Armpits hate aluminum

and vaginas loathe razors

body parts voice themselves

through physical sensations

lymph nodes form pea *****

crying to sweat

vaginas irritated screaming

ingrown hairs and sores

Why can’t we be accepted as we are?

Avoid deodorant

and guarantee that someone

will say,

YOU SMELL AWFUL

shave your ***** region

because every girl does it

without asking questions

groom for your man

do him a favor

wild and natural

under the assumption

that it must be tamed

so many women

never ******

but as long as the man

gets his fix

then the job is done

If a girl has ever stuffed her bra

with toilet paper

to make her chest fill out

some deep part of her

will understand what I’m writing about

Ladies... please as a collective,
wash your brain from brain wash

I hate putting my hands
In soil
Dirt under finger nails
And the substance
Feels just like clay
And I hate clay
Because I dressed
The corpse of my
Best friend
For her funeral
And she felt like that
I touched her and
She was made of clay
Moldable and rotting
As I brushed make up
On her cheeks
And so I can't touch the
Dirt because I know what
Corpses feel like
This is a story the old Crone
Told to me overlooking the
Garden on her balcony
I could only help but wonder
Why she couldn't accept the
life/death/life cycle....
The Crone hates the dirt
Because she was afraid to die

My mother on Christmas
Bitter over wine and a stronghold
That pulls her over the edge
Screaming in a restaurant
In an intimate setting
The full course meal
On the table
And the core issue
Placed at the center
Sitting across from me
Sitting within me
A collapsed mother
An unmothered mother
Complex
Demanding to be felt
Demanding to heal
The illusion is real
Forcing her to hug me
She kept shoving me off
Like my father was beating her
A memory she spends lots of time with
I locked in
And she somehow sent me
To the ground
I picked myself up
And closed my body
Around her again
Until the fight out of her eyes
Blew out and she cried
And I looked through her
And said,
"You are an amazing human being
Thank you for everything
I desire your growth"
Unconditional love
That's what it takes
And she broke

Do I go back on my word?
Thoughts felt through conviction
Got me twisted
And spun out
On an intersection
Where a fork
In the road forms

Was my decision
Based on reality?

I could go
Back with
A different mind set
Or see if this place
Will lead me to
Destruction
Or redemption

I call upon
Justice

Indifferent as nature

Wisdom is not knowledge.
It took me a vial of mescaline
And the Holy Bible
To figure this out.
All this contemplation
Over matters of the heart,
That information or judgement
Could never fathom.
Wisdom passed down,
Acquired through
Inheritance.
Knowledge learned
And memorized
Through practice.

Fantasies and dreams
Always seemed like
The synonym for
The same thing.
Fantasies are sleepy dreams
Allowing us to imagine
Our wildest possibilities.
Fantasy parked out front
In a street car named Desire.
Dreams draped in a scarlet robe
Of lust and positivity,
Always come into fruition.
Dreams draped in onyx
And negativity
Turn into the reversed
Prophetic vision of what
We want to be.
Fantasy dismissed
As impossibility
But allowed in the
Bedroom *******.
Dreams realized and
Dreams that die,
They are considered
The guiding reality.

Expending so much energy
On knowledge and dreams,
But now I am
Consciously connected
To the vibration of
Wisdom and Fantasy.

Releasing resistance to
Those concepts
That I've never seen.

Is the only way through
situations the passage inside?
Detach my spirit and hover
from above at
the height of light
Where should I transfer
my trash?
the recycling box
doesn't seem half bad
but it requires sorting
what goes where
and eventually
it will transmogrify
and come back in the form
of a coffee cup sipping'
on my new lovers eyes
that I will of course,
repeat the pattern
of romantic disaster
and time bombs
of imminent arrival
holding out...
how long could one stifle
a much needed expression
that was sublimated
under the pretext
of ultimatum
do or die
love me or not
understand or dissipate
commit or let go
for as long as the rest
of remembrance

To stand in balance and connection
With the Earth
To stand on one's one
Without depending on anything
Not leaning on a wall for a breakthrough

To breathe on one's own
To breathe fully
Lungs
Blossoming and shriveling
Without the intake of
Toxic fumes
Or liquid rage
Not leaning on a vessel for a
Breakthrough
Attached to now
Love without borders
To be here and smile
Love outside conditions
Or held in the claws
Of expectations
to be here without an excuse
Or a divided idea to fall into

