though I'll keep questioning

and I'll trudge onward
though I'll never know her name

"LOL rectify sounds like ******"

sums up the voice of our generation

I saw you there standing
I'll see you always, still
my desperation & fever
will still paralyze my will

mother, rest your head now
know that I have loved
& keep your eyes closed forever so
you don't see the horror that follows

father, still your hatred
dust off your capacity for love
in my own eyes I've made it
your disdain now fits me like a glove

why can't you hear me?
why won't you see?
why does it always have to be
those things we've merely dreamed?

inebriated
smoke and lust fill the air

but it's not the same

the night is thick
the moon is full
and I'm surrounded by things
keeping my mind on you

anyone has anyone
and everyone is anyone but you

as you sit
and listen to the mingling
the fraternizing
the darkness
reality

cold air nips
at me while I see

nighttime
caressing everything around me

I smile
For once, genuinely

From some place far away
you sit across from me

from some place, now close
you are more human
more approachable than ever

for once, I am interested
I am intrigued

I am enthralled
& I need

Just a smile
just touch

maybe to see you one more time

and to hopefully not **** it up

I hope I don't **** it up

what a heart bleeding
what a man's man
you'll soon have her eating
out the palm of your hand

your words are aimless
but what difference does it make
because her eyes are senseless
and locked on your face

soon to reap the reward
of your wordplay and "wit"
your clever aim towards
the slit 'tween her hips

what a bleeding heart, what an obvious plan
what a load of ****, soon you'll too understand

I've lost the will to read and

I'm losing the will to write

I've yet to find my will to live

But I am too afraid to die

same places
new lows

old faces
low blows

endless races
none is known

brash tastes
& weakened bones

make it worth it
make it shown

but you'll regret
what you disclosed

falling downward
broken nose

the blood breeds
bitter prose

a nuisance
a temporary thrill
staying transparent

do what you will

soon enough
you will grow ill
of he, yourself

do what you will

foreseen in dreams
soon to be real
quiet demise

do what you will

and foolishly you'll
be on my mind still
but I'll trudge onward as

you do your will

Thank you for the time

& thanks for the epiphany

keep up whatever it is

you feel like you're doing