Even if this life
Just spins lives upside down
Simply because it can
Even if after everything
The world has evolved
To explodes in the Sun
Even if life doesn't have
A greater meaning than this
Moment
Even if our legacies
And our pain
Never mattered
Even if we die
And meet death
With blackness
And indifferent regeneration
One day our story will be
Forgotten
And we will never truly know
All the small details
That brought our atoms together

All of our ancestors within us
Encouraging us to stand
And breathe on our own
The animal kingdom
IS
And does not ask questions
All we have to do is look up
To know where it all began
The moon has all the answers
The stars we are made of
Will us to shine
Without illusory fuel
We are stronger than mental reasons
Subject to change at the blink
Of perception
We do not have to give
Our power away
We do not need motivation
To create
We are and it is a miracle
Enjoy the phenomena
That is the all
Expanding evermore
Towards infinity
This is where Existentialism  
Meets Spirituality

The ace of swords
Double edged
The dawn of knowing
Watch as it rises
From the west
It's impersonal
Like channeling
The Holy Spirit
Brilliant tone
The right words
We spend hours
Attempting to conglomerate
What we all truly want to say
Declare
Pronounced
Ringing long after it's been said
My emotional depth
A void to fall into
Did you really think
My pure positive prana
Did not cast a shadow
Darker than Black Goddess?
Did I leave an imprint
In your heart...
Or your mind?
My name is Scarlett
My vibration sets things on fire

I don't mind where it takes me
As long as it takes me
Unwinded
Whip out
Wherever it takes me
As long as it's different
From drunk and driving
Or your brain hurting
From people draining your energy
I'm looking for stimulating
And a huge exhale
From the illusions
Breaking me

We are all free to do whatever
We want
As creators of our reality
We choose our experiences
It was his decision to
Stay in New York City
No matter what
Even though his sister
Threatened to leave him
Broke on the sidewalk
A crooked guitar hanging
And a frown
Sitting on the concrete
Crying staring at the street
I chased him for blocks
Just to kiss his tears
And tell him that
He had nothing to fear
That I would sit by his side
As long as it took him
To rise up
Your sister found us
And asked me if I was staying
Here or leaving with her back home
I said she could go back alone


Choices decisions standing firm
In position
Have peace knowing the
Only thing you control
Is your life

No one can you hurt
You but yourself

A couple of days later
We broke out in a fight
And we tested what
Would happen
If I was the one to quit
Crouched on the concrete
Staring at the street
Staying in Jersey City
But dying to leave
Crying like I've been praying
But no one came to wipe my eyes
And kiss my head
And tell me that no matter what
They will be there

Choices

I chose to love
And commit

He chose a new girlfriend
I chose to run around the block
Several times
Crying like I was praying
Letting my tears
Soak in the soil of my garden

And then I remembered...
I choose to feel negative about
His personal life decision

And if I can just relax a little bit...
Talk myself off the ledge
Avoid getting depressed
he doesn't define
My worth or my expansion

Picking black walnuts
In Asheville
And shipping them
To Nashville
Road tripping
And using my magical hands

Like when a farmer
Is ready to take
His vegetables
Finally away from
The earth
Ripping roots
That took a beautiful
Process to create
And strengthen

Like an umbilical cord
Being cut
Disconnected from
Where the baby came from
Mother Earth

When it's ready,
It's mine because it's time
And I deserve it

That song you cease to play
Follows you around the
Entire day
On the radio
In your headphones
Or blasting in your thoughts
In the silence of the doldrums
The passive lulls
In the life span
You listen to it
And your insides start
Shaking up
Some parts are on fire
Like your heart
And some lyrics
Stab the cages
And rainbow spirals
Like butterfly's
Are circling in your belly  
Forming during the instrumental
Playing that song like the
Sound track of your life
For a season
You heard this song for a reason
And it gets you through the hours
Days weeks and painful moments
Or maybe when you want to hear  
Something that resonates
With feeling alive
And open
Yes this song will do that to you
And it heals the wounds

Then you finally end that mentality
And hop on a new disk
Change up the vortex
And find a new favorite song
To guide you

Tuning into my own nature now
I find myself rolling this ball
Around my head
Of this possibility
Of a feeling
Like this silver ocean swan
With a baby blue mouth
Flying in front of me
Skimming the lake
From the sight of this being
With a different conscious
I can imagine what it would be like
To roam the Earth
Without clutter in the mind
Wings cutting through the wind
Bound to the present
And clarity of what IS

A man with all the elements
Vibrating in his body
Eyes on fire
His voice shooting daggers
Of clarity at my mind
His stride like he's gliding
On ice
His touch like gravity
Wrap my arms around
A mountain of strength
He smells like my true nature
Divine geometry bubbling
In his heart of a hurricane
In his glass of champagne
We cross arms and sip our cups
Intertwined like infinite snakes
Underwater we blow air
In each other's mouths
Taking turns
In and out
Creating carbon
Within our lungs
That we already have

*** so holy
The Hierophant is jealous
A union so balanced
Even Adam and Eve
Are Dying to be us
We are living in a space time
Of perfect timing
Open to receive
Everything our awesome souls
Deserve
And we have a mission to serve

Life is a ride on a ship
The stars glowing for us
Because they know
The alignment of our flow
Standing side by side
We are grace justice ease
The Emperor and Empress
Of all that we desire to see

Judgement from the universe
Designed you to be mine
The wheel of fortune
Put us on the same cart
As we circle up to the
Pinnacle of the sky
The world invites
Us to smile
The High Priestess
And Shaman
Play with our schemes
Allowing us to unlock
Our dreams
The secret to death unlocked
Because we understand
Dying is just a key
To a door that is locked

Every once in a while
I get this feeling
Like there's a tiger
In my chest
Clawing at my
Abdomen
Rib cages
Solar plexus
So abrasive
And it demands attention

It's like I stumbled into it
this flow
Climbing onto a roller coaster
Blind
Only noticing when you're
Upside down
That there is something calling
To set off
A bomb dying to drop

Ease is what to seek
And I search for
The closest good feeling....

It doesn't come to me

Searching relentlessly
I look at my thoughts
And nothing major
Seems to arise
Just a feeling that something
Inside of me is half alive

The pain lifts me a couple
Of inches above the ground
Frazzled by the electric currents
Pumping around

The ego waits for the shadow
To resolve this mess
Knowing the only solution
Is a break down moment
Where supposed behavior
Falls high from its tower
And crashes everything
I subconsciously strive
To prevent
This out of the vortex
Release
To give in to instinct

And in that action
I find what I need
The old cat is silenced
For the time being

Something bout a dead flower
Something bout the wind when
It picks up power
The guy I'm with
Has a tattoo
Of a green apple sour
On his hand
Twin butterflies floating
In the breeze
That's what Venice seems to me
Open mind, chilly seas
The guy I'm with he says to me
I want love for eternity
But he doesn't put off that energy
Hung up on his ex
Like the rose bud
On his neck
Flowering but stuck
He works at a tourist shop
On Venice beach boardwalk
Planning a neurotic escape to Vegas
Makin Ditching to the desert
Something bout a dead flower
Something bout the wind
When it picks up power
Chilly momentum
Out on the open sea
I want love for eternity

The lessons I'm learning now will be clear to me later.

The smell of matches
Light refracting off metal skyscrapers
the ego of the Bronx
bodies holding space
sending a message
everyone is watching;
paying attention
worshipping the sidewalk
redemption at the top of buildings
that is what keeps things moving,
the matter that is stagnant.
God is height and so is success.
Forget about the stars, the moon, the sun.
Rich men think they can buy friends.
Instead they buy temporary connections;
Pride and prestige.
The men play pride, the women play prejudice.
Women are chasing the dollar in a man's eyes,
are you going to pay my cab tonight?
I'll blow you for some blow.
Just at the end of the night, take me home.
I have work tomorrow.
*** every night.
Staying in Jersey City
with a bunch of cats
and I'm playing mice

I want him
to be mine
simple and unconventional
nothing the world hasn't heard before

I want him
but he says no

I want him
but in a drunken jealous rage
i slapped his face
i cursed his name
i hid in the shade

I want him
but he says no
its the wrong time
its the wrong place
I slapped his face I crossed the line
the past cannot be erased
I have scars he says
no space to be hurt again
I ask him,
where is the room for healing
where is the room for breathing?

I want him
but he says I want to be selfish

Well I want to be selfish
I want him to be mine

Paradise in Colorado
Cali bound 
While Iowa calls you to play
Some time passed
Then I saw your face
 In Sunny Miami 
You came to see me
High rises 
And air mattresses
Holding me in an empty room
I'm crying your sleeping the night through

Unleashing through my eyes 
Everything I'm not speaking 
Dreaming about the past 
You pushed me back

Shoulda let me
Now I'm gone
I've been waiting way too long
Committed to someone new
Words are stab wounds
Ya shoulda let me now I'm gone

****** advances
From alcoholic trances
 last minute you pull away
pass it up
Passed out drunk
Wake up to a red head 
Cuddled with you on your bed

Shoulda let me
Now I'm gone
I've been waiting way too long
Committed to someone new
Words are stab wounds
Ya shoulda let me now I'm gone

From everything I can gather
From what I've learned
From relationships
The bless of luck
The knot in your chest
You named covet
From the wheel
Turning fully
Brushing the bottom with your feet
Just when you think the ride is over
Love appears in the horizon
With the sun on it's back
Screaming lord have mercy
Because the worst thing in the world
To wish on anybody, essentially,
is trauma.
You don't have the privilege of carrying it,
Much less holding...
It wears you.
Like that purple long sleeve
You somehow never managed to lose
Through all your years wandering.
The worst action in the world is stagnation,
And from this I know hate means that you wish
Somebody or something never gets past that obstacle, that fear, breaking through that path to the next moment of what it means to be alive.
I don't need to hate you,
Stuck is what you have been
And it's where you are.
And I mutually write this
In its dysfunction,
Naked at no one
Staring out the blinds

We wore sport bras
And smoked out of an apple
She kept handing me the temptation
After every pull from her lips
Until I opened my eyes and desire
Was inside of me
******* the **** out of me
My first time with a girl
That lion made my head swirl
White Russians hitting on me harder
Than the bouncer outside
Pouring the drinks on the bar
As I watch her roam around
in pig tails and sweatpants
As she makes me wet
Still in love with her ex
But I'm determined to be next

5 am driving through the hood fearlessly
Because sitting in my passenger is a huge black man up to no good
Newports in my hair
Graffitti around these parts looks better
Than Wynwood
As the sun rises
Hitting all the homeless in the face
Sleeping on the sidewalks
I see a man stretching his arms,
As he unravels his cuccoon
Ready to fly through another day
Newport man points at a woman walking past,
Her grey baggy pants sloping
Her legs crisscrossing like shes cutting something up as she walks
But really she's just on crack
He told me that he knew her when she was fat
She looks towards a man down the road
And waves a flirty hand
He follows her home
Earlier in the night i see a skinny white girl
Walking around the club
I thought she was brave
For being down here alone
A couple of hours later i see her again
Waving an SUV down
They drove past and i saw her face crumple
The way gravel does
The car stops at a light
on the way towards her money
Newport man flags her down
She begs for a cigarette
But all she got was distraction
"Where are you from?"
Boston.
Her sweatshirt said so
I have a customer waiting for me,
I have to go
Newport man asks "what are you selling?"
She turns away and goes.
Another crackhead rolls up next to
The club parking
With a bike he stole from south beach
I know this because Newport man knows
Shirtless underneath a neon flimsy vest
That he stole from a valet stand
Smiling through gums at the drunk *****
Rolling past
Attempting to pretend
That he is the parking pass
Anything for some spare change
Anything for crack
And last but not least but not first is me
I just wanted some ****
Newport man said if i gave him a lap
Dance he would buy me some green
Instead the ***** gets skimped for a ten piece
When he paid twenty
And because my lap dance
Didnt have enough grinding
He didnt give it to me
And this is the general tone
Of Overtown.....
Addictions arent selective
by race, religion, creed.
All those people i met are just like me.

Where wants and needs meet
You plant a spoiled seed
Rotting everything
That intended to sprout
Innocence and purity

To live is to be marked
To own the words of a story

Beauty and perfection
Persuasion and possession
Fluorescent lights
lighting her *******

Why does the bathroom floor
seem so inviting for a breakdown?

Searching for another life
Black tears from make-up
running down eyes

I listen to the ocean, and all I hear is you
I read this on the cover of a magazine
that my boss had asked me to throw out.
Over night it had been rained on,
the pages melting into each other.

I listen to the ocean, and all I hear is you
I felt this as I leveled with the horizon,
the shore rubbing on me like your kisses
under the moon.

I listen to the ocean, and all I hear is you
I told you this through a drunken voicemail
half slurring, half purring about a love overflowing.
My heart is a cup leaking devotions that dry spells the ocean.

I listen to the ocean and all I hear is you.

On the precipice of something.
Legs dangling on a wet dock
washing wishes off my feet.
Trees don't heal like human beings,
they callus over the wound but continue
to rot inside.
My insides withering, lungs wheezing from smoking the blues.
Maybe I'll never get over it, but at least I'll make the impression.
Feeling less like a human and more like a tree when it comes to mending.

Feelings hold no justification as the wheel of fortune turns
three eleven
two women, a man,
and an elephant in the room.
Three blades in the heart
and a cigarette tattoo.
Three dark freckles mapping a triangle on my wrist -
on the top was man, two woman at bottom, a fault in logic.
Circles scar as they trace their story down
to the ending you thought you would never
come back to.
I just wanted one lover,
my one lover wants two.

Open to the wrong doors
a bag of loose leaf tea
falling into a pattern
of steamed water
that cannot be taken out easily by
getting pulled out
by a string.
Only solution is to dump
all the remnants into the sink,
including me.
Addictions are draining.

Carrying sweet and lows in my wallet
to make the the tough times bittersweet,
and my bag collects sand from my frequencies
at the beach
vibrating with my Tibetan bowl
to balance auras.
My heart has smiling children inside.
My chest pains have lessened, ever since I quit coffee
and the illusion that one day you're coming back.
You touched me in all the ways that made love songs possible.
My head has found a legitimate reason to stay where I am,
although I doubt myself in moments when nothing seems aligned.
Like you and I.
You know, the Chinese have an ancient myth that says soul mates
have red strings connected to each other and tied.
Tangled or straightened they are always bound,
even when the other seems not to be around.
I tug the line, step towards me.
But I know there is a scissor in your pocket debating.
And these are all the things you don't know about me,
or how I am feeling and thinking.

Crying about a man
that doesn't understand
what it meant when he said
I love you

Singing a song about something I'd always have
but I lost
and I'm sorry

Killing myself over something I want so bad
but I wont have
and I'm sorry

Lying to the world
so my family won't be so sad
but it's hard living in a mask
and I'm sorry

so sorry

My heart center is churning,
spiraling through my chest
translating.
Moving art through my body
and suddenly all the ******* is worth it.
Walking out of dance class, towards my van,
my heart spilling all over the sidewalk,
invisible rain drops of reality trickling on my head,
the colors darken in my aura because I have to wait awhile
for the next moment where I feel like the sacrifice is paying off.
I would be a vagrant gypsy living humbly if it weren't for professional movement.
My feet are on a solid spot surrounded by things that don't love me.
At least that's how it seems, at night, when I have to fight for tranquility.
But wandering thoughts come visit me while I'm driving of pirouettes and plies,
and smiling children asking me how to teach them the rhythm of life.
Strength to endure the shadow, instead of aiming towards distractions that
evade responsibility to glow.
Stage light on bodies showing life in another context,
that is what lives in my visions of beauty.

Red eyes from red flames
smoking a blunt
cause you don't miss me that much
not enough

pages passing permanently marking days
I barely got to breathe in
much less read through
the mirror is see through
but I'm not looking back at you

you are me
I am you
I will always be with you

***** ghosts pent up in your van
that I drive now
ever since you left to tour the country
they whisper lonely, beg for cleansing

I make up melodies of nostalgia
that bleed down the neck
of my heart strings
Spanish guitar strumming:
forget about us
there isn't proof anymore
just a sting
from all the unheard calls that you ring

The moon is our only guide now for relation
sitting on this pavement staring at the constellations that shine:
you are me
I am you
I will always be with you

Father figures through out my life
they fall to pieces for my mother,
only to get swept out by her broom
when the floor the family is depending on
gets too filthy to dwell in.
Blame this on the fact that Pisces
is in Saturn in my birth chart.
It was never in the cards
for me to have a father.
I no longer have to play the role of a daughter.
My age has outgrown that possibility,
my mother could never keep a man
in the house for too long,
on the surface she is strong
but my mother makes us sleep
in her bed for a reason.
I came from a male chromosome
that came from a body
that has yet to perish
but dead to my existence.
I don't mind this,
except nights when I'm pure tragic
madness, and he pulls up in front
of my house while I'm drinking wine
and puffing chemicals.
Hello, you made me
but we don't speak.
Strange sadness but mammals don't
need parents to fend for them once one hits
a certain degree of awareness.
But I thank him anyways for giving me life.

Your ex-girl friend looks like ice
and I'm fire.
Talk me down to Earth,
the energy has ***** my heart these days.
Desire.

Sacral chakra running roses through the ground.

Dragon's blood ink - I wanna write your name.
It's red like eyes from the winter, red like boiling point.

Do you miss my lipstick or Scarlett - my name?

The color of a liquid you would sacrifice for injustice
in the name of a government.

Red like the sheets in the hotel bed when I took your virginity.

The color of the gang you represented at every night club,
the hand motions from club meetings that yearned rebellion.

I want to see your tattoo I drew to depict you a month before you got it.

Red like cop lights that saw the last of you.

111

I am crying and typing
about a sunken ship below a hurricane
in my chest.
My description stays here, the rest lodged
in this moment because you are too far away
to feel this.
Accept and handle loosely
I must remind myself constantly

Times are tough for lovers
The road needs travellers but
Is selective on who is allowed to journey on.
I was not chosen.
Stuck but not stagnant
Impatient but waiting because what else can I do?
The world loves you.
I am competing against something that is larger than life.
All I can give is my mouth, my hands, my intellect, my affection amd attention.
Petty compared to the mountains, the oceans, the sirens, the unknown.
Without your energy engaged with my body
The atmosphere tastes bitter.
Light headed all the time because I need your water.
When will you be spit back home?
You're Embraced in the arms of the world
But now am I lonely because
I feel that way when you're holding me.
These times... They are tough for lovers.

Your body language is hard to read like teen vogue magazines -
shallow and they don't give a real message.
Free stylin' courageously as I'm bumping to the music.
The stage set solo with the spot light on me.
This is my chance to speak without my tongue.
Crown chakra open ,
purple fat lotus plump and focused.
Accepting, recieving, translating phenomena,
through my skeleton.
I allow the rhythm take me wherever it needs,
water fountain pouring out of me.

All I had to do was lie down and close my eyes.
Listen to his voice take me deep down inside myself.
Suddenly, there is a wooden double door at the base of a mountain.
He tells me, "Open your unconscious and step inside... What do you see?"
A boy with blue saucers piercing my brain,
******* to a chair with a bandanna over his mouth.
Those blue saucers... how menacing.
I release him from the chair and he stands up and looks at me.
His blue saucers looking at me like I'm the alien.
I hang out there for a while until the voice says...
"Come back to this reality, shut the door behind you;
at the count of ten open your eyes."
I come back.
But him... he stays behind... untied but waiting.
For me to open the door again.

Days pass effortlessly
I jump through them like hoops;
like hurtles,
like thoughts,
like water.
The question of the century:
will I ever see that facet of myself again?
To see your flesh.
Only way is to time travel forward so that I may
witness a flashback from the past.
The days pass effortlessly
but many moments I sit still struggling.
My body is moving around but does not know
what it is doing.
You flicker and float in my conscious
like a warning,
like a nuisance,
like a red balloon rising in the sky.
Can't help but notice as it passes by.
Attempting to peer through clouds beyond the sun
and out onto the galaxy, I pray to the cosmic forces
to align you and me.
Days pass effortlessly.
Planes glide elegantly.
Your spirit is found where I am not.
And in that lonesome dwelling place where I reside,
I wonder if our energies will ever get the chance to collide.
Days pass effortlessly
and my question lingers persistently.
To see your flesh.

What was I thinking falling in love with an older man?
No **** he broke my heart.
He's thirty-one.
I'm 18 and dumb.
This is not a poem,
just a lesson.

Nature's indifference demands acceptance from conscious minds.
Have you ever seen a snake eat a mouse in a cage?
Somebody has to die for something else to live.
Somebody has to take in order for somebody to give.
Emotions contradict this.
We could deny it all and hide in our remote corners of the world.
Until death knocks on our door as we take our time to open it.
one step closer... I should have held my lover closer
2 steps away... What didn't I say?
3 steps near... and we search last minute for something that will soothe our ears.
"Believe in God so that you may go to heaven and have eternal life."
4 steps go by and we close our eyes.
Our hearts and minds shut off and we die.
Nature takes our bodies and replenishes them into the Earth.
Our opinions long since evaporated from the final tone of Nature's moan.
This is what we dread, but this what we know.

When I'm high my ideas distort in a perverted movement.
When I'm high I don't want my mom to see my eyes.
At least without eye drops popped in concealing what I've done,
who I've been.
When I'm high I shamefully admit to my psychologist.
When I'm high I open my mind and channel spirits.
When I'm high I sometimes hate who I am inside.
Conclusions just mean cycles.
No more subjects everything is titles.
I peer out of my body I appear to be glowing
but all my visions have lost their luster.
The shine dims before my eyes.
In this period of life the world took me for a ride
around the darkness.
It's sadness was so tragic because it spelled out the "S",
materialized as snake,
symbolizing infinity,
punching my heart directly.
When I'm high I say these things,
I tap unto a familiar part of myself
that won't give space for the whole.
When I'm high I feel guilty because
it's hard for me to say no anymore.

Helpless at the foot of temptation.
She stomps on me, I lay on the ground.
Don't bother getting up.
Love will not conquer this time around.
Because when no one is looking...
I'm pulling up and out all the devils
I swear I'd put down.
But the baby is crying for me to pick her up.
Screaming like a tortured child.
I gave birth to this desire,
and it must die by my hand alone.
Drown the baby in the shower,
or continue riding this wild bull at the rodeo.

There's no one around to help carry my pain.
The weight of it exhausting my emotions into overdrive -
irrationality with a dash of anger.
Some one pick me up and drop me off
the face of the world and into a forest.
The trees won't confuse me.
They encourage me to breathe.
The rivers won't judge me,
they reflect what I am.
While every one else tells me stories,
nature will guide me to the truth;
An endless honest journey.

To love a drug addict is to love drugs in itself.
To see the highs... the lows...
always a different character but none of them are you.
A bud that tossed its seed into barren soil.
Shrouded in clouds made of chemicals you can't even name.
Always living on one side of your duality and my role
has always been to bear witness.
We love each other but visions of us as lovers
are now ****** into the void because to love a drug addict
is to love the very thing that controls you.
There is no room for anything else to reign.
Your chains outweigh your strength.
And so you sit, seething and craving
for the next hit.
Or should I say, **** dose...
what you like to call it.
To love a drug addict is to accept
your names...
and all they represent.
But I hate.
I hate your hang overs
and you're need for speed.
I hate it because its killing you physically
as it kills me emotionally.
I hate you're demon that stops you from being
half the man you could be.
And so this is why we never graduated past lovers.
This is why you never became a rock star.
Garage bands unable to house you in
because you're too busy getting wasted
while they play music.
You **** up your notes and your tuning.
Your energy ******* up the melody
because you have to stuff your face,
with things to make you forget your face.
I see empty.
This is why we'll never work out.
We drew our lines, made our circles and put things in them.
You chose to surround yourself with drugs that make it so hard to love you.
Because I hate them.
Because they hate you.

It's like some uncanny deal I made with Fate
in my sleep but just can't remember.
We agreed on timing that teaches me to endure alone.
Where are you when I need you the most?
To say the least.
You aren't around to induce the revival.
When situations turn suicidal I turn to your presence
but can't even hear your voice.
My mind is so shocked by your abrupt absence
it won't let my soul relish in the memory of your face.
I try to conjure up your matter and come up with blurs and swirls.
Your absence was not voluntary.
But I am left here with this mess that stands before trial,
begging for something to take blame for justice.
It's like a freak accident, you are gone, I am here,
and its not our fault.
But I want you to make up for it and say I'm sorry.
Because you're somewhere out there in the trees flourishing,
and I am sitting here patiently enduring.